“No,” he retorts like I’m crazy. “God, no. I didn’t sleep with her.”
“Did she say it was Kaleb’s?” Jake straightens, releasing his son.
“She didn’t have to,” I tell him, but I lock eyes with Kaleb.
If it’s his, I might learn to live with it, even though that means living with her in our lives.
If he knew about it all along, though…
“Say something,” I tell him. “Say something to me.”
Anything, please.
“Or write something, then,” I ask. “Tell me anything. Tell me you love me.”
He just stands there, though.
And I stop crying, my heart broken but not. Maybe it’s just not there anymore, because I draw in a deep breath, knowing someone will have his kids, but it will never be me. I can’t live in another house where someone I love won’t talk to me.
“We’re all set,” I hear a woman say from the kitchen.
It only takes a moment, but I blink away the tears and follow her into the shop, desperate to get away.
“Let’s get you ready,” she chirps.
I nod, pushing Kaleb and Cici out of my mind.
They change me into a pair of short jean shorts and a black off-the-shoulder top that shows my belly. I sit down to have my hair styled and my make-up done, Noah having accounted for everything when bringing people up here, I guess. I feel like I’m on one of my parents’ movie sets.
“Not too much,” the blue-haired photographer tells the make-up artist. “I want natural. I want her to look like someone the average guy can get into bed with.”
Someone clears their throat behind us.
“Kidding,” the lady quickly replies, and I guess Jake is standing behind me.
Then to the artist again, she says, “You catch my drift, though, right? Pretty, not porno.”
The man with short-cropped blond hair and tattoos on his fingers nods, blending concealer under my eyes, probably to get rid of the splotchiness from my crying.
The stylist fluffs my waves, sprays my hair, and I open my mouth, stretching my face, because I haven’t worn make-up in so long, it’s like cake on my face.
Noah pulls up a stool and plops down, waggling his eyebrows at me as the stylist moves to his head next.
“Keep Kaleb away from me,” I tell him in a low voice, but it’s more a beg.
“Sure.” He sighs. “I was in the mood to bleed today.”
I give him a sad smile. We finish readying, and I move, as if on auto-pilot. Mirai is flying in tonight, and whether or not she’ll recognize me is irrelevant. She’ll know things happened here, and I won’t blame her for not understanding. I don’t think I do myself anymore.
I’m hurt, but at least I’m leaving stronger than when I came.
“Noah?” the photographer named Juno calls.
I straddle the dirt bike, spotting Kaleb’s black T-shirt off to my left by the shop doors, but I don’t dare look. Noah climbs on the bike behind me, jeans and bare chest, because we’re supposed to look sexy as if this image is supposed to have any basis in reality. Motocross racers will probably laugh and pick apart our lack of proper attire and equipment, but sex sells, I’m told.
So here we go.
He fits behind me, placing his hands on my hips. Kaleb shifts off to my left, and I think Jake steps in, stopping him.
I lean back into Noah, the air hitting my bare stomach as I arch my back a little.
“Not too close,” someone tells Juno. “She’s his cousin.”
Noah snorts, his chest shaking against my back.
I clench my teeth. “It’s not funny.”
“It’s hilarious.”
I roll my eyes. I guess I should laugh, too, or I’ll cry. The cousins in this house are so much closer than they realize. My hips are the least of what Noah has touched.
Before I can stop myself, my gaze flashes to Kaleb. He leans against the doorframe, his arms crossed over his chest, and his expression more pained than I’ve seen it. He stares at us—at me—like something he’s already lost, and he hasn’t the slightest clue how to get back what he wants most in the world.
All he has to do is talk. Find a way to communicate.
I let my eyes fall as I cock my head to the side and turn it for a candid shot, because I can’t look at the camera in case I’ve ruined my mascara.
“I love that, Tiernan,” Juno coos. “You look amazing, honey.”
I rest my hands on my thighs, lifting my chin a little. I guess the point of this is to feature the young faces of Van der Berg Extreme, and Noah knew this wasn’t Kaleb’s thing. I’m glad it’s Noah behind me, though. He’s who I’m safe with.
“Look at him now,” Juno tells me.
My throat tightens, and I’m overwhelmed. I take some deep breaths, trying to get my head back in the game.
“Look at me, Tiernan,” Noah whispers.
Slowly, I look up, meeting his eyes over my shoulder.
The photographer snaps some shots.
“We’re not letting you go,” he murmurs to me, so no one else can hear. “This is family.”
I can’t help but smile. For better or worse, I’m not escaping them, am I? This is family.
They won’t run from me, and no matter what happens with Kaleb and me, I love Jake and Noah, too. They lend credence every day to what happened to me and to my need to be in this. They validated me when I had nothing.
Jake was holding onto his past and punishing himself, just like me. Noah had no one to talk to, just like me. Kaleb struggles to connect, because of his pain of being forgotten by someone who should’ve loved him enough never to forget.
Just like me.
They lend truth to the fact that I was lost, and it was okay to be hurt. We found each other, and no matter what anyone would say about what happened up here this winter, I’m the only one who needs to understand.
“Lean into him, Tiernan,” Juno instructs.
I do as she says and lean into Noah, looking up at him, a small grin I can’t help but feel spreading across my lips. He winks at me.
“That’s good.” A few more snaps go off. “Now, Noah, look off to the side and down.”
He hesitates, but finally, he looks away, looking like Kaleb as he stares off like the tortured hero.
“Oh, that’s great. You both look great!”
I slide off the bike and climb on behind him now, spreading my knees and placing my hands on his waist.
“Looking good,” Juno says, moving around us to take more shots.
I hear someone giggle and look up to see a few more people have arrived, racers and their girlfriends whom I vaguely remember hanging around the shop last fall.
One girl stands next to Kaleb and stares at him, looking nervous but smitten.
I gulp. At least he’s not paying her any mind.
“Now, Noah, off the bike,” Juno says. “Tiernan, I want you to lean forward and grab the handlebars. Noah, do the same from the other side, straddle the front wheel, and challenge each other. Kind of like siblings.”
Noah laughs again but follows orders. I scoot up in the seat, both feet on the ground, while Noah plants both legs on either side of the front wheel and leans into me, holding the handles.
“Tiernan, can you arch your back?” she asks.
I do, jutting out my butt a little more as the muscles in my thighs flex.
“More, honey.”
I sigh, trying to lean forward more and stick out my ass.
But Noah urges me further. “More,” he whispers. “Like you’ve got a man behind you.”
I arch an eyebrow. Leave it to him to make some sexual joke right now.
I dart my gaze to Kaleb, seeing his eyes crinkled at the edges as he watches us. The girl has moved away a step, but she’s still swooning.
No short supply of women to take his mind off me once I’m gone, I guess.