Teal
Later that day, I join Elsa and Kim for a girls’ time.
In the past, I didn’t know what girls’ time meant. After all, Knox and Agnus and Dad have always been my entourage. Now that Elsa joined us, it’s become more…well, interesting.
My foster sister isn’t exactly the girly type, not like her best friend Kim who’s sporting killer green hair that matches the colour of her eyes. Whenever they gather, they talk a little about their lives and a lot about Aiden and Xander and sex. Usually, those conversations don’t bother me. I used to watch their blushing faces and wonder what they’re being so embarrassed about.
After Ronan, I kind of figured it out. The mere thought of what he did to my body rises heat up my cheeks. I still feel him inside me with every step I take, and I hate that my only thought is how much I want to repeat it all over again.
If he didn’t bloody ruin it.
As soon as we get into the small coffee shop and order, I excuse myself to the bathroom as Kim shows Elsa pictures of her little brother, Kirian, and they both swoon over him. If Aiden were here, he would’ve been jealous of that kid. No kidding. Hell, if Xander didn’t already consider Kirian a little brother, he might have been jealous, too.
After finishing in the bathroom, I come out, staring at my phone. No texts.
I told myself I won’t check for them, but I’m like a junkie. I can’t stop waiting for something from him. Not that I would forgive him that easily for what he did, but still. Ronan not sending anything is suspicious as hell.
My feet come to a halt in front of the bathroom. Silver stands there, staring at her phone and touching a dainty butterfly necklace surrounding her pale throat. A soft smile grazes her lips. It’s almost innocent – which is the last adjective I would’ve used to describe Silver. It’s true that she’s some sort of a bombshell, but she always came with an edge.
She has the most beautiful smile that she showcases on social media, usually with her powerhouse parents or stepmom or her father’s PR team. Even Ronan used to post many pictures with her, half-hugging her or both smiling at the camera. He usually captioned it with: Beautiful People. The arrogant prick.
When I was stalking his Instagram, which goes back to years, I noticed that when he was around fifteen, he often posted pictures with the other three horsemen, Levi King – Aiden’s older cousin – and Silver. She was the only girl amongst the five of them.
Then, little by little, she started to disappear from their pictures. Especially this year.
Upon noticing me, Silver drops her hand from her necklace and just like that, her expression hardens. All smiles and innocence vanish into thin air.
She stares at my shirt on which is written, Nerd? I prefer the term ‘more intelligent than you.’
Her icy stare slides back to my face. “Teal.”
“Silver.”
She waltzes closer until she can stare down at me. Stupid tall people and their legs that go for miles. “I still haven’t forgiven you for the other day.”
“Neither have I.”
“But I might.”
“Not interested.”
“Just…” she trails off, wetting her lips. That’s the first nervous gesture I’ve ever seen from her. “Tell me how Kim is doing.”
“Why don’t you ask her yourself?” From what Kim mentioned before, she used to be close friends with Silver, but they fell apart when they were pre-teens and since then, Silver turned into a tormentor instead of a friend. However, neither Elsa nor Kim witnessed the other facet of Silver. Besides, after Kim was discharged from the hospital, Silver showed up, apologised to her and left.
Since we met at the club, Silver has been asking me about Kim’s state regularly.
“She’ll just curse me,” she murmurs.
“That’s because you haven’t been there for her when she needed you the most.”
“I know that. Just tell me how she’s doing.” She swallows as if chasing away a horrendous image. “Is she coping?”
“Yeah. She’s doing better.”
Her lips pull in a smile, before she clears her throat. “Okay, thank you.”
“You can’t keep asking about her behind her back this way, Silver. You have to face her one day.”
“One day. Not today.” She pauses. “Don’t tell her I asked.”
“Whatever.”
She flips her hair. “And stay away from Cole.”
“You stay away from Ronan.”
We go our separate ways at the bathroom’s exit. She leaves the small coffee shop without sparing a glance at Elsa and Kim. Perhaps it’s because her parents are politicians, but from what I’ve seen, Silver is a master of disguising her emotions.
When I settle back at the table, two pairs of eyes almost dig holes in my face. I take a sip of my orange juice and meet Elsa and Kim’s incredulous gazes. “What?”
“What was that all about?” Elsa hisses. “Silver?”
“Yeah, Teal.” Kim huffs. “Why were you talking to Silver?”
Because of you.I lift a shoulder instead.
“She’s a bitch, Teal.” Elsa grips her hot chocolate tight.
“I can be a bitch, too.” I slurp from my juice.
“No, you’re not.” Kim rubs my arm. “You’re so cool. You’re just different.”
I suppress a smile. This is why Kim and Elsa are special – they don’t only see the façade but they take time to notice what’s behind it.
“Besides.” Elsa smiles in a sly way. “You’re with Ronan so he’ll eventually rub off on you.”
My heart does that tightening thing whenever his name is mentioned. I pretend the juice is my only focus. “He doesn’t matter.”
“You think I haven’t noticed the way you look at him when he’s not paying attention?” Elsa sighs. “It’s like you want to engrave yourself on his skin.”
“I do not.”
“Yeah, you do.” Kim pokes my shoulder. “He’s the same, you know. He looks at you like you’re the greatest and most fascinating riddle of all.”
He does?
How come I never noticed that?
Elsa winks at me. “I say you changed your views about love. It’s not a bunch of chemical reactions anymore, right?”
“It is. All dopamine and neurotransmitters. It’s all delusional.” Even as I say the words, I don’t believe any of them.
Teal
Being addicted to something is the worst thing that can happen to anyone. It’s like your entire life is based on that high.
While I always wanted to get rid of the trance mode, I never slipped into addiction. I never let anything become the centre of my life.
Not even my pain.
I got around it, fought it, and eventually, I made friends with it. That was the only way for me to survive.
What I never thought about was becoming addicted to someone rather than something.
Since I left the Meet Up over the weekend, all I’ve been thinking about is him. My unwanted addiction.
Fucking Ronan.
Around him I become this junkie in need of one more hit, one more smile.
One more touch.
If you asked me what I’m addicted to when it comes to Ronan, I wouldn’t have an answer.
It could be his voice with the slight rumble, his symmetrical face that somehow became a piece of art in my mind. Perhaps it’s his smiles — the genuine ones — or his clingy nature that for some insane reason comes across as adorable rather than creepy.
Or maybe, just maybe, it’s the care he showcases discreetly.
Around him, I’m levitating before I realise it. I’m smiling like it’s the most natural thing to do.
It isn’t.
It shouldn’t be.
I tell myself I’m only in his house because of Charlotte, but soon after I said my hello, I told her I’d be bringing up tea, even though she said Lars would do it.
I pass by Ronan’s room and linger there for a second too long — or maybe ten seconds; I don’t know.
God.I’m starting to be like one of those idiotic hormonal teenagers I thought I was above. Turns out I’m not — far from it.
Damn it.
Fine, I’ll pretend I’m cool with what happened at the Meet Up. After all, the reason I left was stupid. I was overreacting and being a fool and…fuck, I’ve been stalking his Instagram all weekend, waiting for him to post a picture with any other girl so I could pounce on him.
He didn’t.
He posted two pictures. One was of him and Xander half-naked, wearing shades and lounging by the latter’s pool.
The caption said: He hates me for waking him up, but I’m happy to have mon fréro back.
That put a smile on my face. Ronan always seemed to get along with Xander more than Cole and Aiden. Something tells me Xander is also more tolerant of Ronan’s personality than the other two.
The second picture was of Ronan making a face behind an oblivious Cole, who was reading from a book.
The caption said: Nerd.
That’s it.