I growl around his skin and he thickens even more against the vibration. For some reason, the praise sends me into a frenzy. He’s breaking me, crushing my very foundation to fucking pieces, and I’m overwhelmingly addicted.
Undeniably fucking screwed.
I suck his cock like it’s a sport, going deeper and harder, then relax my jaw and let him use my tongue for friction. It’s sloppy in the beginning; my saliva runs down his length and onto his balls, but then I mix it with his precum on purpose as I lick and tease his piercings so enthusiastically, it’s as if I was born to suck cock.
Not just any cock. His cock.
I drown in the lustful moans spilling from him. My balls tighten and my dick thickens as his growls rumble through me, turning me into a fucking animal.
The opening of a drawer breaches my ears, but I don’t pay attention as I get the hang of what I’m doing. I twist the base of his shaft, pull it out of my mouth, then swirl my tongue on the crown, teeth tugging on a piercing.
“Mmmfuck, baby…fuck…” He releases a thick, lustful sound and feeds me more of his precum.
I can feel him getting close, his dick growing huge in my hands, and even though my jaw aches, I take him in again.
There’s no ending this until he shatters as hard as he broke me earlier. I’ll give him pleasure as intense as he gave me—
A cold, slippery finger trails a path on my balls and then my arse cheek is pulled to the side and that finger circles my rim.
I buck, the movement taking me so completely by surprise, I don’t know what to do. My head is swimming in so much overpowering lust from sucking his cock that I didn’t even realize what he was doing.
Nikolai rolls his hips and thrusts all the way to the back of my throat. Pressure forms at my back hole as he traces the rim some more, then slides his finger in.
“Shhh. You’re doing so good, baby. Your ass is taking my finger so well.” He drives his cock in my mouth as he penetrates me from behind.
The intrusion makes me close my eyes, my knees shaking, and a part of me demands I fight.
Somehow.
Anyhow.
I need to—
He drives his finger in slowly, breaching me so wholly, I can’t think straight.
“Mmmf… Ffuck…” I mumble around his cock, saliva and precum dripping on his balls.
Another lubed finger joins the first and the fullness clouds my head. All I can do is remain still, mouth open, arse in the air as he thrusts in me.
The pain slowly disappears, replaced by an acute sense of…pleasure?
Oh fuck.
“That’s it, baby.” He thrusts his cock in and out of my mouth, hitting the back of my throat with the piercings. “Fuck your ass on my fingers.”
I realize with utter shock that I’m rocking back and forth, lips parted so he can fuck me with his cock and I’m helping him drive in and out of my arse.
Fucking fuck.
He’s dragging out a foreign version of me, clawing and tearing at every safety measure I had in place.
He gets close and I’m giving up control.
He touches me and I’m stumbling, rolling, falling, falling, falling…
Nikolai’s fingers scrape something inside me and I nearly lose balance.
“There it is.” The lust in his voice undoes me, shoving me to the edge. “Fuck… I’m gonna come…”
He pegs his fingers against that secret part once.
Twice…
On the third time, heat engulfs me and any sounds I want to make are drowned by the cum that explodes all over my mouth, lips, and face.
But that’s not the part that makes me want to scream. It’s my own dick shooting cum on Nikolai’s chest, face, and hands.
It goes on and on, spraying everywhere and decorating the sheets.
Please don’t tell me I just came without any stimulation to my cock.
I jerk away from Nikolai and he slips his fingers from my arse. My hole clenches around them as if wanting to keep them there. What the—
“Mmm.” Nikolai traces his other hand over the cum on his chest, smearing it on the tattoos before he drags his fingers to his mouth. “You definitely made a mess this time. Hot as fuck.”
I try to escape, but I end up tripping on his limbs and I fall beside him on the bed.
Nikolai doesn’t seem to sense my feelings of trepidation, because he rolls, flips around, and hovers on top of me. His majestic body, while huge, doesn’t feel threatening. The tip of the necklace skims over my throat like a caress. His loose hair frames his face and I have to stop myself from touching it.
“You’re going to kiss me, aren’t you?” I ask, my defenses depleted.
