“We can talk now, yes,” I repeated, squaring back my shoulders. “I think we should do that.” I watched his head nod, feeling my skin clammy with trepidation. “It would be good to clear the air after … all that’s happened.”
“Yes, you are right,” he admitted. Bracing his arms on the desk, his hands grabbed on to the edge. “I came into work today with the intention to get you after the meeting. Suggest that we could have lunch together and talk.”
Lunch together.
“But we never do that.”
Aaron sighed very softly. “I know,” he said almost bitterly. “But I wanted to take you anyway.”
I stared at him, finding it hard to ignore the effect his words had on me.
“I don’t think I’ll be able to now. My whole day has been sidetracked by the news.”
That … that was just as shocking as him admitting to wanting to have lunch with me.
“You didn’t know Jeff would announce your promotion?”
“Not really. I didn’t think that was going to happen anytime soon. Especially not today,” he confessed, sending about a million questions rushing through my mind. “But that’s not important now. You want to talk about us, I assume. So, let’s do that.”
“But it is,” I countered, feeling outraged on his behalf and ignoring the way that us had made me feel. “I think Jeff ambushing you like that is important. I can’t imagine why he would do something like this. It’s just”—I lowered my voice, realizing it had somewhat risen—“unprofessional.”
The blue in Aaron’s eyes simmered, now looking surprised himself. “It is; you are right. And I’ll talk to him about how much, trust me.”
“Good. You should.”
Something softened in his face, and I averted my eyes, letting them rest somewhere above his shoulder. Not wanting him to know I cared as much as I did. Simply because I shouldn’t. We were still the same Lina and Aaron we had always been—certainly not friends—and about to be divided by a whole step in the hierarchy of the company.
Releasing one of my hands from the death grip I had on my planner, I scratched the side of my neck. My gaze still refused to shift to the left, where it’d probably connect with his. So, instead, it moved down, following the seam of the blue button-down that covered his wide shoulders while a thick silence wrapped around us.
“Listen, about our deal—” I started.
“On Saturday, I—” Aaron said at the same time.
Finally returning my eyes to his face, I found him gesturing for me to go ahead. I accepted the chance with a nod.
“I will say this, and I’ll be out of your hair, I promise.” I exhaled through my nose, not paying attention to Aaron’s frown. “Now that you will become head of our division—which, again, it’s really great, so congratulations.” I let a polite smile tug at the corners of my lips. “Things for … us will change.” I shifted on my feet, not happy with how that sounded. There was no us. Not after Saturday and not after this. “What I’m trying to say is something that you have probably figured out yourself, but I just want to clear the air between us.”
Aaron’s jaw clamped.
“Our deal is off. It was stupid, and now, it makes even less sense than it did. So, it’s not a big deal. I helped you out on Saturday, but you don’t owe me anything. Consider it payback for giving me a hand with the organization of Open Day, okay? We are even.”
I had expected to feel a big weight lift off my shoulders, but that was not what happened. Instead, it was as if my words had sunk me further down into the ground.
“We are even?” Aaron asked, his hands lifting from the oak surface and then falling right back again. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means that you don’t owe me,” I said with a shrug. Fully aware of the fact that I was repeating myself. “You can forget about all this nonsense.”
His eyes filled with a dangerous mix of confusion and frustration.
“I think I’m being pretty clear, Aaron. You don’t have to go through with your end of the deal. No flying to Spain, no wedding nonsense and pretending to be my boyfriend. No playing charades with me. That won’t be necessary.”
“Your boyfriend?” he asked very slowly.
Ah shit. I hadn’t used the word boyfriend the first time, had I?
“My date, whatever.”
“Have you found someone else? Is that what this is?”
I shot him a look. Was he for real right now? “No, that’s not it. Not at all.”
A muscle in his jaw jumped. “Then, I’ll come with you.”
Exhaling roughly, I fought to keep the irritation off my face. Why was he always so goddamn difficult? “You don’t have to anymore.”
