“I don’t like this guy.” Jeremy narrows his eyes. “You’re being exclusive for the first time in your life and keeping it a secret for his sake and he doesn’t love you? What is he? An idiot?”
“Hey, don’t call him that.”
“You’re defending him? Wow. Where’s my brutish friend Niko and what have you done to him?”
“I’m a changed man, Jer.” I grin. “Gotta go. Don’t tell anyone.”
“Do you have to go? I thought we were discussing how to bring Landon down after everything he’s done.”
I wince. So I might have been the one who delayed the Heathens’ plans to take vengeance against Landon King. I have to do it, and I will, because he’s a motherfucker, but I can’t help thinking about Bran’s reaction.
All this time, I’d hoped they were enemies, and while they don’t hang out much, they text each other all the fucking time.
Or more like Landon checks on Bran in a neurotic fashion, and my lotus flower gets this little smile on his lips whenever he reads his asshole brother’s texts.
He said they’re different but they’re twins and that’s a bond for life.
I suppose he wouldn’t appreciate me punching his brother into an early grave, even if he deserves it.
“Just plan it out and let me know,” I tell Jer. “I have more important shit to do.”
* * *
“Baby, I’m home!”
Did that sound so domesticated?
Well, I do think of the penthouse as home now, which is weird. Bran also texted ‘I’ll see you at home’ earlier today, so at least I’m not the only one thinking it.
I remove my T-shirt and toss it on the floor, then, thinking about the asshole’s nagging, I pick it up and dunk it on the chair. Not ideal, but it’s a compromise.
My brow furrows when I don’t find him in the kitchen busy being a Mary Sue. He’s so anal about the meals he makes. Bran is the type of cook who’ll go out at ungodly hours just to have his perfect ingredients.
He’s an excellent cook. I just wish he’d cut himself some slack.
And not only about cooking, but also lacrosse, his gazillion charitable activities, and painting. He’s meticulous about everything, and he’s so ridiculously hard on himself, it’s starting to raise red flags. No one should be that perfect and think they’re not. Literally no one.
Sometimes, I doubt that he even likes his body, because he’s so quick about putting on clothes the moment we’re not fucking. It’s as if he doesn’t like looking at those gorgeous, perfectly toned muscles.
It’s impossible to see him half naked. The guys at the Heathens’ often parade half naked after showers or around the pool. Bran isn’t a fan of swimming, probably because he has to dress down for it.
I wish he’d talk to me more. While we often have conversations during breakfast or dinner, there’s a pattern I’ve noticed.
Whenever I ask something about him, he subtly turns the conversation so it’s about me instead.
He loves asking me questions about my parents, my siblings, my life in NYC, and even my role in the Heathens. Whenever I talk, he always listens with keen interest.
However, when I try to get to know him, he’s like a blank slate. He prefers talking about his friends and asshole brother instead of himself.
Which is annoying, to say the least.
It’s strange that he’s not in the kitchen. Is he not here yet?
I narrow my eyes. He said he was playing stupid video games with Mia earlier, so he better not have lost track of time.
And no, I’m not jealous of my baby sister.
Much.
I head to the guest room down the hall that he turned into a mini art studio. He said that since he’s spending more time here than at the Elites’ mansion, he can at least be productive and work on his art.
And seriously, that’s one of the best decisions he’s ever made. I love sneakily watching him being all concentrated as he does these bold strokes of color. I don’t understand them, but they look pretty and, most importantly, he looks hot as fuck when he’s in the zone.
He has this picturesque mountain painting that he’s been working on, but he doesn’t look pleased in the least when he does.
I open the door, ready to jump him from behind and attack his ticklish sides until he bursts out laughing. The sound is so rare that I can’t resist any chance to make it happen.
Usually, he laughs or smiles effortlessly whenever I’m telling him about my past adventures in school or with Mom and Dad, so I need to narrate more of those tonight. I even called Mom to ask about any shenanigans I might not remember…
My hand falls from the knob when I find him standing in the center of the room, in front of a canvas full of chaotic black strokes. His palette is on the floor, smudged in black as if he poured it out to murder all the other colors.
Splashes of black stain his feet and his khaki pants and even his usually spotless white shirt.
This isn’t like him. Bran is so organized and despises the idea of chaos. So to see him standing in the middle of it is not normal.
I slowly approach him and catch a glimpse of him staring at the canvas with a blank face. His hand pulls at the back of his hair so harshly, his nape is red, and his knuckles are white.
“Lotus flower?” I call, but he doesn’t make any sign of acknowledging my existence.
So I move in front of him, blocking his view of the canvas.
He looks straight through me as if his body is here, but his soul is floating somewhere else. I reach for his hand and pause when I feel how stiff he is, as if he’s hardening his body against a threat.
What the fuck is messing with you, Bran?
I have to apply pressure to peel his fingers from his hair one by one. My chest squeezes when I see brown strands in his hand.
“Brandon?”
I circle his nape, stroking the spot he abused. “Baby, look at me.”
