He thought he saw her flinch out of the corner of his eye, but when he turned to look at her, her face was impassive.
“At least I finally know what you really think of me.”
He turned into his parking spot, his sudden anger gone as quickly as it had come.
“No, Alexa, I didn’t . . .” She was out of the car before he could say anything else. He followed her up to his apartment, unlocked the door, and pushed it open for her before following her inside.
“I shouldn’t have said that. I didn’t mean it—that’s not how I feel,” he said as soon as he’d shut the door. Her back was still to him as she walked around the living room picking up her stuff.
“Alexa! Come on, talk to me.” She finally turned to him. He looked at the pile of her stuff in her hands. “Wait a minute, what are you doing?”
She neatly piled it all into the big purse she always used on the airplane.
“What does it look like I’m doing? Why are you still here? Don’t you have to go to the hospital?”
He shook his head in reaction to what she’d said. In reaction to everything.
“No! I mean, yes, I have to go to the hospital, but no, please don’t pack. Don’t leave now! You can’t leave now. I have to talk to you.”
She stood there, silently, staring somewhere around the base of his neck but not meeting his eyes. He closed the distance between them and held on to her shoulders. She finally looked up at him but still didn’t say anything.
“Promise me. Promise you won’t leave. If this . . . if this has meant anything to you at all, promise me you won’t leave while I’m at the hospital.”
She closed her eyes and dropped her head, but he didn’t let go of her. Finally, she whispered, “Okay. I promise.”
He pulled her into his arms. She leaned her head against his shoulder for a quick second before she stepped backward.
“Go. You’re going to be late.”
She was right. He looked back over his shoulder at her on his way out the door, but she had already turned to look out the window.
Alexa dropped into a chair and put her head in her hands as soon as he walked out the door. What a fucking nightmare the past few hours had been. She’d planned the whole way home in the car to pack and take a cab to the airport as soon as he left for the hospital, but now she couldn’t even do that.
She was usually the last person who would leave in the middle of a fight. She liked to finish any discussion, she liked closure, and she always wanted to know exactly where she stood.
But this time she couldn’t wait to get out of there. She already knew where she stood; she didn’t need him to say it out loud. She didn’t want to finish this fight, didn’t want him to tell her what she knew was coming, didn’t want to have to deal with the pain of listening to the gentle breakup speech he’d perfected on the dozen women who came before her.
What would be even worse was if he didn’t give her the breakup speech today. If instead he found some way to convince her to stay with him. That would just postpone the inevitable and make it hurt all the more when he finally decided to move on. And make her feel even more stupid when he did.
That’s why she had to get out of there. Fly back to Berkeley so she could hide inside of her apartment and eat ice cream and cry for an entire day before she had to face anyone.
But now she’d promised him she wouldn’t leave, and as much as she wanted to break that promise, she wouldn’t. And now she had to sit here and wait, with only her own thoughts for company.