He grins, eyes shining with mischief. “You know I will.”
“What if I ask you not to?”
“We both know your mouth is a fucking liar unless I’m devouring it.” He darts out his tongue and licks his cum off my jaw and lips, then thrusts it into my parted mouth, feeding me his cum, making me taste him again and swallow every last drop.
Whenever he kisses me, I feel like I’m losing a piece of myself that I’ll never recuperate. And yet I can’t help sinking my fingers into his hair, moaning in his mouth, gliding my tongue against his, sucking, biting, and forgetting.
For one moment, I forget and let myself get lost in the dream.
He pulls his mouth from mine and I have to physically stop myself from chasing his tongue and hooking it against mine.
Nikolai gives my bottom lip one last tug before he releases it and pushes off me, his finger teasing my nipple on his way up. “I’ll be right back, baby. Don’t move.”
My head turns to the side, watching his inked back muscles flexing, his hair messed up from how much I pulled and fisted the inky strands.
Somewhere in the center of my chest aches.
Why the fuck is he so beautiful and why am I…this attracted to him?
Wasn’t I supposed to be broken?
I stare at the white platform ceiling for a few seconds, but then as the pleasure haze disappears, I blink away my confusion and sober up.
My legs barely carry me as I stand up and snatch my clothes, then put them on awkwardly as I jog to the lift.
I pause inside, my forefinger hovering over the yellow ground-floor button, and then I do what I’ve done my entire life.
Run away. Deny. Pretend.
Nausea rushes up my throat when I push the button.
As the door closes, my fingers find the hairs at the back of my head and I pull, but no amount of pain drowns out the sense of loss crawling up my limbs.
* * *
I couldn’t sleeplast night.
For the first time in eight fucking years, I didn’t get a wink of sleep.
Not one.
I tossed and turned, took three cold showers, drank more herbal tea than in Victorian England, and went to my studio, but nothing helped to put me down.
I even jammed my Swiss Army knife in my arm, but the sharp point only caused a small cut and the blood that dripped out didn’t manage to chase away the ink that swallowed me up to my waist, murdering any form of pleasure I’d experienced the previous night.
What makes you think you can enjoy anything when you’re fucking defective?
Despite those thoughts and the black face in the mirror. Despite the blood that rushed out of me and the strokes of red on my canvas, I can’t help the jolt of hope or the simmering expectation that envelops me as I step out of the mansion and snap my usual picture.
I wasn’t going to bother with the AirPods since Nikolai always removes them, sometimes not so nicely, but if I don’t wear them, then he’ll think it’s because of him.
Isn’t that the case?
I ignore the voice in my head as I put the music on pause, my heart beating faster the farther I get from the mansion.
This is the first time I’ve been excited about something and desired it with every fiber of my being. So much so that it’s starting to freak me out.
The first time I’ve considered taking the pain as long as I get the pleasure first.
At least, for a while.
My feet come to a halt when a large figure cuts in front of me and I remain still as he plucks both AirPods from my ears.
Nikolai is shirtless, which isn’t anything new. What is new, however, is the savage look in his eyes. His tone comes out sarcastic, though. “A very good day to you, lotus flower. Do you have anything to tell me?”
I swallow the dread that gathers in my throat as I speak in my calm voice. “No. Why should I?”
He takes a step forward and I take one back. If I don’t let him get close, everything will be fine.
Things only get worse after he touches me.
Nikolai stops and fingers his necklace, tugging on the bullet until I’m sure he’ll break the thing. “I clearly told you not to move last night, so why did you run away and ignore my texts?”
He texted? I’ve had my phone on Do Not Disturb since I got back to the house and only took it out to snap the picture just now. But before I can offer up the flimsy excuse, Nikolai runs his fingers through his loose hair.
“Your push-and-pull game was adorable the first few times, but you need to cut it out. Don’t make me do it for you. We both know my methods don’t agree with your proper manners.”
I suck in a deep breath. “Get out of my life, Nikolai.”
“The answer is no.”
“I want you gone.”
“It’s still no.”
“Do you have no pride?”
“What the fuck is that? Is it edible?”