“I don’t know what to do.” I dropped my head to me knees, sighing. “I told him I want a divorce after the Green Living lawsuit is over. I need to leave. Leave before he breaks whatever’s still left in me. Leave before he leaves me.”
The last sentence robbed me of my breath. There was a good chance Cillian was going to come to the conclusion I wasn’t worth the drama. Cut his losses and move on to the next wife on the list. Nothing went smoothly between us. I wasn’t pregnant yet. I was working for his enemy, still keeping in touch with my ex-husband’s grandmother…
It was not what he wanted, and Kill Fitzpatrick always got what he wanted.
Not to mention, I couldn’t live like this anymore, either. Straddling the line between real and fake.
Belle was the first to speak.
“My mind and my heart are at war right now. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’m about to give you my heart’s advice. Remember at the cabin, all those months ago? When Cillian bet his ass in poker and left the money for Sailor and me to take? The only thing he asked was for us not to badmouth him to you. It was very telling, mostly because Kill’s name is being dragged through the mud on a daily basis in the news and he doesn’t seem to give a shit. I think he cares for you. I think he doesn’t want to care for you, but he does. He doesn’t want your loved ones to tell you not to be with him. I lost a bet, and I intend to respect it. I can’t tell you to leave him, Pers. Not now. Not yet.”
My gut twisted.
“Sam always says, a child who is not loved by his village will burn it down to feel its warmth,” Sailor said quietly. She took a seat on the edge of the coffee table, raking her fingers through her fire-red hair. “I think Cillian has been watching everything around him burn for far too long. The Fitzpatrick men are wounded, but they hide it very well, and from what I gather, very differently. If anyone can stop him from destroying the rest of the world, it’s you. Give him time,” Sailor whispered. “It’s the most precious gift of all.”
I turned to Aisling. She was the only person to remain quiet. She was also the only person who didn’t lose the bet with Kill.
“I think”—she bit her lower lip—“my brother wants you. I think he cares for you. But I also know he was the same man who blackmailed you into marrying him. He knew your life was in danger, and he took advantage of you. I don’t know if this is the kind of environment you want to raise your child in.” She rubbed at her forehead, struggling to let the words out. “I grew up in a dysfunctional family, and I don’t have it in me to recommend you go the same route. I don’t think you should stay.”
We were split down the middle now.
Stay or walk away?
My heart said one thing; my brain said another.
In the end, it was my body that won.
I fell asleep in the arms of my best friends.
My estranged husband did not contact me for two weeks.
I’d spent every single day with Tinder and Tree, ignoring Cillian right back. Just because I didn’t truly leave him, didn’t mean I was going to actively seek him out. Something had been broken the day I’d found out he had me followed—maybe even cheated on me—and I needed time.
I moved back to the apartment he’d set up for me. Just a little F-you to my husband, letting him know I intended to make use of all the plush amenities he’d offered me.
When Saturday rolled around, I showed up to my tutoring session with Tinder and Tree bearing gifts. I wasn’t Gerald Fitzpatrick. I couldn’t fault the two nuggets for their father’s sins, and I’d grown to love and care for them.
Especially Tinder, who needed every ounce of love he could get.
“Guess who is here, and with presents!” Joelle announced when she opened the door for me that morning. I marched in carrying bags of goods. Tinder and Tree descended the stairway, squealing in delight. Tree slid down the bannisters making pirate noises while Tinder bounced on his toes all the way down. They both tackle-hugged me. We fell on the floor in a heap of breathless giggles.
“Auntie Persy, look what I made for you.” Tinder shoved a drawing in my face. The title gave me pause. He thought of me as family, and I wasn’t family. I was, in fact, just the opposite. Still, I plucked the paper between his pudgy fingers, gasping and asking questions.
“It’s a map. If we follow it, we’ll get to heaven, and in heaven, everyone is nice, and no one hits you!” Tinder exclaimed.
I whipped my head in his direction, about to ask him who, exactly, hit him, when Tree pounced on me.
“What’d you get us?” Tree grabbed my cheeks, squashing them. “Is it a truck? I told Mommy I want one for Christmas. Red. It has to be red. It must. Your favorite color, right, Auntie Persy?”
“Tree, my gosh, why would you say that? Any gift is welcome. The fact she thought about you is enough.” Joelle scoffed. Our eyes met, and we shared a smile. In the past few months, we’d built a tentative friendship, based on our shared love for her sons. I knew it wasn’t easy for her to open up to me. Especially seeing as she had to slam her door in the faces of journalists and cameramen on a daily basis every time my husband leaked an unflattering piece of news about hers.
