And then, he holds my eyes and drops the pills into the trash.
“Kaleb, no.” I dive down and snatch them back out.
He tries to pry them from my hand, but I keep hold. I rest my forehead against his mouth, closing my eyes and almost smiling. He wants us to have a baby. He wouldn’t be mad or feel trapped at all.
He wants me.
That’s all I wanted to know.
“I don’t want to leave you ever, but…” I look up at him. “We’re too young. We’re too… Too much shit we’ve been through. We’re not ready yet.”
He slowly tugs the pill more and more, and I struggle to keep hold of them.
“I love you,” I whisper. “We have our whole lives.”
He kisses me, his mouth moving stronger and deeper as he takes hold of my face with one hand and tries to pry the pills away with another. His tongue swirls like a cyclone down to my toes, and I whimper, my muscles going weak. I lose the pills and the next second I hear them drop into the trash again.
He wraps his arms around me, and I don’t realize he’s carrying me until he lays me on our bed upstairs.
He always gets his way. Damn him.
I make a mental note to go dig the pills out again before Jake burns the trash.
Kaleb and I stare at each other as he takes a bite of chicken and feeds me the other half of the piece. I sit in his lap at the table, trying to hide my smile, but he can’t, because he’s grinning like we have a secret.
Which we do. We’re not actually trying to get pregnant, are we? I haven’t dug the pills out yet, but leaving him is the last thing I want to do. It seems nice, the idea of building a family with him. He’s almost twenty-two. He seems ready for it all.
I let out a breath, eating a forkful of scrambled egg and loading up the utensil again, feeding him some. Breakfast is a hodgepodge of leftovers because we climbed back in bed this morning, and I didn’t have time for anything else.
I guess we’re technically not making a baby yet. I just started my period, and I can’t get pregnant for the next several days, anyway. I can still go back on my pill.
“Well, that’s it,” Jake says, strolling into the kitchen and whipping off his gloves, tossing them and his keys onto the counter. “The roads are open.”
A bike speeds off outside, and I guess that’s Noah, not wasting any time to go see his friends.
I drop my eyes, though, my stomach sinking a little. I’d rather have more winter. I look at Kaleb, seeing him watch me, and right now, I’m half-tempted to drag him into the garage, pack up the snowmobiles, and run to the fishing cabin. The snow up there will last for another month. Another blissful month of quiet.
“Where’s that woman sleeping tonight?” Jake asks.
He turns to face us with his coffee in his hand.
Oh, that’s right. We can’t escape to the cabin anyway. Now that the roads are clear, Mirai can stay here at the house tonight.
“My room.” I climb off Kaleb and clear our empty plate. “Thank you for…welcoming her,” I tell Jake.
He looks down at me, his eyes hooded in aggravation. “I’d rather have a few more months of winter.”
And he leaves, disappearing into the shop.
Yeah.
I agree.
Scooping out a hefty serving of Swedish Fish, I dump them in the white paper bag and close the container.
I have Peach Rings, cinnamon bears, gourmet jellybeans, and Spencer is boxing up some chocolate-covered almond clusters for me now.
I glance out the window, seeing Kaleb across the street, loading some lumber into the truck bed. He’s going to try to his hand at carpentry by making us a headboard, and I’m going to paint it.
I wish he hadn’t insisted on coming to town with me. After what happened at the bar on my birthday, it’s only a matter of time before the police—or the Motocross guys—get a whiff of his presence in town.
Some giggles go off near me, and I look over the jar of Hot Tamales to see a couple of young women by the retro-candy collection glancing at me and whispering. They round the aisle, their eyes dropping down my clothes, and then they laugh to themselves before leaving again.
I look down at myself, puzzled. I’m not dressed weird.
Although I am wearing Noah’s muddy old riding boots, and my jeans are a little dirty from chores this morning.
After Jake cleared the roads, we decided to get dressed, get our individual jobs done, and get to town. Best to rip off the Band-Aid quickly and get used to being in the world again. We met up with Noah for cheeseburgers, stocked up on gas in case another storm comes in, and hit the grocery store, loading up on all the fresh produce.
Kaleb went to the hardware store, and I detoured for candy.
I stare at my clothes. I’m not so out of place. Maybe less manicured than I was in September, but…
I look down at my nails, seeing the dirt underneath, and the little cuts on my hands from all the labor I’ve been up to over the winter.
Okay, I’m not manicured at all anymore. I catch myself in the mirror on the back of a shelf, seeing the loose threads in my dark blue cable knit sweater that also has a black stain from lying too close to a fire. My hair desperately needs a trim, and I’m tan from being outside, my freckles popping like never before.
I haven’t worn make-up or straightened my hair in months. Mirai won’t recognize me.
I laugh and head to the register.
“My mom told me to bring home a girl like you someday,” someone says.
I look over, setting my bag on the counter as a young guy approaches me. Spencer weighs my bag, and I study the stranger. He looks vaguely familiar. One of Noah’s friends?
“You’re their cousin, right,” he asks, leaning on the glass candy case. “Noah and Kaleb Van der Berg’s?”
I nod, seeing Spencer hand me the candy again. “I’ll put it on your tab,” he says.
I smile. My tab. Cool.
Turning my attention back to the guy, I hold out my hand. “Tiernan, hey.”
He shakes it. “Kenneth.” He stares at my face. “Would you like to get some pizza?”
Oh. Uh… I open my mouth to refuse, but then someone is there, pulling my hand away out of Kenneth’s. I look up to see Kaleb glaring down at the him, the blond guy standing up straight and drawing in a breath like he knows to back off.
Kaleb threads his fingers through mine and leads me away from the handsome young man, out the door, and across the street.
“He’s just flirting,” I tease.
Kaleb’s eyebrow cocks, and his lips twist to the side.
“I know, right?” I joke. “It’s hard work, guarding a beauty like me.”
He snorts, and I smile as we stop at the truck.
“I gotcha some candy worms.” I dangle the bag in front of him, but he’s not the least bit interested. Taking my face in his hands, he steals a kiss instead, and I revel in his smooth chin, jaw, and cheek. I love to kiss him. Especially when he’s clean-shaven.
“Come on. We’re going to be late,” I tell him, reaching for the door handle.
He moves to open the door for me but stops, his eyes rising and looking over my shoulder, the color draining from his face.
I follow his gaze.
Cici Diggins strolls past us, her steps slowing and her eyes locked on Kaleb.
But my stare falls to her stomach. Her pregnant stomach.
My lungs empty. No.
I jerk my eyes to Kaleb, seeing his jaw flex and his chest rise and fall in shallow breaths. How far along is she? We’ve been away from town for six months.
Unless she’s carrying twins, she’s farther along than that, which would mean…
Is it Kaleb’s?