ELEVEN | ANASTASIA
If there’sone day I’m exceptionally grateful for Aaron, it’s competition days.
In contrast to my fidgeting, panicking self, Aaron is calm and relaxed, gently reassuring me that it will be okay. Meanwhile, I’m throwing up from anxiety.
Unsurprisingly, according to him, it was okay, and we’re going to sectionals. Brady even joked that I skated better than usual, crediting my serious head injury.
Go figure.
I’m like this every time; the older I get, the more there is at stake, and the worse the anxiety becomes. Aaron is as calm as, if not calmer than, he was when we started skating together freshman year. I think the difference is Aaron hasn’t not qualified before, he’s never fallen and gone flying across a rink, and thankfully, he’s never dropped me.
He’s never given himself a reason not to be confident.
We got through today, but the pressure is on even more for sectionals next month. If we get through that, we’re off to nationals in January.
Brady has been annoyed with me from day one for not going further in my younger years. She says I have the talent, and she doesn’t understand why I haven’t been to international competitions before. The honest answer is that my partner at the time, James, wasn’t up to it, and I didn’t want to find someone new because I loved him.
Absurdis her favorite way to describe it.
“You were amazing today,” Aaron says, looking at me from the driver’s seat. We usually travel with Aubrey, but Aaron drove today since the competition was close. “I can’t wait for Brin to see the video.”
After something like this, Sabrina is always subjected to a play-by-play of our routines. She’d previously said she would watch us in action, since it was so close by, but Robbie asked her to watch the Titans play their first home game of the season.
I was expecting Aaron to be a bitch about it when she floated the idea this morning, but he was surprisingly positive and said she could always come to the next one.
“You too. I couldn’t have done it without you.”
“We’re a good team, Stas. We argue sometimes, but we can’t do what we do with other people. It wouldn’t be the same.”
Annoyingly, he isn’t wrong. “I know.”
“We’re going all the way. I can feel it. If we keep up what we’re doing, you stick to your meal plan. We can smash it.”
“Do you wanna grab dinner or something? I doubt Sabrina will be back from the Titans game against Washington yet.”
“I can’t, sorry. I’ve got plans with Cory and Davey; we’re going for drinks.”
My phone buzzes in the cup holder, and I reach for it, seeing Brin’s name flash up.
BRINNY
BRINNY:Your man is fine as hell, jeeeeeeeeeez.
STASSIE: He isn’t my man.
BRINNY:He should be. He just slammed someone into the wall and I swear I got a flutter.
STASSIE: What’s happening?
BRINNY:Dunno. Still don’t understand hockey. Robbie is wearing a 3 piece suit and shouting at people though *pregnant emoji*
STASSIE: Omg. Are they winning?
BRINNY:Yeah! Nate keeps sliding them in so easy, just like he did with your kitty cat.
STASSIE: I hate u
BRINNY:Let him puck your mouth, Stassie
STASSIE: Deleting your number
BRINNY:Wanna go out tonight to celebrate?
STASSIE: Not if it’s with the hockey team.
BRINNY:I look forward to you changing your mind *smirk emoji*
I know Sabrina well enough to know there’s no point in trying to avoid the guys tonight. It might be fun because, unfortunately, I like a lot of them.
I told her under no circumstances was I going with her to Robbie’s birthday party last week, and then I had to sit there, staring at her smug smile, while she did my makeup for the party I definitely wasn’t going to.
If she’s going out, and so is Aaron, there is no point in me staying home alone, right?
“That’s okay. Brin messaged to say she wants to go out anyway,” I tell him, stuffing my phone back into the cup holder.
“Trust Sabrina to get involved with a hockey guy, of all people,” he tuts, checking his mirrors before turning onto our road. “At least Rothwell isn’t a total jackass.”
I make a mental note to remember that. Ryan will be thrilled he’s only a bit of a jackass, not a total one.
Regardless of what feelings I have or have had about the hockey players, Robbie is great with Sabrina. He’s thoughtful and kind, but most importantly, he treats her with the respect she deserves. And even his parents were very sweet to her during her impromptu meeting with them, proving Robbie has been raised right.
Unlike some people I know.
“He makes her happy and it’s none of our business.”
“It will be when she gets knocked up and ghosted.”
“That’s not—” This argument isn’t worth it. “I’m sure it’ll be fine.”
“You should stay away from them, Stassie. They’re bad news. You don’t always have to go where Sabrina tells you to, y’know.”
The words are on the tip of my tongue, but I swallow them down, desperate to not ruin what’s otherwise been a great day. “Okay.”
I don’t bother telling him I’ll be spending the evening with the exact people he wants me to avoid. Despite not wanting to spend time with me himself, he won’t want others to either.
“I’m trying to look out for you, Stassie. I care about you. We’re partners, that goes beyond skating. I know you’d do the same for me.”
I make allowances for Aaron, desperate to cling to those lovely moments we share. He does care about me, and he does care about Sabrina. But sometimes, like now, he says something that makes me question his real motives.
There are times when the idea he’d say anything bad about either of us feels impossible. When he’s fiercely loyal and protective, without being toxic, and when the three of us are tucked up together in our living room, watching movies and laughing.
Then there are times like now when the nasty streak he has seeps through the cracks. Sometimes it comes so out of nowhere it feels like whiplash, making me wonder if I know him at all.
I wait for the car to stop outside our building before leaning over to hug him. “I care about you, too, Aaron.”
* * *