Brow furrowed, I glanced down at my wrist. “Yeah, when am I supposed to get these out again?”
“Mila.” His soft but no-nonsense tone drew my full attention. “Come.”
The single word slipped through my blood with a mixture of hot and cold water. As much as I was tempted to fall into Ronan’s bed just to forget everything for a little while, my heart couldn’t handle the act of saying goodbye with my body tonight and my mouth tomorrow.
I couldn’t say goodbye twice.
I shook my head.
His eyes hardened. “It wasn’t a request, kotyonok.”
Throat tight, I shook my head again, saying, “I can’t.”
Ronan took a step into the room, pulling a growl from Khaos’s throat. Ronan ignored him. “You’re coming, Mila, even if I have to carry you out.”
Feeling confident with the growling German shepherd beside me, I said, “No. I’m staying in my own room tonight.”
Of course, Ronan moved toward me, not stopping even when Khaos got to his feet on the bed and bared his teeth in a menacing growl.
“Ronan, stop.” My heart raced. “He’s going to bite you.”
“I’ll stop when you come with me.”
Unconcerned, he took another step, and when Khaos’s growl grew lethal, his hackles rising, I blurted, “Okay! Okay, I’ll come with you.”
Gah.The man was insufferable.
I slid off the bed and smoothed Khaos’s hackles down. “It’s okay, buddy. He isn’t going to hurt me.” At least, not physically. When the German shepherd settled a little, I turned to Ronan. “I’ll come if Khaos can sleep here tonight. He likes my bed.” I’d even set up a bowl of water and a plate of pumpkin pie I found in the kitchen.
Ronan wasn’t impressed. “Fine. But shut the door. My brother and his family are still here. And your dog is a nutcase.”
“You’re a nutcase.”
“You were the one involved in a porridge catfight downstairs.”
“She pulled my hair,” I explained simply and shut the door behind me.
His eyes darkened. “That won’t ever happen again. Nobody pulls your hair except me.”
Apparently, Ronan was just going to pretend tomorrow wasn’t happening. The lance of resentment burning through me only reaffirmed my decision to make a break for it and find a hiding place until morning. I couldn’t sleep with Ronan tonight. I couldn’t handle it emotionally, physically—any of the —allys.
He turned toward his room.
I sprinted down the hall in the opposite direction.
A rough exhale. A growled, “Mila.” And then the sound of his expensive boots on my trail. I flew down the stairs, frantically thinking of a good place to hide. In my haste, I barreled into the dining room and came to a full stop when I saw Gianna, Christian, and Kat enjoying a nice family meal.
I panted, chest heaving.
Gianna hid a laugh.
“Uh-oh,” Kat murmured. “Mila is in trouble.”
Ronan grabbed me by the waist and pulled me off my feet. “Make sure you try the vatrushka,” he said nonchalantly. “Polina makes the best.”
Christian gave his brother an indecipherable look before Ronan swung me into his arms and carried me up the stairs. I could fight him, but now his masculine scent surrounded me and confused my senses. His warmth soaked into my skin, forcing the resistance to melt within.
He dropped me on his bed and straddled my hips. “You shouldn’t have heard any of that.”
I knew he was speaking about what Nadia had told me.
I swallowed. “Because I’m too weak to handle it?”
He shackled my wrists above my head. “Because you’re so sweet you fucking glow.” His eyes darkened. “And I’ll kill anyone who tries to take that light from you.”
“Don’t kill Nadia.”
“That’s still open for debate, but right now . . .” His lips ran up my throat. “Ty mne nuzhna.” I need you.
The deep rasp brushed my skin, burned my heart, and made the decision for me. I arched my neck to allow him more access, giving him what he needed even knowing he would be the one to destroy me.
MILA
Rain dripped down the car window, blurring my view of remote Russia as Albert drove us to our destination. Snow capped the pine trees, outlined the horizon, and covered the ground.
The winter wonderland melted and turned to mud in front of my eyes.
My mind returned to an hour before, when Ronan slipped my arms into a mysterious yellow faux fur coat. I hadn’t said a word as he zipped it up before sliding my feet into a new pair of ankle boots. I hadn’t realized how dirty and worn my others were until then. He rose to his full height, pulled my hair out from beneath my coat, and said, “Poydem.” Let’s go.
Outside, I turned to give the house one last look and saw the menacing stone fortress in a different light. It was where Yulia’s eccentricity dwelled. Where Polina’s shouts and home-cooked meals could be found. Where rumpled black sheets lay undisturbed. Where doors, mirrors, and hearts were broken. And where sparks were made . . .
I turned to head to the car but stilled when Yulia appeared in the open doorway. We never acknowledged she’d taken care of me in the shower yesterday. The moment could have never happened, but I’d always remember it did.
Her permanent severe expression didn’t falter as she shut the door.
I continued my trek to the car, unable to glance at the kennel where I’d returned Khaos this morning, but I knew he was sitting outside watching me. I’d break down if I had to say goodbye to him. I wished I could take him with me, but I didn’t have a clue where I was even going, let alone if I’d be able to take care of him properly.
A single tear slipped down my cheek then and now, while I watched snow turn to mud through the car window. I wiped it away knowing if I let the tears fall, they’d never stop.
Ronan was unnaturally quiet, running a thumb across his bottom lip and watching the scenery pass by. I wondered if he cared he was devastating my life by murdering my father. My papa’s actions may be unconscionable—and unforgivable—but Ronan wasn’t his judge and jury. I wondered if Ronan cared at all that this would be the last time he’d ever see me. By his indifference, I couldn’t believe I was even in his thoughts.
Maybe I was just a fleeting amusement that had already passed. So many insecurities and fears wreaked havoc on my mind. Nothing made sense in this state—with my chest squeezed tight in terror of what would happen when this car came to a standstill.
To find some relief from my thoughts, I asked, “Is my papa still married?”
“Da.”
“What’s she like?”
“As far as I can remember, she’s agoraphobic and addicted to coke,” Ronan answered without looking at me.
Oh. She sounded nice. Though maybe she had some trauma from my papa’s lifestyle as well.
“How many siblings do I have?” I continued.
“Three brothers.”
“Will they be there today?”
“Adrian and Dimitri probably. Dima’s in prison.”
When I imagined having a family, it never occurred to me they’d be mobsters. I guessed I should have lowered my expectations when I thought of magical family Christmases. I’d jinxed myself.
Ronan traded Russian words with Albert. I only caught the smallest pieces of the conversation, but by their serious tones, it was clear they were discussing details of the trade. It should be fairly simple, I thought. Swap me for my papa. Though the more they spoke, as if they were preparing for the worst, the colder my blood grew.
We took a turn off the road and into an empty plot of land occupied by a couple of worn silos. Two black cars were parked on the far side of the area, their windshield wipers flicking back and forth. My heart ricocheted in my chest as mud sloshed beneath tires.
When we pulled to a stop, Ronan finally turned to me. He unzipped my coat and slipped a roll of cash into the inside pocket. Turning on my phone, he handed it to me. I watched him with a serene feeling as he zipped my coat back up like I was a child.