“But I told you I would, Catalina. It doesn’t matter that you think that we are even or not.” His voice was so sure, the way he said it so confident that it was hard not to doubt my decision. “Saturday doesn’t change anything.”
“But it does,” I told him a little too briskly. Aaron opened his mouth, but I didn’t give him an in to talk. “And your promotion does too, Aaron. You will be my boss. My supervisor. Head of our division. We shouldn’t even be entertaining the idea of you coming to a wedding with me that takes place somewhere all the way across the ocean. The things people would say if they found out. I won’t allow myself to be questioned—” I stopped myself, realizing I had said too much. “It’s just too …”
Ridiculous? Reckless? All of the above?
I shook my head, feeling light-headed and depleted. “It’s just not necessary anymore.”
But of course, Aaron wouldn’t let anything go without a fight. “I understand you being wary now that the news is out.” He shook his head. “I didn’t think it would happen this fast. But there’s nothing I can do about that now. It doesn’t need to change anything where we are concerned.”
Aaron waited for me to speak, but instead of words rising to my lips, an avalanche of something different throttled down my throat.
Memories of a time when I had been stupid enough to get myself in a very similar position. One that hadn’t involved a made-up relationship, but one that had been real. So real that the hurt over how it had blown up in my face was something I wasn’t willing to ever relive or even get within shooting range of.
“That’s a risk I won’t take.” I heard my own voice, and I was aware that it had given away more than I would have liked. “You wouldn’t understand.”
“Then, help me out here,” he told me, something honest and open about his request. “Make me understand. Give me at least that.”
My throat worked as I thought of those words that had been on repeat on my mind. “No. That kind of treatment is one I reserve for friends.”
Something flashed across his face, and I expected him to snap back in the way he and I always did. But instead, he said, “Catalina.” And it sounded all wrong and far, far from snappy. “If I said that I didn’t mean what I said on Saturday, it wouldn’t change a single thing, so I won’t.”
“Good,” I said, my voice coming out all wrong too. Although in a different way. “Because it’s okay if you don’t want to be my friend. You don’t have to explain or retract that. I’ve lived with that knowledge for almost two years now, and I’m fine with it.” Aaron’s gaze sharpened, but I kept going, “We are not ten-year-olds, heading into the playground for recess. We don’t need to ask each other if we want to be friends. We don’t need to be. Especially not now that you will be my boss. We shouldn’t even be all that friendly. And that’s fine. That’s also why you’re off the hook where our deal is concerned. I’ll manage on my own.” As much as it was the last thing I wanted to do. But that was what single, lying maids of honor did—they attended weddings alone. “This is not you going back on your word, Aaron. It’s me releasing you from it.”
We watched each other for a long moment, my heart thumping against my chest while I told myself that what I was seeing in his eyes wasn’t regret. Him feeling anything like that did not make any sense. Unless he regretted getting himself tangled in this whole mess. Now, that would be something I could understand.
Before I could give that any more thought, the ringtone of his phone blared through the office.
Aaron didn’t take his eyes off me as he reached for it and answered, “Blackford.” A pause. We stared at each other, his profile notably hardening. “Yes, all right. I’ll have a look myself. Two minutes.”
I watched him place the phone back on the desk, and then he straightened to his full length.
He searched my face in a way that made my neck and ears flush. As if the skin of my cheeks, nose, and chin hid the answers he was looking for.
“There is something you are not telling me,” he finally said. And he wasn’t wrong. There was much I wasn’t telling him. And it’d stay that way. “But I’m patient.”
Something flopped against my rib cage. I didn’t understand what he meant or why my chest felt tight all of a sudden.
“It’s something important, and I need to go.” He stepped in my direction, both hands in his pockets and eyes still on me. “Get back to work, Catalina. We will continue our conversation.”
Not more than a heartbeat later, Aaron disappeared through the door. Leaving me in his office, staring into empty space. Thinking how well he had already fallen into his new role, doubting there was something we had to continue talking about, and finding it really hard to believe that he had anything to be patient for.
Basically because, where we were concerned, neither of us had anything to wait for.