He still wasn’t quite certain how it had happened. He’d been looking at her; he couldn’t take his eyes off of her. The moment was seared in his brain—her pink silk dressing robe, the way her fingers had pinched together as she spoke to him. Her hair had been loose, hanging over one shoulder, and her eyes had been huge and wet with emotion.
And then she had turned away.
That was when it had happened. That was when everything had changed. Something had risen within him, something he couldn’t possibly identify, and his feet had moved. Somehow he found himself across the room, inches away, close enough to touch, close enough to take.
Then she had turned back.
And he was lost.
There was no stopping himself at that point, no listening to reason. Whatever fist of control he’d kept wrapped around his desire for years had simply evaporated, and he had to kiss her.
It had been as simple as that. There had been no choice involved, no free will. Maybe if she’d said no, maybe if she’d backed up and walked away. But she did neither of those things; she just stood there, her breath the only sound between them, and waited.
Had she waited for the kiss? Or had she waited for him to come to his senses and step away?
It was no matter, he thought harshly, crumpling a piece of paper between his fingers. The floor around his desk was now littered with crumpled pieces of paper. He was in a destructive mood, and the sheets were easy targets. He picked up a creamy white card sitting on his blotter and glanced at it before readying his fingers for the kill. It was an invitation.
He stopped, then took a closer look. It was for tonight, and he’d probably answered in the affirmative. He was quite certain Francesca had planned to go; the hostess was a longtime friend of hers.
Maybe he should drag his pathetic self upstairs and dress for the evening. Maybe he should go out, find himself a wife. It probably wouldn’t cure what ailed him, but it had to be done sooner or later. And it had to be better for the soul than sitting around and drinking behind his desk.
He stood, eyeing the invitation again. He sighed. He really didn’t want to spend the evening socializing with a hundred people who were going to ask after Francesca. With his luck, the party would be full of Bridgertons, or even worse, Bridgerton females, who looked fiendishly alike with their chestnut hair and wide smiles. None held a candle to Francesca, of course—her sisters were almost too friendly, too sunny and open. They lacked Frannie’s sense of mystery, the ironic twinkle that colored her eyes.
No, he didn’t want to spend the evening among polite company.
And so he decided to take care of his problems as he had so many times before.
By finding himself a woman.
Three hours later, Michael was at the front door to his club, his mood stunningly foul.
He’d gone to La Belle Maison, which was, if one wanted to be honest about it, nothing but a brothel, but as far as brothels went, it was classy and discreet, and one could be assured that the women were clean and there of their own free will. Michael had been an occasional guest during the years he’d lived in London; most men of his acquaintance had visited La Belle, as they liked to call it, at one point or another. Even John had gone, before he’d married Francesca.
He’d been greeted with great warmth by the madam, treated like a prodigal son. He had a reputation, she explained; and they’d missed his presence. The women had always adored him, frequently remarking that he was one of the few who seemed to care for their pleasure as well as his own.
For some reason, the flattery just left a sour taste in his mouth. He didn’t feel like a legendary lover just then; he was sick of his rakish reputation and didn’t much care if he pleased anyone that night. He just wanted a woman who might make his mind a delirious blank, even if only for a scant few minutes.
They had just the girl for him, the madam cooed. She was new and in great demand, and he would love her. Michael just shrugged and allowed himself to be led to a petite blond beauty that he was assured was the “very best.”
He started to reach out for her, but then his hand dropped. She wasn’t right. She was too blond. He didn’t want a blond.
Quite all right, he was told, and out emerged a ravishing brunette.
Too exotic.
A redhead?
All wrong.
Out they came, one after another, but they were too young, too old, too buxom, too slight, and then finally he’d selected one at random, determined to just close his damned eyes and get it over with.
He’d lasted two minutes.
The door had shut behind him and he’d felt sick, almost panicked, and he realized he couldn’t do it.
He couldn’t make love to a woman. It was appalling. Emasculating. Hell, he might as well have grabbed a knife and eunuched himself.
Before, he had taken his pleasure with women to blot out one woman. But now that he’d tasted her, even with one fleeting kiss, he was ruined.
And so instead he’d come here, to his club, where he didn’t have to worry about seeing anyone of the female persuasion. The aim, of course, was to wipe Francesca’s face from his mind, and he was rather hoping that alcohol would work where the delectable girls of La Belle Maison had not.
“Kilmartin.”
Michael looked up. Colin Bridgerton.
Damn.
“Bridgerton,” he grunted. Damn damn damn. Colin Bridgerton was the last person he wanted to see right now. Even the ghost of Napoleon, come down to slice a rapier through his gullet, would have been preferable.
“Sit down,” Colin said, motioning to the chair across from him.
There was no getting out of it; he could have lied and said he was meeting someone, but he still would have no excuse for not sitting with Colin to share a quick drink while he was waiting. And so Michael just gritted his teeth and sat, hoping that Colin had another engagement that would require his presence in—oh, about three minutes.
Colin picked up his tumbler, regarded it with curious diligence, then swirled the amber liquid around several times before taking a small sip. “I understand that Francesca has returned to Scotland.”
Michael gave a grunt and a nod.
“Surprising, wouldn’t you think? With the season still so young.”
“I don’t pretend to know her mind.”
“No, no, of course you wouldn’t,” Colin said softly. “No man of any intelligence would pretend to know a female mind.”
Michael said nothing.
“Still, it’s only been . . . what . . . a fortnight since she came down?”
“Just over,” Michael bit off. Francesca had returned to London the precise day that he had done.
“Right, of course. Yes, you’d know that, wouldn’t you?”
