The next section was filled with printouts from the Department of International Adoptions. Notes scrawled in Josh’s handwriting said Brazil just opened up. He broke down the process, timeline, and costs right down to travel expenses and court fees.
I flipped past a sleeve full of brochures to a page on getting licensed for foster care. He’d already gone through the background check, and he enclosed a form for me, along with a series of available dates for foster care orientation classes and in-home inspections.
Was this what he’d been doing? This must have taken him weeks.
My chin quivered.
Somehow, seeing it all down on paper, knowing we’d be in it together, it didn’t feel so hopeless. It felt like something that we could do. Something that might actually work.
Something possible.
The last page had an envelope taped to it. I pried it open with trembling hands, my throat getting tight.
I know what the journey will look like, Kristen. I’m ready to take this on. I love you and I can’t wait to tell you the best part…Just say okay.
I dropped the letter and put my face into my hands and sobbed like I’d never sobbed in my life.
He’d done all this for me. Josh looked infertility dead in the eye, and his choice was still me.
He never gave up.
All this time, no matter how hard I rejected him or how difficult I made it, he never walked away from me. He just changed strategies. And I knew if this one didn’t work he’d try another. And another. And another.
He’d never stop trying until I gave in.
And Sloan—she knew. She knew this was here, waiting for me. That’s why she’d made me leave. They’d conspired to do this.
In her grief, when she needed me the most, when she couldn’t even feed or wash herself, she was willing to give me up in the hopes of forcing my hand because she wanted this for me. She wanted me to be happy.
Because that’s how much she loves me. She loves me as much as Josh does.
They thought I was worth it.
I still didn’t believe it. I might never truly believe it.
But they did.
Something inside of me broke in that moment. I gave up. I no longer had the strength to stay away from him. I just couldn’t do it anymore—there wasn’t any reason to. His eyes were open.
Stuntman pressed against my side, looking up at me. I wiped my eyes with the top of my shirt. “I’m gonna bring your daddy home.”
His tongue stuck out of the front of his mouth, and he looked like he was smiling. I picked up my phone and sent Josh a text for the first time in weeks.
Kristen:Okay.
I waited, looking at my phone with my heart in my throat. The doorbell rang.
I laughed, leaping off the sofa, tears pouring down my cheeks. Of course he was waiting for me. That’s all Josh ever did.
He’d never have to do it again.
I threw open the door. He stood on the porch beaming with his dimples and his messy cowlick hair. I dove into his arms, and his cedar scent crashed into me, the familiar shape of his body wrapped around mine, instantly making me whole. He laughed with relief and lifted me off the ground, holding me so hard I couldn’t catch my breath. “Okay,” I whispered. “Okay.”
Josh is mine.
The happiness was almost too much. And then just as deeply, as it settled in that my struggle had all been in vain, I felt the loss of the last few months without him. The weeks we could have been taking care of each other, carrying one another through this tragedy. “Josh, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry for hurting you.” I clutched him, crying. “Thank you for never giving up.”
“Shhhhhhhh.” He squeezed me. “I would have fought for you for a lifetime. I’m just glad you didn’t make me wait that long.” He smiled with his forehead to mine, his eyes closed. “Are you ready for the best part?”
I sniffled. “Did you steal a baby?”
He laughed, running a knuckle down my cheek, his brown eyes creasing at the corners. “No. But it’s almost as good.” He held my gaze. “I already have a surrogate lined up.”
I jerked back. “No. Sloan is not in any place emotionally or mentally to do this. I don’t know if she’ll ever be in a place—”
“It’s not Sloan.” He gave me a smile. “It’s my sisters.”
I blinked. “What?”
He grinned at me. “I went home to have a family meeting. I met with all six of my sisters and their husbands. I told them I was head over heels in love with a very practical woman who wouldn’t have me unless I figured this out.”
A laughing sob choked from my lips, and I put a hand over my mouth.
“All six of them volunteered. They even argued about who gets to go first. It’s no fun unless they get to argue.”
I snorted, rivers spilling over my cheeks.
He pulled me in, thumbing tears off my face. “Kristen, I need you to know that if none of these options were available to us, I would still want you. I want you no matter what. I want you first before I want anything else.” His face was earnest and steady. “I have no chance of happiness if I can’t have you. None.”
I buried my face into his neck, and he held me to him.
“It’s hard for me, Josh. It’s hard to feel like I’m enough,” I whispered.
“Well, I’ll just have to spend the rest of our lives working on that, won’t I? Which brings me to the next thing. Look at me.”
He tipped up my chin. “I think we should get married.” His eyes moved back and forth between mine. “Today.”
Josh
We stood on her porch, and she looked up at me with those brown eyes. “You want to marry me now? Today?”
The tower was gone. The drawbridge, the piranhas, the machine guns—gone. She was happy and open wide and her love was in everything. It poured out of her. It was in the way she looked at me. The tone of her voice. It was in her hand on my chest and her kiss, the smile that reached her eyes and the set of her mouth.
All these weeks I’d planned and prayed for this outcome. I didn’t even know what I’d do if I failed. It was something I’d refused to let myself think about.
But I hadn’t failed.
And now, seeing her love me like this was a relief for my soul. I had all of her for the first time. She was mine. She was finally mine.
But it wasn’t time to celebrate yet.
I’d thought long and hard about this over the last few weeks. We still didn’t know if she had some underlying health issues, and I’d bet my life that if she did, she’d leave me again to spare me having to take care of her.