Definitely not something I’d buy myself. Although I’m all for anything comfy and casual. This was a gift from Ava, and I wear them because the shirt has the quote Nerd? I prefer intellectually superior.
As soon as I open my door, I’m slammed with endless noise and chatter.
No surprise, Remi has decided to invade our space just because he’s bored and probably has no shags scheduled for tonight. As usual, Creighton and Bran are with him.
He waltzes into our living room carrying bottles of beer and starts to kick, push, and rearrange our furniture.
“Stop doing that!” Ava runs toward him and effortlessly tries to put an end to his chaos. “This is our space!”
“I’m not hearing you over my lordship’s creative ideas.” He tells Creighton to help him, which he does without a word.
When he reaches the sofa on which Annika sits like a doll, slurping from her purple cup and glittery straw, he fixates her with a stare.
That’s enough to have her stand up and head to Ava’s side.
Remi, who’s having his way as usual, grins, opens a bottle of beer, and gives one to Bran. “Cheers, mate!”
Bran clicks Remi’s bottle with his and sits on the floor cross-legged. Even though he’s Lan’s identical twin brother, the similarities stop there. Bran is more silent, nicer, kinder, and definitely isn’t up to trouble all the time. He’s a bit like me, but I think he runs deeper than any of us know.
He’s hanging out with us mainly because Remi dragged him along.
Remi always bugs him and Creigh to join his endeavours, part because he’s annoying and part because he knows we wouldn’t actually kick them out.
“The house is so silent,” the prick muses, running his gaze over the place.
“I’m right here, dick.” Ava glares down her nose at him but still snatches a bottle of beer.
“Not you, peasant.” He sniffs the air. “I can smell that other crazy cougar, so she must be around here. Unless she actually died in one of her books and her ghost is doing stretches to haunt us.”
“The only one I’ll haunt is you, Remi.” I stroll from my room and join them.
The other guys nod at me and I nod back. Ava, however, side-hugs me. “Rems invaded our flat and ruined our pretty decorations.”
He gives an evil laugh. “You don’t stand a chance in front of my genius plans.”
“More like foolish,” I mutter.
“Don’t be jealous, Ces.”
“Of what exactly?”
“My dashing looks, for one.” He forms an L at his chin and touches his nose to show just how straight it is. “I’m open to giving you lessons in charisma if you get on your knees and call me your master.”
“In your dreams.”
“In my dreams, you’re not a prude slash nerd.”
“Now, who’s the jealous one?”
“Of your nonexistent sex life.” He pretends to yawn. “Wake me up when this one starts to say the word cock. Sorry, I mean penis.”
“You little—” I pause when I feel Ava’s body vibrating against mine. “Are you laughing?”
“No, I swear.” She does a shit job at hiding her laughter. “I’m done.”
“Something Cecy will never say in this lifetime,” Remi muses.
Ava snorts and bursts out laughing.
“I’m going to kill you,” I tell him, then glare at Ava. “And you just lost bestie privileges.”
“No, Cecy.” She hugs me tighter. “Don’t leave me. And shut up, Rems, seriously. Leave her alone. We need a prude in our ranks like we need a manwhore, aka you.”
Remi laughs. “Joke’s on you because that’s a compliment!”
“Was that supposed to make me feel better?” I ask Ava while wearing my poker face.
She merely grins and hugs me again. “You can die celibate and we’ll still love you.”
Rolling my eyes, I push her away and head toward Anni, who’s not so subtly watching Creighton while toying with her straw.
When I sit beside her, she smiles and offers me some snacks.
Remi chooses to put Ava under fire, obviously bored with the old rehearsed topic of my alleged prudeness.
You’re not a prude if you like primal play.
I slowly close my eyes to chase away Jeremy’s voice. Just why on earth do I keep thinking of him when I’m supposed to be focusing that energy on starting anew with Lan?
Though is that what I truly want?
“I missed being here with you guys.” Anni sighs.
Right. She was often forced to stay in her brother’s mansion upon his order and there was nothing she could do about it.
“Can’t you tell him no?” I swallow. “Jeremy, I mean.”
“Tell Jer no?” She laughs awkwardly. “Have you seen him?”
I have.
Countless times.
And I hate it.
Because even when he’s not there, I find myself searching for his shadow in the darkness, behind the trees.
Everywhere.
“I did get some of my freedom back, so silver lining!” She smiles.
“Has he…always been controlling like this?” I realize that I’m digging where I’m not supposed to, but I can’t help it.
Maybe if I continue painting him as the devil, I’ll find the will to move past him.
Anni releases the straw and stares up. “For as long as I’ve been alive? He’s six years older than me, so ever since I was born, it’s felt as if I’ve had a guard from hell. No, a guardian angel.”
“Those are entirely different.”
“I hate when he confiscates my freedom, but I know he’s doing it because he cares about my safety. We…were born into a cruel world, and Jeremy suffered in it more than I did, so I guess he takes security very seriously and I love him as a brother. I just don’t like him as Papa’s heir sometimes.”
I rub the side of my nose.
Of course.
Jeremy is meant to be a mafia leader one day. That’s his destiny that he can’t escape even if he wants to. Considering all the violence he takes part in, I suspect he doesn’t.
That should be enough to make me forget about him.
Move on.
Even if my body refuses to erase his touch.
I grab a bottle of beer and chug half of it down.