Michael shot Colin a sharp look. What the hell was he getting at?
“Ah, well,” Colin said, lifting one of his shoulders into a careless shrug. “I’m sure she’ll be back soon. Not likely to find a husband up in Scotland, after all, and that is her aim for this spring, is it not?”
Michael nodded tersely, eyeing a table across the room. It was empty. So empty. So joyfully, blessedly empty.
He could picture himself a very happy man at that table.
“Not feeling very conversational this evening, are we?” Colin asked, breaking into his (admittedly tame) fantasies.
“No,” Michael said, not appreciating the vague hint of condescension in the other man’s voice, “we are not.”
Colin chuckled, then took the last sip of his drink. “Just testing you,” he said, leaning back in his chair.
“To see if I have spontaneously divided into two separate beings?” Michael bit off.
“No, of course not,” Colin said with a suspiciously easy grin. “I can see that quite clearly. I was merely testing your mood.”
Michael arched a brow in a most forbidding manner. “And you found it . . . ?”
“Rather as usual,” Colin answered, undeterred.
Michael did nothing but scowl at him as the waiter arrived with their drinks.
“To happiness,” Colin said, lifting his glass in the air.
I am going to strangle him, Michael decided right then and there. I am going to reach across the table and wrap my hands around his throat until those annoying green eyes pop right out of his head.
“No toast to happiness?” Colin asked.
Michael let out an incoherent grunt and downed his glass in one gulp.
“What are you drinking?” Colin asked conversationally. He leaned over and peered at Michael’s glass. “Must be jolly good stuff.”
Michael fought the urge to clock him over the head with his now empty tumbler.
“Very well,” Colin said with a shrug, “I shall toast to my own happiness, then.” He took a sip, leaned back, then touched his lips to the glass again.
Michael glanced at the clock.
“Isn’t it a good thing I have nowhere to be?” Colin mused.
Michael let his glass drop down onto the table with a loud thunk. “Is there a point to any of this?” he demanded.
For a moment it looked like Colin, who could, by all accounts, talk anyone under the table when he so chose, would remain silent. But then, just when Michael was ready to give up on any guise of politeness and simply get up and leave, he said, “Have you decided what you’re going to do?”
Michael held himself very still. “Meaning?”
Colin smiled, with just enough condescension that Michael wanted to punch him. “About Francesca, of course,” he said.
“Didn’t we just confirm that she has left the country?” Michael said carefully.
Colin shrugged. “Scotland’s not so very far away.”
“It’s far enough,” Michael muttered. Certainly far enough to make it abundantly clear that she didn’t want anything to do with him.
“She’ll be all alone,” Colin said on a sigh.
Michael just narrowed his eyes and stared at him. Hard.
“I still think you should—” Colin broke himself off, quite on purpose, Michael was convinced. “Well, you know what I think,” Colin finally finished, taking a sip of his drink.
And Michael just gave up on being polite. “You don’t know a damned thing, Bridgerton.”
Colin raised his brows at the snarl in Michael’s voice. “Funny,” he murmured, “I hear that very thing all day long. Usually from my sisters.”
Michael was familiar with this tactic. Colin’s neat side-step was exactly the sort of maneuver he himself employed with such facility. And it was for probably this reason that his right hand had formed a fist under the table. Nothing had the power to irritate like the reflection of one’s own behavior in someone else.
But oh God, Colin’s face was so close.
“Another whisky?” Colin asked, effectively ruining Michael’s lovely vision of blackened eyes.
Michael was in the perfect mood to drink himself into oblivion, but not in the company of Colin Bridgerton, so he just let out a terse, “No,” and pushed his chair back.
“You do realize, Kilmartin,” Colin said, his voice so soft it was almost chilling, “that there is no reason you can’t marry her. None at all. Except, of course,” he added, almost as an afterthought, “the reasons you manufacture for yourself.”
Michael felt something tearing in his chest. His heart, probably, but he was growing so used to the feeling it was a wonder he still noticed it.
And Colin, damn his eyes, just wouldn’t shut up.
“If you don’t want to marry her,” Colin said thoughtfully, “then you don’t want to marry her. But—”
“She might say no,” Michael heard himself say. His voice sounded rough, choked, foreign to his ears.
Dear God, if he’d jumped on the table and declared his love for Francesca, he couldn’t have made it any more clear.
Colin’s head tilted a fraction of an inch to the side, just enough to acknowledge that he’d heard the subtext in Michael’s words. “She might,” he murmured. “In fact, she probably will. Women often do, the first time you ask.”
“And how many times have you proposed marriage?”
Colin smiled slowly. “Just once, actually. This afternoon, as a matter of fact.”
It was the one thing—truly, the only thing—that Colin could have said to completely diffuse Michael’s churning emotions. “I beg your pardon?” Michael asked, his jaw dropping in shock. This was Colin Bridgerton, the eldest of the unmarried Bridgerton brothers. He’d practically created a profession of avoiding marriage.
“Indeed,” Colin said mildly. “Thought it was about time, although I suppose honesty is owed here, so I should probably admit that she did not force me to ask twice. If it makes you feel any better, however, it did take several minutes to wheedle the yes out of her.”
Michael just stared.
“Her first reaction to my query was to fall to the pavement in surprise,” Colin admitted.
Michael fought the impulse to look around to see if he’d somehow been trapped in a theatrical farce without his knowledge. “Er, is she well?” he asked.
“Oh, quite,” Colin said, picking up his drink.
Michael cleared his throat. “Might I inquire as to the identity of the lucky lady?”
“Penelope Featherington.”