She stands up every time, though, and swings back even more determined. It’s one of her most admirable qualities. It’s like she can climb a mountain, then destroy it if she puts her mind to it.
I’m that mountain in her life right now. The one she’ll never be able to reach the top of. I won’t let her. I’ll keep her hanging on to me because I need the chaos she brings to the solid exterior. The way she digs her nails in and disrupts the boring cycle.
If I give in to her, if I allow her to have her way, everything will snap back to normal, and I don’t like normal.
“I brought snacks Helen and I made.” She carries the bags to the kitchen area.
“Are there any crisps?” Ronan helps her and she nods.
Xander follows, rubbing his hands. “I get half the crisps.”
“No!” Ronan brings out an imaginary sword. “Fight me for it, peasant.”
Xander brings out his own imaginary sword and they start jumping like monkeys around Silver.
“You mean, Mum made them and you just watched,” I say, feigning to read from my book. I can’t concentrate on words when she’s around. I always have this overflow of energy that starts in my chest and ends in my dick.
“Funny because you weren’t there,” she shoots back.
“I don’t have to be there to know you suck at cooking, Silver.” I don’t use her nickname when anyone else is around. If I do, they’ll pick up on my abnormal attachment to her.
That means weakness.
And I already made a promise to myself that there would never be another moment where I’m weak.
I did it once. Never again.
I don’t lift my head, but I feel her glaring at me from across the room. I like to think her hatred is black hands, and they’re punching me metaphorically when she’s not within physical reach.
She still hits me whenever possible. Sometimes, it’s stomping on my foot or elbowing me in the side when no one is looking. Other times, it’s a straight out punch to the chest, but that’s only when we’re alone. She thinks they hurt, but they’re like a toddler’s caress.
Silver has an outside image and an inside one. They never overlap and she’s becoming an expert at juggling her two lives. One is Daddy’s little girl, her mother’s perfect daughter, and the top student, piano player, and classical music lover. The other is everything else. Like listening to rock music and eating Snickers bars in secret. The punches, too. That’s why I did everything to bring them out.
I’m the only one who brings them out.
“You’ve been on the same page for ten minutes,” Aiden says from beside me, his voice low enough so that only I can hear him.
Silver is trying to pacify Ronan and Xander’s fake fight. A pacifier — that’s what she is deep down. However, she’s been slowly but surely trying to get rid of that part.
I flip the page. “I’m engraving the words to memory.”
“Lie. You have a photographic memory, so you engrave pages after a minute, or is it seconds?” He pauses. “Maybe you’re distracted.”
I lift my head from the book. Aiden is watching me with a sadistic smirk on his lips. Was I not careful enough? Did I somehow raise his suspicions?
“What are you talking about?” I play the nonchalance card I’m so good at.
“Silver Queens, huh? I should’ve seen it coming with the amount of time she spends with Helen.”
“She only comes over for Mum.”
“Sure, did I say anything?” He pretends to push his black hair from his forehead. “In that case, is it okay if I fuck her?”
My hold tightens around the book, but I try to keep my expression the same. It’s a tool I’ve found works in most situations. If you stay calm, it’ll eventually go away.
If I tell Aiden no, he’ll figure out my fixation and use it against me every chance he gets.
But I know something… Silver can’t stand Aiden. She thinks we’re both wankers and doesn’t miss a single chance to tell us that. She wouldn’t touch him with a stick.
Besides, I have a way to make her hate him even more.
“Sure, if you’re into bimbos.” I smile.
“You and I both know she’s a not a bimbo.”
“Uh-huh.”
“You think I won’t be able to do it.” His smirk widens. “I love it when you underestimate me, Nash. I really, really do.”
“Be my guest.” I focus on the other two. “Hey, Ronan. Why don’t you tell Silver what we’re celebrating?”
“Oh, right.” Ronan pauses his fight with Xander and clears his throat. “Aiden lost his virginity to his father’s secretary yesterday. He’s finally a man.”
“I didn’t need to know that.” She makes a disgusted face as she opens the container on the counter.
Bingo. I just made Aiden lose before he started to play. That’s how it’s done.
“You fucked up, Nash,” Aiden murmurs to me. “Now, I’m taking this to the next level.”
I can’t resist the smug look that pulls at my lips. “Best of luck.”
“Hey, Ronan,” Aiden speaks in a neutral tone. “Why don’t you tell her the order of how we all lost our virginities?”
“Mais bien sûr.” Ronan points at himself. “I’m number one, of course — no need for applause — then Xan, and then Cole with the bombshell Miss Goldman, and the loser Aiden is last.”
Silver pauses opening a container, her fingers freezing on the handle.
Fuck.
The change in her demeanour is short, but it’s there. Her eyes are cast downwards, so I can’t see the look in them. However, she purses her lips for the briefest second before she goes back to normal, and by normal, I mean the mask she wears every time she gets up in the morning.
Silver Queens is the most popular girl at school.
A piano prodigy.
The school’s queen B.
And fake.
She’s so fake, I can taste the bitterness of it on my tongue.
“You guys are pigs,” she says with her haughty attitude, but there’s a slight tremble in her voice at the end.
“You insult me.” Ronan grabs her by the shoulder, speaking in a dramatic voice. “Pigs don’t have my package, love.”
“Thank God for that.” She slips from underneath his hold. “I’m going home. Papa’s waiting.”
“And we can have all the crisps?” Xander asks.