The instructions say I have to wait for five minutes. It’s been ten seconds and I’m already freaking out.
It took me some time to buy this test. As in, more than a couple of weeks. I kept thinking that if I didn’t know for sure, then nothing would happen. In a typical running from responsibility kind of way. Every day my period doesn’t show up, I freak out more.
During all this time, I’ve been letting Cole fuck me slow and deep until I think I’m going to faint from the amount of softness he actually possesses.
Other than that, weird stuff has been going on all around us.
Like when Uncle Jonathan took me to the Meet Up so he could announce to Elsa that I’m engaged to Aiden. There was a whole shitshow that involved her father and a lot of other things.
I wanted to run from there, and I did as soon as I could. Aiden is still after my head because I didn’t warn him about his father’s surprise visit, but fuck him. He made me believe Cole fucked Johansson when he never had sex with anyone else but me.
A small smile tugs on my lips at that thought and I gently bite my lower lip.
Cole was a virgin until me. It’s hard to believe that he never had sex until our parents’ wedding day.
I’m Cole’s first and last.
I frown at that. Last?
That can’t be possible. Not with the situation we’re in. That’s why I got the test. I need to figure out what to do about what’s growing inside me.
I glimpse at the timer, then at the test. Three minutes to go.
Letting my head fall into my hands, I pretend to play “Moonlight Sonata” in my brain.
I’m not here. I’m in another universe where I get to be with who I want without any restrictions.
Then I can even have this baby. I can be a mother and promise not to throw my emotional baggage on to him.
God. I sound like a bitch about my parents in my head.
The timer goes off and I release a breath as I peek from between my fingers.
Two lines.
Pregnant.
I’m pregnant with Cole’s child.
Holy. Shit.
* * *
I apologise to Helen,pretending I have a meeting with Summer and Veronica so I can’t have breakfast at home.
If I sit at the same table as Cole or Papa, I’ll eventually crumble, and I can’t do that.
My head is in complete chaos during the entire day. I can’t focus. I can’t play the piano. I can’t even take two steps without being in a daze.
It’s like I’ve been pushed out of my own skin.
I know I’ll eventually have to make decisions. I have to go to the doctor and either ask him about the baby’s health or tell him to kill him.
Tears prickle into my eyes at that second option.
I don’t want to kill my own child. I don’t care that I’m eighteen and that the father is my step-freaking-brother. Why does an innocent soul have to pay for that?
Every time Cole is in sight, I act cool, then run away.
He’ll know I’m avoiding him. He always does, the wanker.
Besides, I can’t possibly fall asleep without him reading me one of his boring books now. He’s so snobbish about paperbacks, I gave up trying to make him read to me from my Kindle.
The thought that I’ll lose all of that once the truth of what I’m carrying comes to light makes me sick to my stomach.
Maybe I can crash at Mum’s for a few days until I figure out what the hell I’m going to do.
Unless she finds out and kind of kills me.
And Papa.
He’s so old-fashioned and conservative. He’ll be so disappointed in me if he finds out I haven’t only been fucking my stepbrother under his roof, but I also fell pregnant.
I call it a day as soon as the last class ends. Usually, I’ll linger around the football team’s practice and pretend they bore me out of my mind while I secretly ogle Cole.
What? He looks hot as hell in his football jersey and with that captain band around his thick bicep.
All the girls are head over heels for Aiden and Xander because they’re the strikers who scores the goals. Or Ronan, because he makes a show out of everything he does. But Cole is the secret weapon.
I think only the coach and the players themselves understand how important his position on the team is. Ninety per cent of the assists that lead to goals are made by him. All the possessiveness of the ball in the midfield is also ensured by him. Most of the attacks are orchestrated by him. The defence is literally his bitch.
He’s the only one who gives one hundred per cent in both defence and attack. Ronan might be midfield too, but he goes forwards more. Cole goes forwards and back.
Cole is the strongest player on that team and people are idiots for idolising the other three.
Just because he’s silent and doesn’t brag, doesn’t mean he doesn’t work hard.
But then again, it’s not like I want everyone to idolise him.
I’ll crush every last one of them.
And yes, I learnt all that football rubbish since Cole started to have an interest in the game. I’ve always pretended I didn’t care about it, and I don’t, not really, but I care about how he plays.
How he owns the field and everyone in it without them noticing. He’s the master behind the game because he plots everything to a T.
Today, though, I won’t stay and watch. I need to gather a few things from home and flee to Mum’s before he returns.
I’m about to get into my car when a shadow creeps up behind me. I startle, turning around.
“Hey, Silver.” Adam smiles at me. His eyes are bloodshot and his shoulders seem tense underneath the uniform. A waft of alcohol comes from him.
The hell is he doing here?
I haven’t received a text from him in more than a week, and he’s been keeping his distance at school, so I thought he finally got himself together.
I don’t like the look on his face. Not one bit.