Granted, it would probably have been worse if he’d disregarded her wishes and not allowed her to be alone. Clearly, she could not be trusted in his presence. And she didn’t particularly trust him, either, with his sultry looks and whispered questions.
Will you kiss me, Francesca? Will you let me kiss you?
And she couldn’t refuse, not when he was standing so close, his eyes—his amazing, silver, heavy-lidded eyes—watching her with such smoldering intensity.
He mesmerized her. That could be the only explanation.
She dressed herself that morning, donning a serviceable day dress which would serve her well out of doors. She didn’t want to remain cooped up in her room, but neither did she wish to roam the halls of Kilmartin, holding her breath as she turned each corner, waiting for Michael to appear before her.
She supposed he could find her outside if he really wanted to, but at least he would have to expend a bit of effort to do it.
She ate her breakfast, surprised that she had an appetite under such circumstances, and then slipped out of her room, shaking her head at herself as she peered stealthily down the hall, acting like nothing so much as a burglar, eager to make a clean escape.
This was what she’d been reduced to, she thought grumpily.
But she didn’t see him as she made her way down the hall, and she didn’t see him on the stairs, either.
He wasn’t in any of the drawing rooms or salons, and indeed, by the time she reached the front door, she couldn’t help but frown.
Where was he?
She didn’t wish to see him, of course, but it did seem rather anticlimactic after all of her worrying.
She placed her hand on the knob.
She should run. She should hurry out now, while the coast was clear and she could make her escape.
But she paused.
“Michael?” She only mouthed the word, which shouldn’t have counted for anything. But she couldn’t shake the feeling that he was there, that he was watching her.
“Michael?” she whispered, looking this way and that.
Nothing.
She gave her head a shake. Good God, what had become of her? She was growing far too fanciful. Paranoid, even.
With one last glance behind her, she left the house.
And never did see him, watching her from under the curved staircase, his face touched with the smallest, and truest, of smiles.
Francesca had remained out of doors as long as she was able, finally giving in to a mixture of weariness and cold. She had wandered the grounds for probably six or seven hours, and she was tired, and hungry, and eager for nothing so much as a cup of tea.
And she couldn’t avoid her house forever.
So she slipped back in as quietly as she’d left, planning to make her way up to her room, where she could dine in private. But before she could make it to the bottom of the stairs, she heard her name.
“Francesca!”
It was Michael. Of course it was Michael. She couldn’t expect him to leave her alone forever.
But the strange thing was—she wasn’t quite certain whether she was annoyed or relieved.
“Francesca,” he said again, coming to the doorway of the library, “come join me.”
He sounded affable—too affable, if that were possible, and furthermore, Francesca was suspicious at his choice of rooms. Wouldn’t he have wanted to draw her into the rose drawing room, where she’d be assaulted by memories of their torrid encounter? Wouldn’t he at least have chosen the green salon, which had been decorated in a lush, romantic style, complete with cushioned divans and overstuffed pillows?
What was he doing in the library, which had to be, she was quite certain, the least likely room at Kilmartin in which one might stage a seduction?
“Francesca?” he said again, by now looking amused at her indecision.
“What are you doing in there?” she asked, trying not to sound suspicious.
“Having tea.”
“Tea?”
“Leaves boiled in water?” he murmured. “Perhaps you’ve tried it.”
She pursed her lips. “But in the library?”
He shrugged. “It seemed as good a place as any.” He stepped aside and swooshed his arm in front of him, indicating that she should enter. “As innocent a place as any,” he added.
She tried not to blush.
“Did you have a pleasant walk?” he asked, his voice perfectly conversational.
“Er, yes.”
“Lovely day out.”
She nodded.
“I imagine the ground is still a bit soggy in places, though.”
Whatwas he up to?
“Tea?” he asked.
She nodded, her eyes widening when he poured for her. Men never did that.
“Had to fend for myself from time to time in India,” he explained, reading her thoughts perfectly. “Here you go.”
She took the delicate china cup and sat, allowing the warmth of the tea to seep through the china and onto her hands. She blew lightly on it, then took a taste, testing the temperature.
“Biscuit?” He held out a plate laden with all sorts of baked delights.
Her stomach rumbled, and she took one without speaking.
“They’re good,” he offered. “I ate four while I was waiting for you.”
“Were you waiting long?” she asked, almost surprised by the sound of her own voice.
“An hour or so.”
She sipped at her tea. “It’s still quite hot.”
“I had the pot refilled every ten minutes,” he said.
“Oh.” Such thoughtfulness was, if not precisely surprising, then still unexpected.
