I mean it. If he shows me his worst, I’ll be able to hate him once and for all. I’ll stop dreaming about him and his touch and his damn freaking scent.
As if reading my mind, and deciding to go against it — as usual — Aiden releases my sex and my wrists. My arms drop on either side of me like lifeless body parts.
I don’t move from the door. Not even when he steps back further.
His face remains impassive, but when he speaks, his voice hits me like thunder in a winter night. “Well played, Elsa. Well fucking played.”
“Are you done?”
He smiles, but it’s neither mocking nor in triumph. It’s a challenge at its purest form. “I just got started.”
“You can use my body all you like, but I’ll never forgive you, Aiden.”
“Then I won’t touch you.”
My eyes widen.
Perhaps my ears are damaged because I could swear I just heard Aiden say he won’t touch me.
His strongest weapon has always been physical intimidation. Hell, except for today, I’ve always become a wanton mess in his hands.
I narrow my eyes. “Is that a promise? Not touching me, I mean.”
“Until you forgive me, I won’t fuck you.”
“Which means never.”
“Believe me, sweetheart. When you know the truth, you’ll beg for it.”
Dinner with Auntand Uncle never felt so awkward.
Aunt is walking on eggshells around me and Uncle seems as if he doesn’t know what to say to dissipate the tension.
“Are you taking your meds?” Aunt asks while cutting shrimp and putting it on my plate. “You have an appointment with Dr Albert soon, so you have to watch your calorie intake and —”
“Blair,” Uncle cuts her off.
“Right.” She touches her temple. “You’re with Ethan now. It’s none of my business. Old habits die hard, I guess. Did he at least book your appointment? I emailed him all the dates colour-coded. There are tests and consultations and —”
“Blair.” Uncle touches her arm.
“Fine, fine. Let’s just eat.”
But she doesn’t just eat. Aunt basically empties the entire table on my plate.
“I forgot the soup.” She stands up. “I knew I forgot something.”
“Is she okay?” I ask Uncle after she disappears into the kitchen.
“She just needs time to get used to the new change. It’s not easy on her.”
I nod.
Uncle clears his throat. “Blair has always felt guilty about Abigail, she just didn’t show it. I’m not asking you to forgive her, but can you at least try to understand? She was shaking the entire way to Birmingham the other day. She loathes that place with a passion.”
My hands pause on the knife and fork.
I can relate to her. It’s not easy to go back to a place that traumatised you. During my entire stay at our house in Birmingham, I never had a full night’s sleep.
Not to mention the basement.
It’s still there at the far end of the tower, taunting me to come close and relieve bloodied memories.
Dr Khan said revisiting the place where a trauma started can trigger my subconscious. Dad also said that the basement now has a fingerprint-lock that I can open any time I like.
Truth is, I’m scared of that basement.
I’m scared to know what happened in there. If I step over that line, I would never be able to return.
I have the scar to prove it.
Maybe, just maybe, I don’t want to learn more monstrous things about Ma.
“Eat, pumpkin.” Uncle offers me his warmest smile. “She spent the entire day preparing this dinner.”
I swallow past the clog in my throat and take a bite of the shrimp. It’s hard to taste over the stickiness at the roof of my mouth.
Aunt returns with the soup, her eyes wet as if she’s been crying. It’s like having an arrow shoot straight to my heart.
“Aunt —”
“It’s your favourite.” She cuts me off, her voice shaking at the end. “I might not be a good parent, but I can at least cook what you like.”
“It’s okay, Aunt. I understand what trauma feels like.” I stare at my lap before facing her again. “I shouldn’t have blamed it all on you. Mum was sick. Even if you were there, I don’t think much would have changed.”
Her mouth hangs open. “Elsa…”
“I’m sorry.”
“No. I’m sorry, hon.” She leans over and wraps me in a motherly hug. It’s warm and smells like cotton candy and summer. “I’m sorry I wasn’t around from the beginning. I’m so sorry.”
Me, too.
What would it feel like if I were born to a normal mother?
I guess I’ll never know. Whether I admit it or not, my mother was a monster.
I’m the daughter of that monster.
Now, I just have to decide whether to fight or embrace it.
I have to decide if I’m the type of person who locks children up to torture them like Ma or the type who sets them free like Dad.
Death or life.
Darkness or hope.
As I wrap my arms around Aunt, I know exactly who I want to be.
Elsa
For the following week, Aiden doesn’t leave me alone.
He’s there during lunch, dropping off my special food. I don’t eat any of it, opting to have lunch boxes, but he keeps bringing it anyway.
He’s also there during practice, passing me water and his sports drink.
I stopped counting the number of times he wanted to talk to me and I refused.
He offers to drive me home after school. I refuse to and choose to ride with Knox instead.
His jaw clenches and his left eye twitches whenever I do that. He clearly doesn’t like it, and I expect him to drag me by force more than once.
He doesn’t.
Every time we cross paths in the hall, he watches me with a disarming intensity. He confiscates my air and tucks it somewhere beyond reach. I often stiffen, expecting him to drag me into a corner, announcing the game is over, and teach me whom I belong to in his sadistic dominating ways.
None of that happened.
It’s weird.
No. It’s disarming.
His nice, grovelling side is starting to freak me out.
Aiden doesn’t do grovelling. Aiden takes without permission, leaving disaster in his wake.
I toss and turn at night thinking he might be genuine, maybe he really changed. Then I recall who he is, what he is, and quickly squash those thoughts.
People like Aiden don’t change. They’re too comfortable on their high and mighty pedestals to stoop low.
All this must be another ploy to make me trust him just so he can fuck me over again.
I’m done being that fool.
I’m done being played.
To his credit, I barely saw him with Silver in the school’s hallways. But who knows what’s going on behind closed doors.
Not that I care.
“Are you coming?”
I’m brought back to the present by Teal’s voice. She’s wearing her usual bored expression as she studies her black-polished nails.
“Yes!” Kim grabs my arm. “Let’s go.”
I can’t believe I agreed to this, but then again, Knox tricked me.
Apparently, he’s into football and was accepted into Elites. Teal and Kim wanted to see him play.
I don’t like being within two metres from the football pitch.
“I beat you in maths. You owe me, Ellie.”
And just like that, Knox had blackmailed me into watching the practice.
Teal, Kim, and I walk towards the pitch together.
“I’m telling you, our team is crazy good. You’re going to fall in love at first sight.” Kim interlaces her arm with Teal’s.
“Love is for losers,” Teal deadpans.
“You’re funny,” Kim laughs.
She thinks Teal is joking, but I doubt she is. Teal has an eccentric personality and the weirdest sense of humour. Sometimes, I don’t realise it’s a joke until she says it is.
The fact that she’s Knox’s twin is even stranger.
Kim decided Teal should belong in our circle because she’s ‘so cool’.
Kim thinks only rock stars are cool. The fact that she clicked with Teal so fast is a miracle in itself. Even Teal seems to like her. She offered her a cup of coffee the other day — and Teal doesn’t offer things.
My nerves skyrocket when we approach the wires and the players. It’s like I’m walking straight onto the battlefield.
Teal watches her surroundings and stops when a few girls start gushing and squealing — the horsemen’s fangirls. “So this is where the youth come to kill their brain cells.”
“Don’t be a mood killer.” Kim’s green eyes brighten as she gets lost in the game.
Elites are divided into two teams. Half is wearing blue jerseys and the other half neon yellow ones.
Aiden and Cole are on the blue team. Xander, Ronan, and Knox play for the yellow team.
“Go, Ronan!” Kim shouts when he takes possession of the ball and runs towards the goal.