It’s as if I’ve been lost and now I’ve found refuge. Every time I’ve seen him with a girl, I’ve wondered if he was kissing her the same way he used to kiss me. I’ve wondered if he was erasing me with the others. And all I wanted to do was punch them so they’d never get in his vicinity again.
“Do you let Aiden kiss you?” he speaks low, almost threateningly.
I’m too stunned by the force of his touch to answer. His hand moves to my arse cheek and he pinches the flesh.
My eyes widen as my legs shake with a foreign sensation.
“Do you?” he repeats.
If I tell him no, he’ll know it’s just a game, and I can’t do that. Aiden is my only effective weapon against Cole. I can’t lose him.
“So that means he does.” The deceptive calm in his voice makes my spine turn rigid. He doesn’t like it. At all.
“And you let him.” He releases my arse, reaches under my skirt, then cups me through my underwear.
I try to clench my thighs, but I can’t. I don’t want to. If anything, they fall open slightly, giving him more access.
A violent shudder tingles at the bottom of my spine and ends in my core as he runs his fingertip up and down my folds. He pushes the cloth aside and thrusts a finger inside me.
I nearly topple over at the intrusion. Holy hell.
This isn’t the first time there’s been a finger inside me. I do it myself some nights, but it’s never felt this overwhelming.
What is this feeling of utter abandon?
“Do you get this wet for him, too?” he whispers the dark words against my lips. “Do you soak his hand like you soak mine?”
He adds a second finger, eliciting another deep moan from me. My heart nearly falls to the ground as his rhythm takes complete control of my being.
I know it’s wrong. I know I shouldn’t let him touch and unravel me this way.
But I can’t stop it either.
It’s like I’ve waited for this, and I’ll be damned to put a halt to it now that it’s here.
A sudden rush of adrenaline zips through me, and I grip Cole’s shoulder as he thrusts into me harder and faster.
My moans rise in volume, mixing with the sound of his, in and out, and permeating the air.
“Answer me,” he speaks slowly, his voice hoarse with arousal.
I shake my head violently.
“Fucking answer me, Silver.”
“No…I-I won’t…answer…ohhh…” My words end on a needy whimper as I fall apart around his fingers.
He grunts as his lips claim mine in a long, devouring kiss filled with bites and harsh licks. It’s like he’s eating me alive and saving the remains for later.
“Cole, are you there, darling?” Helen’s voice comes through the door. “We need to go.”
I pull away from him with a start, but I can’t get far since his digits are still inside me.
The realisation of what I’ve done smashes straight into my face.
Oh, no.
No, no, no.
“Let me go,” I hiss, shoving at his chest.
“Why?” He smirks, wrapping an arm around my waist. “Afraid Mum will come and see my fingers deep inside your soaked cunt?”
“C-Cole!” My cheeks heat as I stare between him and the door. I didn’t lock it, and I doubt Cole did. If she comes in, that’s exactly what she’ll see.
“Afraid to lose the good girl award, Butterfly?”
“Cole, let me go this second or I swear…”
“Or what? Go on. Although, a word of advice, it’s not wise to threaten me when I have my fingers inside you.”
He scissors them and I nearly fall onto his shoulder, the wave from earlier restarting as if it never ended.
“Silver?” Helen calls.
“Cole!” I whisper-yell.
“I’ll let you go on one condition.”
“Fine, just let me go.” I’d do anything so he’d get away from me right now.
He slips from me. A mixed sense of relief and emptiness hits me at the same time.
What the hell?
As soon as I release a breath, Cole lifts the two fingers that were inside me to his lips and sucks them into his mouth in one go, not breaking eye contact with me.
I couldn’t look away even if I wanted to. My pussy clenches at the image. My lips part.
Shit.
He then places them in front of my mouth.
“Are you insane?” I speak low. “No.”
“Remember. You said anything, Butterfly.”
“Anything but this.”
“You should’ve specified it then. You made a mistake and now I want you to suck yourself off my fingers.”
“Cole…” I clench my thighs at the image.
“Do it before Mum comes in.”
Damn him.
With one last glance at the door, I take his digits into my mouth. He watches me with a rare gleam in his eyes. It’s like the sun is shining on the green in them.
For a second, I’m too lost in his eyes, in the feel of his fingers as he glides them against my tongue, making me taste the remnants of me and lime from when he put them in his mouth.
Now I want to keep tasting lime until I can’t.
Until lime becomes the most forbidden taste on earth.
It’s wrong, isn’t it?
Absolutely wrong.
I slide my mouth away with a pop and his brows scrunch.
“Helen is waiting for you,” I murmur.
“This is the last time I’ll have to leave after dinner, Butterfly.” He leans in and brushes his lips against my nose.
“I hate you.”
Cole pulls on my hair, hard, then turns around and leaves.
My legs fail to carry me anymore and I fall on the bed with tears glistening in my eyes.
You can’t do things a little too early or a little too late.
Timing is important.
And I just messed it all up.
Silver
Papa and Helen get married on my eighteenth birthday as they planned.
Happy birthday to me.
I did everything I could in the background. I tried to secretly tell Helen that Papa is very busy and never actually puts time aside for home and that’s why Mum divorced him.
I told Papa that Helen’s career is at its top level and she’ll continue writing her bestsellers instead of being a housewife.
I even stooped so low that I got Mum involved. She came over to tell Papa that he’s disgusting for bringing another person to his daughter’s life when the elections are so close.
He brushed her off.
I hated myself for being the type of bitch who’s out to sabotage her father’s marriage. That’s not me.
There’s nothing I want more than to see Papa and Helen happy.
If only she didn’t have a son. Or had a different son.
After I realised there was nothing I could or should do to stop the wedding, I helped Helen with the preparations, and a minute ago, I watched them seal it.
Yesterday, I cried in the park.
Last night, I cried in the pillow.
Today, I cried when they were pronounced husband and wife. However, cried is an exaggeration — it was a couple of tears and I quickly wiped them away, pretending they were happy tears.
More like mourning tears.
The moment I stood there witnessing the union of Papa and Helen, something inside me died and I knew I’d never be able to get it back.
I missed the timing and now I’m paying the price. I shouldn’t care, but it’s the only thing I keep thinking about: missed timing.
There’s no time machine to take me back to last month or to last year or to that damn night I set Papa and Helen up together while Cole kissed me upstairs.
We have a small reception in our house only for friends and family, and by that, I mean Papa’s party members. They fill the garden and chat amongst themselves about the elections.
It’s a rare sunny afternoon and it gives the gathering a glowing aura. Papa looks dashing in his black tuxedo and the bowtie I personally put on him. Helen wears a simple beige dress that complements her skin tone. Her hair is pulled up in an elegant way and she appears so happy as she puts her hand in Papa’s arm.
He, too, has been caressing her hand every chance he gets. I’ve never seen Papa smile this much for no official necessity. It’s almost as if it’s permanent.