I glance down at the words.
Wait a second.
I flip to the first page and read the first paragraph, then flip back to the page I was just at. It’s the same. The same paragraph. I flip through some more pages, and lo and behold, it’s the same thing. Over and over again.
“Son of a bitch,” I mutter as I slam the Vermont book shut. And here I was, ready to educate myself on the country’s maple candy capital.
How dare she?
Why would she do that?
She knew I’d read it.
Or did she . . .
I pull out my phone and because I’m hooked up to the Wi-Fi on the plane, I can send text messages, so I go to the queens.
Levi:Red alert! A lot has happened in the last twenty-four hours, and I need my ladies.
I pop a few pretzels in my mouth and wait for a response while I sift through the book. At least she had the decency to change up the pictures, but . . . oh my God. I bring the book closer. One of the pictures has a watermark on it from Shutterstock. She didn’t even have the decency to pay for the freaking picture.
The audacity.
My phone buzzes with a text.
Winnie:The queens are here, or at least I am. What’s going on?
Levi:So many things. Let’s start with how she walked in on me last night while I was pleasuring myself.
Ollie:That’s hot.
Blakely:OMG, did she see your tattooed wiener?
Penny:Ew, did she see your O face?
Levi:For the record, I have a nice O face. I saw it in a mirror once and congratulated myself on a dignified and respectable way to experience an orgasm. Second, no, she did not see my wiener, everything was covered up. And third, it was really fucking hot and the minute she left I came on my stomach.
Penny:The coming on the stomach is not a detail we needed.
Ollie:I love it when Silas comes on his stomach, seeing it across his abs. Yes, chef’s kiss.
Blakely:*raises hand* I like it too.
Winnie:I shall not say if I like it or not since my man’s sister is in this text thread.
Penny:Thank you, Winnie. And yes, I like it as well, but I don’t want to picture Posey with cum on his stomach.
Levi:What is your problem with me? You have some sort of aversion to thinking of me in a sexual way. Is it the bologna?
Penny:Yes, and because you’re just . . . Posey.
Winnie:Perfect way to describe him.
Ollie:I second that.
Blakely:Third.
Levi:Not sure if I should be happy about that or not. But either way, back to the topic at hand. She walked in on me, then I got pissed, walked in on her, and then told her she’d crossed the line and left.
Ollie:Hold on, when you say walked in on her . . . what does that mean?
Winnie:Was about to ask the same thing.
Levi:She was getting off as well.
Winnie:Wow, what a night.
Blakely:Did you see anything?
Levi:She was covered by her bedding as well, but she did actually come while I was there.
Penny:Oh my God, she finished in front of you? I think I might like this girl.
Winnie:Bold choice.
Ollie:I’m getting horny.
Blakely:When are you not horny, Ollie?
Ollie:Never. I’m horny all the time.
Winnie:Same. I never knew sex until Pacey came along—sorry, Penny.
Penny:It’s fine. I’m just going to pretend you’re not with my brother and leave it at that. Congrats on the amazing sex.
Winnie:Thank you, he’s so good with his tongue.
Penny:I said congrats, I didn’t ask for details.
Ollie:Let’s talk more about tongues.
Levi:CAN WE FOCUS ON ME! I saw her come last night. I can’t get her moan out of my head.
Blakely:Right, we’re here to support bologna boy. What did you do after she came?
Levi:Laid down the hammer.
Ollie:The hammer being your penis?
Penny:Great question.
Levi:No, not my penis, a metaphorical hammer. Told her she crossed the line. And then this morning, she was a bit cold and standoffish. She actually looked upset, like she was going to cry. I was worried that I’d hurt her feelings, and I’ve been stewing about it all goddamn morning. Then I found something . . .
Penny:^^^ See that pause, ladies? He uses that for the drama.
Winnie:I was going to say, it’s quite dramatic. Just tell us, why did you have to use the ellipses?
Levi:It’s better that way.
Ollie:It’s more annoying. Just tell us what you found.
Levi:Well, I was eating my pretzels, about to read the book about Vermont that she typed up for me, when I noticed that what she’d typed was the same few paragraphs, over and over and over again.
Ollie:Wow, and here I thought he’d admit she stuffed one of her thongs in his backpack.
Winnie:Or maybe a picture of her, a nudey.
Blakely:Or even sprayed his clothes with her perfume.
Penny:Something other than a book about Vermont.
Blakely:You were right about the ups and downs of dealing with him. Never seen anything like it before.
Penny:Should have been there when he was trying to get you and Halsey together. Epic meltdowns. A total drama queen.
Ollie:Silas told me all about it. He was so irritated one night with the text messages that I had to pacify him with my boob in his mouth.
Winnie:I let Pacey motorboat me when he’s upset.
Penny:I massage Eli’s balls.
Levi:For the love of God, please, stay focused. This is important.
Penny:Right, the book. *rolls eyes* What’s so important about the book?
Levi:You don’t get it. I asked her to type this up.
Penny:And . . .
Blakely:Is that supposed to give us chills?
Levi:It was one of the tasks I gave her.
Ollie:Soo . . .
Levi:And she didn’t do it properly.
Blakely:The actual horror . . .
Winnie:Wait, ladies, I think he’s trying to say that she didn’t do the task properly, which means she didn’t take it seriously, which means . . . maybe she knows that he wasn’t taking his boss duties seriously.
Levi:Winnie, you’re my new favorite.
Ollie:Uh, that seems a little hasty, don’t you think?
Penny:Do you really want to be his favorite?
Ollie:Just nice to be considered.
Winnie:I accept Queen Bee Number One as my title. Thank you.
Blakely:Hold on, if she didn’t take it seriously because she thought that you didn’t take your boss duties seriously, do you think that’s why she double downed?
Levi:Wait, what do you mean?
Blakely:Hear me out. So you asked her to retype this book for God knows what reason and if she was acting as a real assistant who didn’t want to get fired, then she would have seriously typed up the whole thing. But given that she didn’t, that she just made the task look complete, do you think she knows something that you know?
Winnie:Gah! Do you think she knows that her dad’s behind this?
Blakely:That’s exactly what I’m thinking.