BRANDON
Ihave survived weeks barely able to breathe, so the rush of life that ripples through me feels foreign.
Intoxicating.
Addicting.
I’m trapped again, completely helpless in the arms of the man who flipped my world upside down and refuses to leave.
The man because of whom I’ve barely slept since last week, sick with a level of concern I’ve never felt. Not even for myself.
I plunge my tongue against his and kiss him deeper, my fingers tugging and pulling on his hair until he groans in my mouth.
Until I’m drunk on his taste, his smell, and his warmth. On his breath and the feel of his flexing muscles beneath mine.
But most importantly, on the pulse that beats in his throat.
He’s alive.
He’s here.
His hands land on my hips, tugging me against him as he kisses me with the same ferocity, digging himself into that nook in my chest even I have no access to.
But I don’t care.
As long as I can feel his heartbeat thundering against my chest, as long as I can hear his growls of pleasure, as long as I can smell his intoxicating scent, I can flounder in self-hatred afterward.
I can take on those vicious voices.
I can pretend I’m not an entity of emptiness with no sense of identity whatsoever.
I can take anything as long as I have him.
Because Nikolai is the only one who kisses the pain out of me, even if temporarily.
I trace my lips over his jaw, his high cheekbone, and then down his neck, careful not to touch the plaster covering the injury.
The vibration of his groan sends a shudder through me that ends in my hardening cock.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, kissing around the plaster over and over. “So sorry.”
And it’s not only because I couldn’t save him in time.
I’m sorry about being a coward who can’t kiss him in public but hungers for him in private.
I’m sorry that I retreated after he ended things when I should’ve fought for him.
But most of all, I’m sorry that he even wants me.
I need him in ways words can’t express, and he’s the only person I can do this with, but he can have anyone he wants, considering he’s infinitely secure in his sexuality.
I’m not secure in my body, my sexuality, or my own fucking head.
But he touches me as if he’s blind to all those flaws.
He touches me as if I’m normal, and I need that. I fucking crave it.
“It’s not your fault.” He speaks in that low, growly voice as he reaches a hand beneath my shirt and digs his fingers into my sides. “Stop apologizing for shit you didn’t do.”
Instead of replying, I kiss my way down his inky chest, over his necklace, and nibble on his nipple. I’m rewarded with the rumbling of his voice and the clenching of his muscles.
“You like that?” I ask as I pinch his other nipple.
“Mmm. I like your tongue anywhere.”
I smile against his nipple, tugging on it before I continue down, peppering kisses all over the different shapes and forms of his tattoos. He’s criminally attractive and he knows it so well, which is why he often parades around half naked.
The thought of others enjoying his beauty turns me murderous.
But he’s had no one since me.
That thought makes me hum with pleasure against his abs. No one can touch him but me.
His noises of desire are mine.
His body is mine.
He’s all mine.
I tug on the drawstring of his shorts with my teeth and look up at him.
My breath catches when I find his eyes darkening with unhinged lust as he watches me.
“Fucking beautiful.”
My heart thumps louder. I’ve missed those words and that look. I’ve fucking missed being looked at as if he really thinks I’m beautiful.
I never even considered that I could be beautiful until him.
Maintaining eye contact, I undo the drawstring and pull his shorts down.
And fuck.
He’s gone commando. Of course he has. This is Nikolai and he’s deeply allergic to clothes.
I drop to my knees between his legs and fist his hard cock, jerking him up and down in a slow rhythm.
“Mmm.” The noise he releases makes me fucking ravenous and my dick thickens against my shorts. “You’re on your knees.”
“For you.”
“For me. I like the sound of that.” His fingers thread in my hair. “Choke on my cock. Make it sloppy and wet so I can fuck you.”
“Call me baby.” I flick my tongue over his crown, teasing the piercing and licking the precum.
“Missed your nickname?”
I squeeze until he groans, but I’m not sure whether it’s in pleasure or pain. With Nikolai, it could easily be both.
