OPERATION EMOTION:PHASE HAPPINESS
What makes men happy?
The question had plagued me in the lead-up to the third phase of OE. Most of the things that would make men happy didn’t apply to Alex or my situation.
Money? He had plenty of it.
Job satisfaction? Nothing I could do about it.
Spending time with friends? Josh was Alex’s only friend that I knew of, and I was pretty sure Alex did not enjoy most people’s company.
Sex? Um, I wasn’t having sex with him for an experiment. Or any other reason, even if I was the teeniest bit curious about what it would be like.
Love? Lol, okay. Alex Volkov in love. Sure.
Jules suggested a blowjob, which fell under sex and which I vetoed.
It took days of brainstorming, but I came up with something that might work. Perhaps it wouldn’t make Alex soul-happy, but it’ll help him relax and laugh a little.
Maybe.
“I dislike sitting on the ground.” He stared at the grass like it was a mud pit. “It’s uncomfortable and unsanitary.”
“It’s not. How is it unsanitary?” I laid a blanket out and anchored it with the picnic basket so it wouldn’t blow away. I’d convinced him to go for a picnic at Meridian Hill Park. When I brought it up, he’d acted like I’d suddenly sprouted two heads, but he’d agreed.
Now, if only he would stop acting like such a grouch, we could enjoy the last days of summer.
“The grass is probably soaked with dog urine,” he said.
I winced at the mental image. “That’s what the blanket is for. Sit.”
Alex heaved an aggrieved sigh and sat, looking unhappy about it the entire time.
Undeterred, I unpacked the picnic basket, which contained summer pasta (my favorite), lobster rolls (Alex’s favorite, according to Josh), assorted fruit, cheese and crackers, strawberry lemonade, and of course, my red velvet cookies, which Alex seemed to like.
“This is so much better than being cooped up inside.” I stretched my arms over my head, luxuriating in the sunshine. “Fresh air, good food. Don’t you feel happier already?”
“No. There are children screaming everywhere, and a fly just landed in your salad.”
Damn flies. I quickly shooed it away.
“Why are we here, Ava?” Alex’s brow pinched.
“I’m trying to help you relax, but you’re making it damn hard.” I threw my hands in the air, pretty exasperated myself. “You know that magical thing you did during movie night called a laugh? You did it once, you can do it again. Come on,” I encouraged while he stared at me like I was crazy. “You must have some warm, fuzzy feelings left inside of you somewhere.”
And that was the moment a dog from a nearby party wandered over and peed on Alex’s shoes.
PHASE HAPPINESS STATUS: FAILED
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