But she powers toward her Jeep, which is parked on the side of a building at the left of the parking lot. I run after her, forgetting Will and his friends.
“Stop!” I take her arms and pull her to a halt next to the passenger side of her car. “What do you want me to say, huh? That I fucked up? I know I did. I’m sorry.”
I’m sick of her defiance and how she won’t give me an inch. Just say you miss me.
I take her face in my hands. “Look at me.”
But she pushes my hands down. “I hate you. Let me go.”
“Why?” I lash out. “So you can go back to that party? Back to your prom date? You gonna fuck him, too?”
“Maybe!” she yells. “Maybe I’ll sink as low as you, and we’ll have something more in common. Maybe I won’t hate you so much.”
I bare my teeth, staring at her. “You don’t hate me. You love me, and I love you.”
She slaps me so hard my head whips to the side and the burn spreads across my skin. “Don’t say that,” she growls low. “I want Masen. He doesn’t love me. He’s just good to me.” Her tone taunts, turning breathy and sultry. “Really good.”
I don’t miss her meaning. I was a fuck and nothing more. She liked me when I was just that. When I wasn’t Misha.
“Yeah?” I turn my eyes back on her, playing along. “Is that what you want?” I come in, grabbing the backs of her thighs and lifting her up. “Your dirty little secret who will fuck you in the back of a truck, hiding you so your stuck-up, shallow friends don’t know how good I give it to you?”
Her breathing hitches, and she only hesitates a moment before her hands come up and grip my shoulders. I dive down, kissing her neck and reveling when she bends it back, opening for me.
But then I see something out of the corner of my eye and look up, realizing the guys are still here.
Michael and Kai are in the front seat of an SUV, Michael leaning far forward from the driver’s side to watch out of Kai’s window, while Will is paused at his open back door, looking amused.
“Seriously?” I snap.
Michael and Kai quickly turn away, and Will clears his throat.
“Alright, we’re out.” He climbs into the car. “Stay out of trouble, and wrap it up. Hell hath no fury like Grandpa Grayson dealing with a teen pregnancy.”
Ryen’s nails dig into my skin, and I close my eyes, coming up and slamming my mouth down on hers as I hear the SUV speed away.
I kiss her lips, inhaling her and getting so fucking lost in my need for her. Her tongue brushes mine, and her teeth bite and nibble me, driving me so insane I can’t think.
“Ryen,” I gasp, pressing my cock into her as I squeeze her ass too hard. I need to be closer.
“We shouldn’t do this,” she pants as I pull down her shirt and touch her everywhere not covered by her bikini top.
“Don’t act like you’re going to tell me no.” I pull open the passenger side door. “I know you like this side of me.”
She looks around, probably nervous we’ll be seen, but the parking lot is dead. I pull my shirt over my head, dropping it on the ground next to hers and start unbuttoning her shorts, going in for another kiss to quiet any protest she might dream up.
Her shorts fall to the ground, and she whimpers in my mouth.
“Get on my lap,” I tell her, taking the seat and pulling her in.
She climbs on, and I shut the door, leaving our clothes outside. She reaches behind her and pulls the strings of her bikini, the whole top falling away, and I grab it and toss it before doing the same to her bottoms, pulling the strings that secure it at the sides.
“Oh, Jesus,” I groan, kissing her again as I take her ass in one hand and dive between her legs with the other. She’s so smooth and wet.
She reaches between us and unfastens my belt, and I do the best I can, getting my jeans down and my cock free while trying not to break the kiss.
“Give it to me,” she moans. “I want it.”
“I know.”
Pulling out a condom from my jeans, I rip it open and roll it on, holding my cock steady as I pull her up. I slip it down her length and position myself under her. She groans, already rolling her hips in sexy little movements.
Finding her hot entrance, I thrust my hips up and put the tip in, and she does the rest. Lowering herself, she spreads her legs as far as the seat will allow, and I pull her into me, burying myself deep.
“Hell yes,” I breathe out.
Her hips roll shallow and fast, in little figure-eight movements, and she stays close, her tits rubbing against my chest. I can taste her mouth, even though our lips aren’t touching.
“Say my name,” I whisper. “Who’s fucking you right now?”
She keeps stride, her beautiful ass swaying in and out and the car filling with wet heat. “I’m fucking you,” she corrects. “And I really don’t care whose dick it is.”
“That’s bullshit.”
“It could be anyone in this Jeep,” she says, biting my bottom lip. “Maybe someone from that party even. If you hadn’t shown up, I would’ve still been riding someone’s cock tonight.”
I dig my fingers into her ass. “Were you going to be bad?”
She mewls, nodding.
“Show me how bad, baby.” I bring one hand up, palming her breast. “How were you going to screw some stranger later?”
She picks up the pace, leaning back, so I can get a good view of her gorgeous body working me. Her tits sway with the motion, and I close my eyes, letting my head fall back as I rub her clit with my thumb.
“You would’ve made him come good,” I tease. “Sweet little pussy like this.”
Her moans get higher and faster, and I open my eyes, seeing her watching me. But then she suddenly comes in close again, wrapping her arms around my neck, and covering my mouth with hers, kissing me deep and hard as she rides us both home.
