He had some balls to ask me to smuggle him pills in the middle of the visitation room. His voice was too low for the guards to hear, but maybe the guards were in on it. In some prisons, the inmates ran the show, and the system as a whole was corrupt as fuck.
“You haven’t changed at all, have you?” I didn’t bother to pretend I didn’t know what he was talking about.
“I have changed,” Michael said. “Like I said, what I did to Ava was wrong, but the only way I can make amends is if I stay alive. And the only way for me to stay alive is to play the game.” His jaw tensed. “You don’t know what it’s like in here. How hard it is to survive. I’m depending on you.”
“Maybe you should’ve thought of that before you tried to murder my sister.” My pent-up anger didn’t explode; it seeped out of me, slow and steady, like toxic fumes poisoning the air.
For the first time since he showed up, Michael’s “remorseful father” mask slipped. His eyes pierced me like twin daggers. “I raised you. I fed you. I paid for your schooling.” He bit out each word like a bullet. “No matter how wrong I was, it doesn’t change the fact that I’m your father.”
The principle of filial piety had been ingrained in me since I was a child. Perhaps it even played a part in why it was so hard for me to cut ties with Michael, because a part of me did feel like I owed him for everything he’d given me growing up. We had a nice house and went on fancy family vacations. He bought me the latest gadgets for Christmas every year and paid for Thayer, one of the most expensive schools in the country.
However, there was a line to the blind obedience, and he’d crossed it a thousand times over.
“I appreciate all you did for me as a kid.” My hands formed white-knuckled fists under the table. “But being a parent is about more than providing basic necessities. It’s about trust and love. I heard your confession to Ava, Dad. What I didn’t hear was a fucking apology—”
“Don’t curse. It’s unbecoming.”
“Or a good explanation for why you did what you did, and I will fucking curse if I fucking want to, because, again, you tried to murder my sister!”
My pulse crescendoed into a deafening roar while my heart battered against my ribs. There was the explosion I’d been waiting for. Two years of pent-up emotion gushed out at once, erasing our brief moment of bonding.
The other inmates fell silent. One of the guards moved toward me in warning but stopped short of interrupting us.
Michael’s eye twitched. “You’re my son. You can’t leave me here to rot.”
He sounded like a broken record.
Our shared genes were the only bargaining chip he had left, and we both knew it.
“You’ve survived two years. I’m sure you’ll survive another twenty more.” I stood, my chest hollow now that I’d expelled all my emotion. Numbness set in and turned my skin cold.
I’d hoped against all hopes that my father could somehow redeem the unredeemable. That he could give a good reason for why he did what he did, or at least show genuine remorse. But it was suddenly, blindingly clear that while he could mimic love, he couldn’t actually feel it.
Perhaps he loved me in his own way, but that didn’t stop him from using me. If I were of no use to him—if I didn’t have access to the pills he craved, and if I weren’t his one remaining tie to the outside world—he would cast me aside without a second thought.
“Josh.” Michael let out a forced laugh. “You can’t be serious.”
“You’re my father by blood, but you’re not my family. You never will be. I’m sure your friends will understand.” I stood, a bitter taste coating my tongue. “I won’t be visiting again, but I wish you all the best.”
“Josh.” Panic crept into his eyes, followed by stunned hurt. It might be the first real emotion I’d seen from him in a long time, but it was too late.
At some point, we had to let go of who a person used to be or who they could be and see them for who they really were. And the person Michael Chen had become wasn’t someone I wanted to call my father.
“Sit down,” he said. “We don’t have to talk about the pills. Tell me about your travels. You always liked traveling. Where are you going next?”
My eyes burned as I walked away.
“Josh.” The panic bled into his voice. “Josh!”
I didn’t answer or say goodbye.
I signed out and kept walking until I hit the blazing heat outside the prison.
I had closure, but no one told me closure was such a bitch. It clawed at my bones and ripped a bloody gash through my heart until every breath became a battle.
But instead of trying to assuage it, I embraced it. Because even though pain hurt like a motherfucker, it proved you were still alive, and it was only after it faded that you could finally heal.
JULES
The doorbell rang lessthan a minute after I finished my online bar review lesson.
The exam was in less than a month, which meant I lived and breathed prep until it was over. No going out, no coffee catchups with my friends, no big dates with Josh. When we did see each other, Josh and I kept it low key; sometimes, our hangouts consisted of me studying while he made coffee and ordered takeout.
But when I answered the door and saw him standing in the hall, his face a mask of granite, all thoughts of the bar vanished.
“I visited Michael.” His hollow voice told me all I needed to know about how the visit went.
Shit.
“How are you feeling?” I didn’t ask for details about the visit; they weren’t important. What was important was how Josh was handling the aftermath.
I opened the door wider so he could enter. Stella was at work, and I had the place to myself for the next few hours.
“Like how you’d expect.” Josh shot me a lopsided smile, but his muscles were visibly tense. His eyes fell on my open laptop and textbooks. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to barge into your study time. I know you’re busy…”
“Don’t worry about it. I was due for a study break anyway.” I’d been studying for six hours straight, and my eyes were blurry from staring at the screen so long.