“OMG.” Ava leaves Remi alone and wipes the side of my face. “Why are you drinking?”
“Last I checked, you’re not the only one who can.”
“You’re a lightweight, remember?”
“Leave me alone.” I swat her away as if she’s a fly.
“Yeah, leave her alone. Drunk Ces is much less uptight than sober Ces, and we love that beautiful bitch.” Remi clinks his bottle against mine. “Cheers to a truce!”
I drink the other half the bottle in one go and wince at the burn. They’re right. I don’t usually do this, but I’m safe here with them. If I somehow pass out, Ava will tuck me in.
While I avoid drink as to not repeat that black night, I don’t mind if it’s with people I trust.
It takes exactly three beers for my muscles to loosen, and I start grinning like an idiot.
Truth is, Remi is actually a clown and he’s funny. I’m just much harder on him when I’m sober, because he keeps calling me names.
We start singing karaoke, and I stand up to jump along to the music while hugging Ava and Anni, but immediately, the room starts swaying. Or I do.
Ava grabs me by the arm and snatches the beer from my hand. “No more drinks for you, lady.”
“Nooo, let me be.”
“Yeah, let her be.” Remi appears like a devil on my left. “Drunk Cecy is fun Cecy!”
I narrow my eyes on him. “I’m not a prude.”
He grins. “Wanna be in my next orgy?”
“Hmph. I’m into something way better than that.” I pull on his ear. “Wanna know what?”
“Fuck yeah. I’m all for kinks.”
“Forget it.” My shoulders slump. “I’m too cowardly to try it again.”
“You can just un-coward yourself.” He waggles his brows. “I can help.”
I grab him by the face, watching him intently before I tut. “Not the right one.”
“Hey, what the actual fuck? I’m always the right one. It’s on my birth certificate right next to the aristocratic title.”
I wave him off and stumble, then hit a fallen pillow. Creighton catches me with a slight frown. “You good?”
I pat his arm, nodding, and pull his ear to whisper, “Perrrfect.”
He merely raises a brow, seeming to call my bullshit, but he doesn’t push it.
“I love you, Creigh.”
“Thanks?”
“Want me to help with Anni?”
“If you mean help to keep her away, sure.”
“Oh, please.” I snort and push him away. “Liar. Liar. Hey, Ava! Is there any vodka around here?”
“None of us drink that. What the fuck?” Ava snatches me from Creigh’s hold, drags me to my room, and dumps me on the bed like I’m a sack of potatoes. “Mind telling me what’s going on?”
I stand up, sway, and fall back down with a grunt. “I’m gonna go to the store and get some vodka.”
“Like fuck you are. You can’t even walk.” She sits beside me and checks my temperature. “Are you okay?”
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Because you don’t willingly drink or entertain Remi, and you’ve certainly never even tried vodka before.”
“I did.” I grin, my voice lowering. “It was sexy.”
“Huh?”
“Shh,” I murmur. “He could be watching. He’s everywhere and nowhere all at once.”
“Why are we whispering?” She matches my tone. “And who is he?”
“The devil,” I say in a hoarse voice, then gasp. “He disappeared and I hate it.”
“Is this about Lan?” She frowns. “He’s seriously bad news, Cecy. I thought you were over him by now.”
“Are you over Eli?”
She purses her lips. “In this house, we don’t speak of He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named.”
I release a long breath and lie down. “I wish it was about Lan. The devil you know is better, right?”
“What the fuck type of drug did you inhale today?”
“Devilish?”
“I swear, you’ll be the death of me.” She makes me drink water, then tucks me in bed and even kisses my forehead like I do to her when she’s drunk out of her mind.
Ava and I only allow ourselves to be vulnerable in each other’s company.
Because that’s what best friends are for.
She remains by my side until she thinks I’ve fallen asleep.
As soon as she leaves, I open my eyes and stare at the mangas covering the ceiling.
After a few minutes, I pull out my phone.
I’m so going to regret this in the morning, but if I wait until I’m sober, I’ll never stop being a coward and will never do what I want.
To take risks.
To step out of my comfort zone.
I want that feeling of freedom again. I need to overflow with being both wrong and right at the same time.
After clicking on Lan’s profile, I pause, then type a DM.
I want to be chased and ambushed. In the dark. Where you can use me and no one knows.
He reads it. But no dots appear.
I stare at my screen for what seems like hours, but no reply comes.
So I flip my phone and groan when it falls on my face.
That’s why tears come out—because the hit hurts.
It’s not because of anything else.
I hide my eyes with my arms and this time force myself to fall asleep.
I dream of dark eyes following my every move, watching every step, and counting every breath.
They’re intense and ruthless and I don’t stand a chance in front of them.
It’s half a dream, half reality, because I know I’m lying in bed and drunk out of my mind with tears in my eyes.
But I still feel him.
He fills the room with his otherworldly presence as he watches me from the corner with enough tension to spike the heat in my veins.
I kick the blanket away and moan when it rubs against my soft flesh. I slide my hand beneath my shorts, under my knickers, then tease my swollen folds.
Soft moans slip out of me and I hide my face in the pillow to muffle them. The more I feel his eyes on me, the harder I tease my clit and the stronger I sense the pleasure building in my core.
When I’m getting close, I writhe in bed, my heart beating so loud, I’m surprised no one outside can hear.
A low tutting sound fills the room and I freeze, slowly opening my eyes.