I come, wrapped in her arms, legs, and mouth, and feeling her sweaty and smooth skin stuck to mine. She cries out, her pussy tightening hard around me as she comes and thrusts her hips, taking me in again and again until she’s spent.
I hold her as we both come down, the heat nearly unbearable. I have no idea how long before she’ll let me touch her again, so I’m going to enjoy this.
She can be a nightmare, but this still feels better than any dream.
Her breathing calms, but she stays buried in my neck, sounding as if she’s asleep.
“I wish we would’ve met in grade school,” I say quietly, smiling to myself. “We would’ve played well together. On the playground, I mean.”
She pulls her head up, and there’s pain in her eyes.
I cup her face in my hands. “I know you,” I tell her. “I know you now. You wouldn’t have wanted this from anyone else. Because before me, you had sex once. Two years ago.”
Her eyebrows pinch together, and I can see tears glistening. Yeah, I remember the letter, babe. You were a mess, feeling ashamed and hurt, and I wanted to kill the guy.
“Everyone told you to do it, and you did,” I whisper. “He never spoke to you again, and that’s why you waited for me.”
“I wasn’t waiting for you.”
“You waited for it to feel right,” I bite back, not taking any more of her shit. “I was jealous when you confided in me about your first time. That was when I realized I was possessive of you.” I stare straight into her eyes, never sure about anything this much. “I want everything about you, Ryen, and I know you want me.”
Her body shakes a little, and I lean in, kissing her on the cheek. “But I love the way you lie.”
RYEN
The next day, he’s not in our first class.
I know where he lives, and it brings me back to when I first noticed he’d stopped writing all those months ago. I can check on him if I’m really worried. He knows where to find me if he wants to see me.
But wait… I’m the one who doesn’t want to see him. I told him to go, so what if he did?
I know he never intended for things to get so out of hand, and I believe he’s sorry, but I can’t wrap my head around it. Pretending you’re someone else is bad enough. Lurking right under my nose with me none the wiser is awful.
But sleeping with me? How could he do it? Was he Masen or Misha in that truck at the drive-in? Was he really ever planning on telling me?
I shouldn’t have relented last night. The emotions were high, I missed him, and when he took me in his arms, I just wanted to stop fighting for five minutes. I wanted to feel good with him again and forget.
But now, the light of day is so bright I want to crawl back under the covers. Everyone heard him scold me at the party last night. Acting like I’m his property.
They may not know what’s happened between us, but they know something happened to make him that angry with me. And they know I’ve been lying about it.
I force down the lump in my throat and walk up to my cubby in the locker room, next to Lyla and Katelyn as they dress for P.E.
“Hey,” I say, trying to force a chipper tone.
But Lyla doesn’t respond. Instead she lifts her nose, sniffing the air and complaining to Katelyn next to her. “God, did the janitors clean last night? I smell skank everywhere.”
Katelyn laughs, and I tense.
“Can you believe that bitch didn’t even bother to show up to practice again this morning?” Katelyn tells her, loud enough for me to hear. “Doesn’t matter, I guess. Her fat ass was getting too heavy to catch.”
Liquid heat races through my veins, and I hear my pulse in my ears. I turn to them as they get dressed. “You wanna say something, say it to my face.”
But they both ignore me as if I haven’t said anything.
“So did J.D. book a limo?” Katelyn asks Lyla.
“Oh, yeah. One big enough for all of us,” she replies, and they both slam their locker doors, walking past me and down the aisle. “This night is going to be epic. Especially without Ryen there to stink up the car.”
Their delighted laughter grates on my ears and tears spring to my eyes, but I slam my locker closed, refusing to give in.
All through P.E. I stay away from them, slowly feeling their bubble getting bigger and pressing me further away. They’re them, and I’m me. Over here, separated, alone, and excluded. I’m outside the bubble.
Again.
How did I get here? What do I do?
After class, I shower and dress quickly, heading to my locker before lunch when I really just want to leave.
It’s easier, isn’t it? Rather than facing people I don’t like and being where I no longer feel I belong?
I’ve been here before. The uncertainty, the self-hate, the powerlessness…it’s all so familiar. But the last time, I took those feelings and turned them outward, making others feel what I felt. What I didn’t see is that those feelings came from people doing the same thing to me. I feel and fear exactly what they want me to feel and fear.
I won’t respond the same this time. I’m better than this.
I’m going to be better.
Moving down the lunch line, I take an orange juice out of the cooler and walk for the cashier, but arms suddenly lock me in on both sides, keeping me from moving. My heart jumps, thinking it’s Misha, but then I turn around, seeing Trey behind me.
“You know, if you wanted dirty, I could’ve done dirty,” he taunts, staring down at me. “Maybe it was good Laurent broke you in, though. Doesn’t take long for you little bitches to turn slut once you get a taste for it.”
I breathe hard. What the hell did he just say?
He laughs. “You should’ve seen the train we pulled on this girl last week. She had guys lined up. It was so fucking good.”
I push through his arm and pay for my juice, carrying my drink and books to an empty table as far away from his as I can find. I feel eyes on me everywhere, like people are laughing. I haven’t sat at a table alone in a long time.