One of his brows quirked, but only slightly, and she wasn’t sure whether he’d done it on purpose. He was always in such control of his expressions; he’d have been a master gambler, had he had the inclination. But his left brow was different; Francesca had noticed years ago that it sometimes moved when he clearly thought he was keeping his face perfectly impassive. She’d always thought of it as her own little secret, her private window into the workings of his mind.
Except now she wasn’t sure she wanted such a window. It implied a closeness with which she wasn’t quite comfortable any longer.
Not to mention that she’d clearly been deluded when she’d thought she might ever understand the workings of his mind.
He plucked a biscuit off the tray, idly regarded the dollop of raspberry jam in its center, then popped it into his mouth.
“What is this about?” she asked, unable to contain her curiosity any longer. She felt rather like prey, being fattened up for the kill.
“The tea?” he inquired, once he’d swallowed. “Mostly about tea, if you must know.”
“Michael.”
“I thought you might be cold,” he explained with a shrug. “You were gone quite some time.”
“You know when I left?”
He looked at her sardonically. “Of course.”
And she wasn’t surprised. That was the only thing that surprised her, actually—that she wasn’t surprised.
“I have something for you,” he said.
Her eyes narrowed. “You do?”
“Is that so remarkable?” he murmured, and he reached down onto the seat beside him.
Her breath caught. Not a ring. Please, not a ring. Not yet.
She wasn’t ready to say yes.
And she wasn’t ready to say no, either.
But instead, he set upon the table a small posy of flowers, each bloom more delicate than the last. She’d never been good with flowers, hadn’t bothered to learn the names, but there was stalky white one, and a bit of purple, and something that was almost blue. And it had all been tied rather elegantly with a silver ribbon.
Francesca just stared at it, unable to decide what to make of such a gesture.
“You can touch it,” he said, a hint of amusement playing along his voice. “It shan’t pass along disease.”
“No,” she said quickly, reaching out for the tiny bouquet, “of course not. I just . . .” She brought the blooms to her face and inhaled, then set them down, her hands retreating quickly to her lap.
“You just what?” he asked softly.
“I don’t really know,” she replied. And she didn’t. She had no idea how she’d meant to complete that sentence, if indeed she had ever intended to. She looked down at the small bouquet, blinking several times before asking, “What is this?”
“I call them flowers.”
She looked up, her eyes meeting his fully and deeply. “No,” she said, “what is this?”
“The gesture, you mean?” He smiled. “Why, I’m courting you.”
Her lips parted.
He took a sip of his tea. “Is it such a surprise?”
After all that had passed between them?
Yes.
“You deserve no less,” he said.
“I thought you said you intended to—” She broke off, blushing madly. He’d said he meant to take her until she became pregnant.
Three times today, as a matter of fact. Three times, he’d vowed, and they were still quite at zero and . . .
Her cheeks burned, and she couldn’t help but feel the memory of him between her legs.
Dear God.
But—thank heavens—his expression remained innocent, and all he said was, “I’ve rethought my strategies.”
She took a frenetic bite of her biscuit. Any excuse to bring her hands to her face and hide a bit of her embarrassment.
“Of course I still plan to pursue my options in that area,” he said, leaning forward with a sultry gaze. “I’m only a man, after all. And you, as I believe we’ve more than made clear, are very much a woman.”
She jammed the rest of the biscuit into her mouth.
“But I thought you deserved more,” he finished, sitting back with a mild expression, as if he hadn’t just seared her with innuendo. “Don’t you think?”
No, she didn’t think. Not anymore, at least. It was a bit of a problem, that.
Because as she sat there, furiously stuffing food into her mouth, she couldn’t take her eyes off his lips. Those magnificent lips, smiling languidly at her.
She heard herself sigh. Those lips had done such magnificent things to her.
To all of her. Every last inch.
Good God, she could practically feel them now.
And it left her squirming in her seat.
“Are you all right?” he asked solicitously.
“Quite,” she somehow managed to say, gulping at her tea.
“Is your chair uncomfortable?”
She shook her head.
“Is there anything I can get for you?”
“Why are you doing this?” she finally burst out.
“Doing what?”
“Being so nice to me.”
His brows lifted. “Shouldn’t I be?”
“No!”
“I shouldn’t be nice.” It wasn’t a question as he said it, rather an amused statement.
“That’s not what I meant,” she said, shaking her head. He’d befuddled her, and she hated it. There was nothing she valued more than a cool and clear head, and Michael had managed to steal that from her with a single kiss.
And then he’d done more.
So much more.
She was never going to be the same.
She was never going to be sane.
“You look distressed,” he said.
She wanted to strangle him.
He cocked his head and smiled.
She wanted to kiss him.
He held up the teapot. “More?”
God yes, and that was the problem.
“Francesca?”
She wanted to jump across the table and onto his lap.