I welcomed the distraction, though I wish it were a happier one.
I sank onto the couch next to Josh. “Do you want to talk about it?” I asked. “Usually, I charge for my therapeutic services, but you’re hot, so I’ll give you a complimentary fifteen-minute session.”
“I am hot.” He nodded. “I like you. We’re off to a good start.”
“Well, I have a lot of experience with delusional narcissists. I live in D.C., after all.”
Josh’s rough laugh wrapped around my heart. “That’s a valid point.”
My smile lingered for another moment before I sobered. “Seriously, how are you?”
He leaned his head against the backrest. “Sad. Pissed. Resigned to the fact my father and I will never reconcile. And…” His throat flexed with a hard swallow. “Relieved that I can finally put it all behind me. I read his letters. It was just bullshit emotional manipulation. Michael will never change, and seeing him and cutting ties was fucking painful. But I got what I needed.”
“Closure,” I said softly.
“Yeah.” He turned to face me, his eyes dark with self-deprecation. “I realize how stupid it was to put off confronting him for so long. I put my life on hold for two years when I could’ve just gotten it over with and moved on.”
“It’s not stupid.” I curled my hand around his and squeezed. “You weren’t ready. It’s not just about the confrontation. It’s about giving yourself time to prepare. Figure out what you want.”
“Yeah.” He knocked his knee against mine. “You’re not as shitty a therapist as I thought you’d be.”
I placed a hand over my chest in mock outrage. “I give you a free session, and that’s how you repay me? By insulting me?”
“You love it when I insult you.”
“Newsflash, genius. No one likes getting insulted.”
“You want to test that theory?” Josh’s voice lowered.
Just like that, the air shifted. Heavy emotion gave way to a crackling electricity that buzzed over my skin and surged through my blood. It’d been way too long since I’d had sex, and every look, every word, kindled another spark of arousal.
But it wasn’t just about sex. Sometimes, the only way to purge the emotional was through the physical. Catharsis in its rawest form.
If this was what Josh needed after his visit with Michael, I would give it to him.
“What did you have in mind?” Josh had been there for me when I needed a distraction from Max. It was time for me to return the favor…not that that was a hardship in any way.
A shadow of tension remained in his eyes, but his smile was all silk and wickedness. “Take off your clothes, Red.”
An insistent beat pulsed between my legs at his soft command.
I stood and kept my gaze on his as I slowly slid the top button of my shirt out of its hole. Banked heat incinerated the shadows in his eyes and engulfed me in its flames.
“What kind of man makes the woman do all the work?” I unbuttoned the second button. “I didn’t realize you were such a slacker, Chen.” Third button. “Or is it performance anxiety that’s holding you back?”
I cast a pointed glance at his groin, but my mouth dried at the size of his arousal.
I’d forgotten how big he was. How rough he liked it.
Fourth button.
Nervous anticipation rolled through me like a rising tide.
“It’s interesting how you keep insulting me like I won’t take every word out on you later,” Josh said calmly when I shrugged out of my shirt and let it flutter to the ground. “Or maybe you want me to take it on you later?”
Fire blazed on my cheeks.
I shimmied out of my pants, my fingers shaking.
“That’s what I thought.” His smile turned knowing. “Underwear, too. Take it off, then walk to your room.”
The air conditioning was on full blast, but the heat of his stare on my naked body warmed me from head to toe.
He walked behind me, his steps near silent, like a predator stalking willing prey.
My anticipation crescendoed when we reached my room, but it devolved into confusion when Josh opened my closet and flicked through the hangers until he pulled something off one of them.
“What…” I trailed off at the sight of the silk scarves in his hands.
My stomach tumbled over itself. Oh God.
He wrapped the scarves around his fist so they didn’t trail on the ground. “Get on the bed, Jules.”
Normally, I would put up more of a fight, but I was too wet and aching to do anything except what he said.
The mattress dipped beneath my weight. Josh joined me less than two seconds later, and I sucked in a sharp breath when he pushed me face down on the bed and tied my hands to the headboard posts.
“What are you doing?” I could barely hear myself over the roar in my ears. My nipples were so hard it was almost painful, and my juices slicked my thighs at the gallery of X-rated images playing in my head.
“Since you think I’m so lazy…” He moved down my body, and I let out a small yelp when he yanked my legs apart and tied my ankles to the remaining posts. “I might as well prove you right.”
Josh stepped off the bed to admire his handiwork. I was tied spread eagle on the bed, and a hot flush stole over my face when I realized he had an unimpeded view of how turned on I was—my clit swollen and throbbing, my thighs wet with my arousal.
But when he turned and opened my nightstand drawer, dread trickled into my veins.
He wouldn’t.
“Josh, don’t you fucking dare.”
“Dare what?” His voice was all innocence, but a dark gleam entered his eyes when he found what he was looking for.