Andrew Arrowsmith was no longer the media’s sweetheart thanks to my husband.
Now they were both bad men who hated each other and stopped at nothing to destroy one another.
I wanted to give her the tools to be there for Tinder and Tree.
Especially now that I’d been with the family long enough to know Andrew’s presence in the boys’ life was almost nonexistent.
“You’re here,” Andrew’s steely voice rumbled, and we all looked up to the top of the stairways.
The timing of him being here made my heart leap. “Andrew.”
“How’re you doing, sweetheart? Is that savage husband of yours still giving you trouble?”
“Andrew!” Joelle yapped, blushing.
I raised my hand up.
“It’s okay.” I turned to smile at her husband. “Actually, I moved out.”
The words felt bitter on my tongue. What an incredibly traitorous thing to say. But I had to throw my plan into high gear. I didn’t know how much time I had with the family. How much time I had with Cillian. I was working against the clock.
“You did?” His eyebrows jumped to his hairline. “Why, if I may ask?”
I was still sitting on the floor, the twins in my arms.
“I’m not so sure it’s going to work out after all.”
“I see. How unfortunate.”
I smiled politely. “Well, I have a day full of activities with the kids. I better get started.”
He nodded distractedly. “Yes. Of course. I won’t keep you. I have some…some phone calls to make.”
To his lawyers, no doubt. He probably wondered if it was the right time to ask me to testify against my husband.
“Thank you for sharing this information, Persephone. It means a lot to us to have your trust. You’d tell us if Mr. Fitzpatrick mistreated you in any way, wouldn’t you?”
And there it was.
The bottom line.
The master plan we both had for my being here.
“Of course. You guys are like family to me.”
The Lannisters, but whatever.
Andrew turned around and made his way back to his office. I proceeded to hand Tree and Tinder their gifts, with Joelle standing next to us. I motioned for her to come join us. She did.
“Thank you, you shouldn’t have.” She crouched down. “I know you save every penny.”
“I love the boys.”
Tinder unwrapped his first gift. A chewing necklace. Shark-toothed shaped. He yelped in delight, thrusting it in his mother’s hand.
“Can y-you put it on m-me, Mommy?”
She stared at him for a moment, shocked. I had a feeling she didn’t have many moments like these with her children.
“I…of course. Turn around, sweetie.”
I watched them as Tree unwrapped his present—a bike helmet—blabbing happily about how he wanted a motorcycle when he grew up. Joelle’s hands shook as she wrapped the toddler necklace around her son’s neck. Tears pricked my eyes. Somewhere along the way, Joelle had forgotten how to mother. Or maybe she never got the chance to be one at all, always helping her husband chase his dreams.
Tinder twitched, curling and uncurling his fists, making animal noises, which he did often.
“I was raised by au pairs,” Joelle said grimly, her eyes still on the necklace she was putting on Tinder. “I thought that’s the way things were supposed to be. I never planned on having a son who is…”
“Special?” I finished for her softly. “It’s a blessing. It makes you grow. Find your strength. There’s a lot we can learn from children. Things we’d already forgotten but shouldn’t have.”
“Like what?”
“Like what’s important in life. Family. Friendship. The beauty of a lone cloud sailing across a perfectly blue sky. Kids have their priorities straight. It’s us adults who sometimes forget the meaning of life. Now come.” I stood, offering her my hand. I was forming an unlikely friendship with a woman who fantasized about destroying my husband no less than I wanted to topple hers. “Let’s make new memories with the boys. It’s not too late. It’s never too late.”
I led everyone to the two bikes I’d purchased earlier that week. I used my own paycheck, refraining from touching Kill’s allowance. The money continued piling up in my account, like a mountain of broken promises and cracked dreams.
We spent the rest of the afternoon in the backyard, teaching the boys how to ride a bike with no training wheels. Tree got the hang of it quickly while Tinder clung to me and made me promise not to let go of his bike the entire time. It took four hours and a hundred attempts before Tinder managed to ride a zigzagged line, but he did it, and my heart was ready to burst when I saw his face light up.
“I’m doing it! I’m riding!” He laughed. Tree followed behind on his bike, making racecar noises. Joelle and I looked at them, laughing.
“I never thought he’d learn.” She giggled. “Thank you so much.”
“I’m-I’m-I’m going to-to-to tell D-D-Daddy I can ride a bike. Maybe he’ll come downstairs and s-see us?” Tinder tugged at my blouse. I looked down and smiled, ignoring Joelle, next to me, whose smile turned into a grimace.
“That’s a great idea, Tin! I’m sure he’s going to be over the moon.”
Tinder padded back into the house through the glass door, making happy noises, his arms jerking about.