My lips brush against his and they twitch. When I pull back, I find him watching me with bemused, lost eyes.
“Nikolai? When did you get here?”
“Just now,” I lie, my fingers still caressing his nape. “You okay?”
“I’m fine.”
“You don’t look fine. Your skin is pale and you’re standing in the middle of a mess.”
He looks at his surroundings as if he’s seeing it all for the first time.
Little by little, light blooms back behind his irises and he winces. “Bloody hell. Sorry.”
“Stop fucking apologizing.” I breathe harshly, watching him closely, trying to find a trace of the zombie version from a moment ago.
“Sorry…uh, I mean sorry. Jesus…” he trails off. “You should go. I’ll clean up.”
He starts to move, casting his gaze anywhere but at me.
My hold tightens on his nape and I clutch his jaw with my free hand so he’ll look at me. “What happened?”
An unnatural shine covers his eyes and it’s so similar to when he becomes panicked after I touch him in a semi-public space. “It was…an accident.”
“It doesn’t look like an accident.”
“I just dropped it. It’s nothing.”
He pulls away from me and grabs the palette then carefully places it on a few tissues on his sketching table.
For a few seconds, he remains there, hand gripping the edge of the table and his back crowding with tension as if he’s fighting his demons and shoving them back to where no one can see them.
When he turns around, he seems more like himself, and this time, he looks at me, like really looks at me, and instantly, his lips purse with disapproval. “Were you fighting again?”
I make an affirmative sound, not bothering to use my state as an excuse for him to touch me.
There’s something wrong with him, and the more he hides it, the clearer I see it. But if I ask him about it outright, he’ll just deflect and retreat behind his high walls. Or worse, he’ll revert back to his old habits and run away.
But I can’t take this anymore. I can’t watch him break in silence and do nothing.
Bran glides wet wipes over his hands, cleaning away the black paint, then walks to me, clutches me by the jaw, and rotates my head from left to right. “You seriously need to stop fighting. One day, you’ll really get hurt. You’re not immortal.”
He presses his finger against a bruise on my jaw and I wince.
“Does it hurt?” he asks with a note of concern that he obviously doesn’t have for himself.
“If I say yes, will you kiss it better?”
“I give up.” He releases me with a sigh. “I’ll go get the first aid kit.”
“I’ll do it myself. I need a bath anyway.” I walk to the entrance and glance back.
Bran watches me with a wretched expression, his body is angled my way like every time we’re in public, and then he opens his mouth, but just like all those times, he closes it again.
“You have something to tell me, baby?”
I expect something. Anything, but he shakes his head. “I will…clean up and fix dinner.”
I say nothing as I storm out and into the bathroom. I should be used to his methods at this point, but I don’t like it.
The whole fucking thing is making my skin crawl.
I sit in the Jacuzzi for what seems like forever, but it must be like half an hour. The bubbles echo around me, but there’s nothing relaxing about them, so I turn them off to think in silence.
My mind fills with thoughts about the reason behind Bran’s state from earlier, but no matter how much I think about it, I come up empty.
With a sigh, I lean back and grab my phone from the side of the tub and check my texts, mostly from the group chat with the guys.
Killian
Where are you, Niko?
Jeremy
He’s busy. Let him be.
Gareth
Niko busy? And you’re not there to keep him in check?
Jeremy
Let’s say he doesn’t need my services with his recent endeavors.
Killian
It’s the ED situation, isn’t it?
Gareth
Kill, the fuck? He’ll just flood the group chat with dick pics.
Me
Kolya says hi, motherfuckers.
I send one just to fuck with them.
The door opens and I look up to find Bran standing in the entrance. He’s changed into flannel pajama pants and a white T-shirt, looking like a Christmas present.
“I…wanted to make sure you weren’t meditating in the water.”
“I’m not.” I close my eyes and lean my head against the cushion.
No idea why, but I’m mad. It’s not the first time he’s hid himself from me, but I’ve never seen him in that state, either.
The fact that he refuses to let me in even though I’m a damn open book is messing with my fucking head.
I really, really hate fucking complicated.
Movement echoes around me and I remain still, vehement about trying to ignore him for once.
The splashing of water forces me to open my eyes just in time to see Bran climbing into the bath, entirely naked.
“What are you doing?”
“You always ask me to join you. Is it different this time?” he asks even as he sits down and stretches his legs out on either side of me.
“Do what you want.” I try to sound unaffected, which is hard when he looks so stunningly beautiful.
At this point, it’s safe to say I’ve learned every ridge of his muscles and where his moles are—upper left shoulder, above his right hip, behind his right knee, on his left knee, and just beneath his jaw.
Not that I’m obsessive or anything.
He nudges my thigh with his foot. “Are you mad at me or something?”
“What gave you that idea?”
“You’re not jumping my bones, for one.” He smiles, but it’s forced. “Are you losing interest?”
“Are you?”
“No.”
“Hmm.”
He’s silent for a second. “What’s this about? Is it because I told you to stop fighting?”
“I won’t do that.”
“I can tell.”