“Are you quite all right?”
It was growing difficult to breathe.
“Frannie?”
Every time he spoke, every time he moved his mouth, even just to breathe, her eyes settled on his lips.
She felt herself licking her own.
And she knew that he knew—with all of his experience, all of his seductive prowess—exactly what she was feeling.
He could reach for her now and she wouldn’t refuse.
He could touch her and she’d go up in flames.
“I have to go,” she said, but her words were breathless and lacking in conviction. And it didn’t help that she couldn’t seem to wrench her gaze from his own.
“Important matters to attend to in your bedchamber?” he murmured, his lips curving.
She nodded, even though she knew he was mocking her.
“Go then,” he encouraged, but his voice was mild and in fact sounded like nothing so much as a seductive purr.
Somehow she managed to move her hands to the edge of the table. She gripped the wood, telling herself to push away, to do something, to move.
But she was frozen.
“Would you prefer to stay?” he murmured.
She shook her head. Or at least she thought she did.
He stood and came to the back of her chair, leaning down to whisper in her ear, “Shall I help you to rise?”
She shook her head again and nearly jumped to her feet, his nearness somewhat paradoxically breaking the spell he’d cast over her. Her shoulder bumped his chest, and she lurched back, terrified that further contact would cause her to do something she might regret.
As if she hadn’t had enough of that already.
“I need to go upstairs,” she blurted out.
“Clearly,” he said softly.
“Alone,” she added.
“I wouldn’t dream of forcing you to endure my company for one moment longer.”
She narrowed her eyes. Just what was he up to? And why the devil did she feel so disappointed?
“But perhaps . . .” he murmured.
Her heart leapt.
“. . . perhaps I should offer you a farewell kiss,” he finished. “On the hand, of course. It would only be proper.”
As if they hadn’t discarded propriety back in London.
He took her fingers lightly in his own. “We are courting, after all,” he said. “Aren’t we?”
She stared down at him, unable to take her eyes off of his head as he bent down over her hand. His lips brushed her fingers. Once . . . twice . . . and then he was through.
“Dream of me,” he said softly.
Her lips parted. She couldn’t stop watching his face. He’d mesmerized her, held her soul captive. And she couldn’t move.
“Unless you want more than a dream,” he said.
She did.
“Will you stay?” he whispered. “Or will you go?”
She stayed. Heaven help her, she stayed.
And Michael showed her just how romantic a library could be.
Chapter 21
. . . a brief note to let you know that I have arrived safely in Scotland. I must say, I am glad to be here. London was stimulating as always, but I believe I needed a bit of quiet. I feel quite more focused and at peace here in the country.
—from the Countess of Kilmartin to her mother,
the dowager Viscountess Bridgerton,
one day after her arrival at Kilmartin
Three weeks later, Francesca still didn’t know what she was doing.
Michael had brought up the issue of marriage twice more, and each time she’d managed to dodge the question. If she considered his proposal, she would actually have to think. She’d have to think about him, and she’d have to think about John, and worst of all, she’d have to think about herself.
And she’d have to figure out just what it was she was doing. She kept telling herself she would marry him only if she became pregnant, but then she kept coming back to his bed, allowing him to seduce her at every turn.
But even that wasn’t truly accurate any longer. She was delusional if she thought she required any seducing to make room for him in her bed. She’d become the wicked one, however much she tried to hide from the fact by telling herself that she was wandering the house at night in her bedclothes because she was restless, not because she was seeking his company.
But she always found him. Or if not, she placed herself in a position where he might find her.
And she never said no.
Michael was growing impatient. He hid it well, but she knew him well. She knew him better than she knew anyone left on this planet, and even though he insisted he was courting her, wooing her with romantic phrases and gestures, she could see the faint lines of impatience curling around his mouth. He would begin a conversation that she knew would lead to the subject of marriage, and she always dodged it before he mentioned the word.
He allowed her to get away with it, but his eyes would change, and his jaw would tighten, and then, when he took her—and he always did, after moments like those—it was with renewed urgency, and even a touch of anger.
But still, it wasn’t quite enough to jolt her into action.
She couldn’t say yes. She didn’t know why; she just couldn’t.
But she couldn’t say no, either. Maybe she was wicked, and maybe she was a wanton, but she didn’t want this to end. Not the passion, and not, she was forced to acknowledge, his company, either.
It wasn’t just the lovemaking, it was the moments after, when she lay curled in his arms, his hand idly stroking her hair. Sometimes they were silent, but sometimes they talked, about anything and everything. He told her about India, and she told him of her childhood. She gave him her opinions about political matters, and he actually listened. And he told her devilish jokes that men were never supposed to tell women, and women certainly weren’t supposed to enjoy.