“I have?” She touches her chestnut hair that she’s started to let loose. Her eyes sparkle, and it’s the most beautiful view. She has lived as a shell of herself for years. Even after William’s death. Once, I heard her tell Ronan’s mother that, sometimes, she thinks maybe William will come back.
That’s when her mental health takes a sharp dive and she doesn’t get out of bed for days. She doesn’t write or take jogs, she just hides in her room.
Lately, it’s as if life has been blown into her, and I know why. She’s been going out a lot lately for tea with Ronan’s mother or for dinners with the company people — people because Mum doesn’t like anything about William’s business. She’s only keeping the fort until I’m of age to take over.
However, Mum hasn’t really been going for tea or to those dinners. For one, Ronan’s mother is often out of the country with her husband. For two, Mum has been dressing more elegantly than usual.
I figure it’s a man, but I want to hear it from her. If he’s making my mum happy, I’ll give him a chance. But if he as much as gives off any ‘William Syndrome’ signs of violence, he’ll end up in that blood pool.
“Listen, honey.” She stands across from me. “Ever since your father’s death, you’ve been my world and the reason I’ve held on to life. You’re everything to me, Cole. I need you to know that.”
“I do.” She’s tried. In her own way. But Mum and I are already broken beyond repair.
Or I am, anyway.
No breakfast she prepares can fix the close relationship we could’ve had.
William took that with him.
Seems as though Mum has found the glue that’s put her back together.
“I’m happy, you know that?” She touches her hair again. “I met someone and we’ve been going out for nearly a year now. I didn’t want to tell you about him until I made sure we were serious. We are, darling. He makes me feel like I deserve a second chance and it’d mean so much to me if you accept him.”
“As long as he’s not my age,” I joke.
“No, of course not.” She smiles awkwardly. “But he’s someone you know.”
“Someone I know?”
She swallows. “Sebastian.”
I nearly drop the unfinished slice of cake to the plate. Not much surprises me, but this definitely does. “Sebastian Queens?”
She nods.
“Silver’s father?” I know I’m starting to sound redundant and like a fucking idiot, but it’s like my brain is unable to process the information.
“I know you two don’t get along so much, but Seb and I are hoping you’ll be closer with time.”
Seb. She’s calling him Seb. They’re already close.
And now I’m getting unwelcome images about Silver’s dad and my mum.
“Honey?” Mum’s face contorts. She keeps touching her hair and her apron and her hand, which means she’s getting out of sorts.
The idea that I won’t accept Sebastian is throwing her in an endless loop. If I tell her no, she’ll choose me — I have no doubt about that — but she’ll relapse back to acute depression. She’ll need her meds again. She won’t put on makeup or let her hair loose. She’ll stop singing and jogging and getting out of bed.
I’ll never hurt my mother that way.
When I was six and William threw a pan at me, she hugged me and took the entire hit on her back. Then he kicked her in the ribs for getting in his way. She had those bruises for weeks. She cried in the shower every night.
But she still protected me every time William came after me, taking all the beatings on my behalf.
She still loved me, even when she was at her lowest.
“I’d love to meet Sebastian as your prospect other half, Mum.”
Her features light up. “R-really?”
“Really.” I stand, round the counter, and engulf her in a hug. “I’m happy for you.”
“Oh, darling.” She cries into my neck. “You don’t know how much this means to me.”
I pat her back. “And you don’t know how much this means to me.”
Silver hates me, but soon enough, she’ll be forced into having every dinner with me.
And she’ll pay.
I might not like Silver Queens, but I’ve always considered her something sacred.
And mine.
She ruined that.
She ruined everything.
Silver
The following day, I don’t go to school.
As soon as Derek stops in front of Mum’s building, I rush out, my heartbeat nearly eradicating me altogether.
Mum lives down the centre of London, where it’s noisy and the traffic is suffocating. It’s her way to stay amongst people — even if they’re the most annoying type.
The concierge, an old man with a beard, greets me and I gulp so I can speak over the tightness in my throat. “I-is Mum upstairs? Did you check on her?”
“Mrs. Davis asked us not to disturb her.”
My knees weaken. I nearly fall right there and then.
No.
No, Mum. You promised.
He’s saying something else, but I don’t listen to him over the buzz in my ears. It’s like I’m pushed a few years back. It’s the same scene, the same foreboding, and the same deadly fear.
It’s all there.
I hit the lift’s button, but it doesn’t come down.
I storm towards the stairs and take two at a time. My knees still shake, but I manage to go all the way to the tenth storey. I’m panting, my uniform’s shirt sticks to my skin, but that’s the least of my worries.
The moment I’m in front of Mum’s flat, I just stand there. My limbs freeze and it’s like someone has cast a spell on me. I can’t move.
Oh, God.
Maybe I should’ve told Papa before he went out to work this morning. Maybe I should’ve had Derek come up with me.
I don’t want to go in there alone.
I…I’m scared.
My heart thrums loud in my chest and a shiver shoots up my spine, engulfing me whole.
Go, Silver.
You have to go.
My fingers are stiff and cold as I hit the password to her flat. The sound of the lock clicking open echoes in the silence of the hall like doom. I flinch, even when I try to keep my composure.
My hand strangles the strap of my bag as I tiptoe inside.
The first thing I see is black.
It’s so dark, I can’t make out my own hands.
Then the smell of something rotten follows. Something like meat and alcohol.
A sob tears from my throat as I run inside. “Mum! Mum!”
I trip over a table and my foot stings. I throw my bag down and continue hobbling towards her bedroom. I’ve learnt the way by heart and can reach it even in the dark.
My fingers tremble, hovering over the light switch. What if I find her on the ground like the other time? What if I’m too late? What if —
I hit the button and freeze in place.
Mum sits in front of her console, her blonde hair falling on either side of her face and stopping a little under her neck, dishevelled and all over the place.
Her cobalt blue eyes are bloodshot and lost in the mirror. Streaks of mascara mark her cheeks, and she holds a red lipstick in her hand that matches the colour on her lips.
Her other hand clutches a half-full glass of red wine. Her satin nightgown is creased and the robe is tied wrong around her waist, but it doesn’t hide her model body or her exotic beauty that everyone in the media talks about.
The model politician. Beauty can be smart.
That’s Mum in their eyes. A successful, beautiful woman who can debate in the parliament for days. But they don’t see the woman I see. They don’t witness her like this, lost somewhere no one can find her.
“Mum…” I approach her slowly, a tear sliding down my cheek.
Her head turns in my direction like a robot. For seconds, she stares at me as if I’m a stranger, as if she’s seeing me for the first time in her life. Then slowly, too slowly, her lips pull up in a warm smile.
“Babydoll, what are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be at school?”
“You haven’t answered my calls since last night.” My voice breaks at the end as I wrap my arms around her neck in a tight embrace. “Why didn’t you answer?”
“My battery died. I forgot to charge it.” She pats my back.
“I was so worried, Mum.” I sniffle into her neck, stopping myself from telling her I didn’t sleep a wink last night. If I hadn’t known Papa had an important meeting this morning, I would’ve made him drive me to her in the middle of the night.
“I’m okay.” She pulls away from me and scowls. “Why are you crying, Silver? Ladies don’t cry in front of other people.”
“Mum…let me tell Papa so he can help you —”