Elsa and Kim already categorise her as such. In fact, the entire school considers her queen bee. After seeing her at the club, it’s hard for me to look at her from that perspective.
“I thought you didn’t like him.” I study my black nails. “It seemed that way at the club.”
Her cheeks redden. “Shut up.”
“I’m only saying it as I see it, Silver.”
“Oh, you want me to say it as I see it, too?” She straightens, and since she’s taller, she uses every inch to look down at me. “You’re afraid of Ronan, Teal.”
“Me, afraid?” I scoff.
“Yes. You know he can barge through the whole goth and satanic exterior and see the real girl inside, and you don’t want that, so you picked up the defence and decided to protect your walls. But you know what? You can’t protect your walls and claim him at the same time. One of these days, you’ll have to choose.” She flips her hair. “But what do I know, right?”
I continue staring at Silver’s back as she heads to her car.
Her words swirl in my mind, but their impact is a lot worse than she aimed for. She wanted to make me feel guilty so I’d go to Ronan and leave her plan alone, but a different realisation hits me.
I realise I am feeling after my vow not to ever feel again.
And I realise I need to get rid of these feelings.
Only one way to go about this.
Ronan
That night, I mope around at the Meet Up.
Okay, maybe mope around is the wrong word. I’m sulking like a whore without clients.
And who gets to witness my misery? The three other fuckers I don’t want near me right now.
Xander just returned from rehab and is grinning like a fucking idiot with those dimples someone should get rid of to give the world some peace. What’s so special about them anyway? They’re like holes in his cheeks. I’ve always thought they’re overrated with the ladies.
Even Kimmy loves them, secretly or openly or whatever you want to call it, but we all agree that Kimmy and Elsa have terrible taste in men. And by we all, I mean Lars and me when I slur stories to him whenever I’m stoned.
Like now.
This shit is good.
I take a drag of the joint and close my eyes, letting it submerge me into its hold. I’m not a junkie. Unlike common belief, I don’t smoke weed every day. I only do it when I don’t want to be in my head or when I want to throttle someone and I know I can’t.
Lars PMSes and writes about me in his little black book when I smoke in my room, especially now that his favourite earl is in the house. Lars is a fucking traitor. I’m removing him from my list of people. I’m also removing Cole and Aiden.
These two fuckers are lucky I’m in no fighting mood or I would’ve jammed both their faces against each other.
Or not.
Violence might cross my mind once and again, but I don’t act on it — or rather I have enough self-control to never act on it. That whole package comes together: an earl’s heir, a noble title, expectations, and a good boy tag.
Maybe if I hadn’t been fucked up at a young age, I would’ve grown into that image. Maybe I wouldn’t be smoking my joint and imagining her disappointed, angry obsidian eyes staring up at me, as if I let her down and scared her at the same fucking time.
I glare at Cole, who’s sitting beside Aiden, leaning his head against his fist and reading from that same book he had when they were together earlier.
That book is going down.
“We should all agree that my pussy suggestion is the best,” Aiden tells Xander, who’s sitting on the armrest of my chair and twirling a ball.
“Your suggestions are never the best.” Xan rolls his eyes. “If anything, they’re the worst.”
“They are the best.” Aiden’s lips tilt in a smirk. “Ask Nash.”
Cole flips him off without looking up from his book.
“Nash is a petty little bitch, so his opinion doesn’t matter anyway.” Aiden points at me. “Ask Astor. I gave him the best tip today.”
I nod without saying a word.
“And you sent that text to Silver,” Cole says. It’s not a question; he’s dead sure about it, and I’m a hundred per cent certain he’s planning Aiden’s demise as we speak.
Usually, I’d watch their clashing with a grin. I even instigate it at times, but now, I want Cole down, not Aiden, in a grudge-like, I’ll-haunt-you-for-eternity kind of way.
“Wait.” Xander pauses twirling his ball. “Drama went down today, didn’t it? Damn. I can’t believe I missed it. Updates, anyone? Ron?”
“You tell me nothing.” I continue glaring at Cole. “Why should I tell you?”
“Come on.” Xan jokingly hits my shoulder with his. “You’re still salty about that? You have a big mouth, Ron. If I told you anything, it would’ve been in the Daily Mail.”
He and everyone on the team like to think I don’t keep secrets, and I perfected that image because I don’t want them to throw their darkest secrets on me. I don’t want to be the vessel of those because they only bring me down.
That’s why whenever any of them tells me something, I make sure the entire team knows, so they’ll stop dumping their shit on me.
I’m already bubbling with one secret. It keeps expanding and becoming larger than life with time, and if I add others, I’ll just snap. I’ll just let it all go.
And I can’t do that to my mother. I just…can’t.
“Here’s the condensed version of what went down,” Aiden starts in a semi-bored tone. “Nash here was trying to start a battle by spending time with Teal, and Astor brought Silver and started his own war after making us believe wars are beneath him. Astor has been trying to make us think he doesn’t care about his new fiancée who has a tendency towards satanic rituals and sarcasm, but he is actually contemplating the best way to kill Nash and bury him without anyone finding out. Oh, by the way, Nash is contemplating the same while pretending to read that book, because, as I always say though no one believes me, Nash is a petty little bitch.”
“Damn.” Xan throws his ball in the air then catches it. “I can’t believe I missed all of that.”
Cole doesn’t even lift his head from his book, because if he did, he’d show his real emotions, and he’s not the type to do that.
Lucky for me, I have my beloved joint. It erases all emotions whether I like it to or not. My expression must look serene, happy almost.
“So…” Xan pokes me. “New fiancée and stuff, huh? Since when do you take your father’s orders?”
“I don’t.” I drag a long inhalation and check my phone.
Nothing.
Absolute desert. She hasn’t replied to any of my texts.
Yes, she ignores me sometimes, but not to this extent.
On a scale from one to ten, how dangerous is climbing someone’s balcony?
I’d take pointers from Aiden and Xan, but fuck them basically.
“But you’re engaged to her, right?” Xander insists.
“I am, and if some fucker gets in the way of that, I won’t stay still.”
“Do I hear a threat?” Aiden smirks.
Cole lifts his head slowly even though he’s still leaning on his fist. “Is it? A threat, I mean.”
“You tell me, Captain. Play in my half of the field and I’ll crush you.”
“Woah.” Xander chuckles, pointing at me. “Death is coming out. He’s coming out. Hold on to your tits, bitches.”
“Show him, Astor.” Aiden grabs Cole’s shoulder. “He deserves that side of you.”
I glare at Cole, and he glares back before saying, “I thought you didn’t want Teal?”
“I thought it’s none of your business.”
“Of course he wants her,” Aiden scoffs.
My glare snaps to him.
“What?” He feigns innocence. “I’m just saying if you want pointers about chasing and conquering, I can give you pointers from the King household manual of cease and desist.”
“That sounded so fucking wrong,” Xander says. “You know that, right?”
“How do you think my dear cousin Lev got Astrid? We both take those genes from Jonathan. I’m not an alien. My father is only more interested in business. Imagine if he wanted a human being.”
We all pause then shake our heads with distaste.
Jonathan King is better off without any human presence near him.
“See?” Aiden raises a brow as if proving a point. “Now, back to Astor — you want help with your fiancée?”
“I don’t need help. I just need you all to fuck off.”
And for her to answer my texts.
There’s still no reply. She didn’t even see the fucking messages.
Cole stares at me funny for a second before he stands up and heads in the bathroom’s direction.
“Hey, Knight,” Aiden starts. “Give him pointers. I still vote for chase and conquer, but maybe Knight’s pussy ways work.”