“Do it.” I speak around his crown, sucking it inside and then nibbling on the piercings with my teeth.
“Stop fucking around and put my cock in your mouth, baby.”
A shudder spreads through me and I take as much as possible of his length, all the way to the back of my throat, and swallow around his pierced crown.
Nikolai curses in long, unintelligible strings of words and I squeeze his balls.
“Ummm,” I moan when he thickens against my tongue.
“Jesus fuck, baby. Your mouth feels so fucking good…”
I lick him faster, armed with the knowledge I’ve gathered during all this time. Nikolai loves to be sucked, but there’s something else he goes feral for.
I pull his cock out, tugging on a piercing with my teeth before I release him with a pop.
My eyes meet his hooded ones. “Hey, Niko?”
“Mmm? Why did you stop?”
“I want you to fuck my throat.”
His eyes widen the slightest bit before they flood with twisted desire and something else I can’t put my finger on.
“Fucking fuck.” He fists the top of my hair and tugs my head back. I follow, lips open and my fingers still squeezing his balls. “You’re the hottest fucking thing I’ve ever seen.”
Bloody hell.
He means it.
Why…?
Before I can think, he thrusts all the way to the back of my throat. I widen and loosen my jaw so he can go as far as possible. I’m extremely proud that I don’t have a gag reflex.
I want to bring him pleasure as intense as he gives me.
“Holyfuckinghell. You’re taking my cock so well. Mmm, I fucking love how you swallow around my crown…” His hips jerk back and forth against the sofa as he fucks my throat.
He takes and takes and gives me the most beautiful view in return.
His face.
I love that I’m the reason he looks elated, high, even, as if he, like me, is addicted to the mad friction that happens whenever we touch.
“Open wider, baby. That’s it… Jesus fuck…I love how you choke on my cock. Mmm… Did you miss this?”
I nod, but I’m not sure if it’s visible with the harsh grip he has on my hair.
“Good. Because I missed your beautiful little face when it’s stuffed with my cock.”
My own cock leaks in my shorts at his dirty mouth.
His rhythm turns wild, his piercing bumping at the back of my throat with every thrust. Pressure forms behind my eyes, but I don’t give a fuck. I take whatever he has to lash out at me. I need it.
I need him.
Precum and saliva gather in my mouth and I swallow the way he likes it, causing the muscles of my throat to constrict around his crown. His growl is music to my fucking ears, so I do it again and he tightens his grip on my hair, messing it up as much as he’s screwing my entire life over.
“You need to stop that or I’ll come down your throat.”
I squeeze his balls, encouraging him, trying to push him over the edge. I’m so close myself. When he comes, I’ll just need to stroke myself a few times and I’ll join him.
All of a sudden, Nikolai drags his cock out of my mouth and I’m forced to release him.
My lungs burn from the sudden rush of air and I pant as I swallow thickly. “Why…don’t stop…”
“I love your mouth, but I need to come in your ass, baby.” He jerks up, kicks away his shorts so that he’s standing in front of me in his full, beautiful glory.
Ah, fuck.
I didn’t realize how much I missed his shameless nudity until now. I’ve become so accustomed to the view and the feel of his marble-like, extensively tattooed body that everything felt colorless after him.
Using his grip on my hair, he tugs me up and pulls on the corner of my T-shirt. “I love how you look in my clothes, but this needs to go.”
He helps me remove the shirt and I fumble with my shorts until they’re pooling at my ankles and then I kick them off.
Yes. I’m commando as well.
I won’t make it a habit, but I like the savage look in his eyes as they take in the entirety of me.
“Hot motherfucker.” Nikolai leans over and bites on my Adam’s apple, making me gasp. “I missed your voice and even your annoying fucking nagging.”
My fingers find their way to his hair and I press him to my chest. I can’t have him close enough. Touch him deep enough. Soak in him long enough.
“Arms around my neck,” he orders.