I lower my belly to the snow, the chill seeping through my camo, and I throw her a warning look.
A little snarl curls her lips, but she lies down next to me, training her eyes on the buck through the foliage.
Her white hat covers the tips of her ears, but the lobes are red, as is the tip of her nose. She wears two low pigtails, and I can see her eyes glistening with tears.
Jesus Christ.
“You wanna know what that meat you buy nicely packaged in the grocery store went through before it came there?” I growl at her. “These animals have a hell of a lot better life than the meat you buy, girl, so wise up and feed your goddamn family.”
Her chin trembles as she stares at the animal, her jaw flexing. “I hate you.”
“Not as much as you’ll love food in your belly.”
She brings up the weapon, propping her elbows under her and looking through the line of sight.
She squeezes the trigger, small sobs escaping her.
She’s going to lose it. She’ll miss, because she can’t see through her tears, and the deer will bolt.
‘Tiernan,” I say. “Look at me.”
The cloudless blue sky and the smell of ice surrounds us, but even now, looking at her innocent face and perfect lips, I feel a light sweat cool my pores.
“Baby, look at me,” I tell her again softly.
She turns her head, her gray pools meeting mine.
I wipe a tear from her cheek. “If something happens to me—or the boys—I need to know you can survive up here.” I speak softly, swiping my thumb under her eye to catch another tear before it falls. “What we have in the pantry will only last so long. I need to teach you this, okay?”
She trembles but nods, looking so sweet and vulnerable. God, my heart aches.
I lean in, placing a kiss on her temple. “The thought of you unprotected kills me. Please do this.”
She swallows and takes a deep breath, calming her tears and breathing before lining up her sight again.
“Okay,” she whispers.
I watch her, not the buck, and I’m mesmerized. So innocent and pure. Untouched and just coming alive for the first time. Something so big is just contained under her surface, and I want to feel it all come apart in my arms. Tiernan is a pulse in the house.
She’s the pulse.
Maybe I was jealous that night I found Noah on top of her and Kaleb looking at her like a starved animal. Or maybe I was afraid of what this would do to her. We all wanted her before the snow, and now she’s a constant reminder that she is all we have to look at the whole winter. I worry that the line I walk on, whether or not we really need to go without something pretty all winter, is starting to blur. If it’s hard now, how hard will it be to resist her as the cold, dark, and lonely months wear on?
But really, I think what it ultimately comes down to is that I want her.
And I shouldn’t.
A shot pierces the air, and I blink, coming back to reality. She silently sobs as her head falls and her eyes close, and I grab my binoculars, searching the terrain for the deer.
“She got it!” Noah shouts.
Her breathing shakes as she quietly cries, and I know she’s done for the day. She won’t want to see it.
“Go get it,” I tell them. “Take it home. We’ll follow.”
The boys walk past, the snow crunching under their boots, and my body burns with the cold seeping through to my skin.
“I didn’t want to disappoint you,” she says, head bowed and staring at the ground.
“You didn’t.”
She jerks her head toward me, her fierce eyes piercing me. “I did it, because I didn’t want to disappoint you,” she explains. “Why do I care about pleasing you? I don’t want to please you.”
She looks away again, pulling off her hat and looking disgusted with herself.
Loose strands of her hair fall in her eyes, and I want to push them away.
My voice sounds strangled as I whisper. “Everything you do pleases me.”
I could blame her all I want. Her beauty, her scent, her laughter and fight, her eyes when she smiles and how she makes us a little happier, the way even a garbage bag would look good on her as she walks around my house, but honestly, it’s just what I said. Every day I’m losing the will to resist and hating myself for it.
And hating her more for being something I can’t have.
“It’ll be easier next time,” I tell her.
“There won’t be a next time.”
“Not unless you want to eat.”
She launches up and swings her fist, slamming me in the jaw as she growls. Pain shoots through my face, and the next thing I know, she’s pounding on me as she cries.
I turn my face away, trying to protect myself as I grab her wrists. Taking them both in my fists, I flip her over and come down on top of her, still feeling her body through the layers of clothes we wear.
She wiggles her hands free, struggling underneath me, and blood starts rushing to my groin as she squirms and moves.
“I hate you,” she gasps, hitting me. “I hate you. You’re a fucking joke.”
I snarl, trying to catch her flailing fists. You little bitch.
“My parents sent me to you because they hated me.” She tries to push me off her. “They wanted me to suffer, and you were the worst they could do to me.”
“Maybe…” I bite out, cutting her off. “Maybe they felt bad about what they took from me, so they gave me you.” I grip the back of her scalp and pull her up to my mouth. “A payment on their debt. That’s what you are, Tiernan. A fucking payment.”
Her body shakes as she looks up into my eyes, that same desperate passion I saw in the kitchen that night I first kissed her.
She whispers against my mouth, tears still thick in her voice, “A payment you’ll never collect, because you’re too old and bitter to spend it right.”
My eyes flare.
And my dick is rock hard.
I crush her mouth with mine, eating her breath and sucking her lips so hard she whimpers.
But she kisses me back. Fuck, yeah, she does.
I rip open her coat, stick my hand under her sweater and then under her shirt, filling my hand with her plump tit.
She moans, turning her head left and then right, biting and kissing my mouth in a frenzy as she rips open my hunting pants and sticks her hand down my jeans, grabbing my cock.
“Ah,” I groan, thrusting against her palm. “Tiernan.”
She pumps me, dipping her tongue into my mouth to taste and feed, and the world is spinning behind my eyelids. I want her in my bed. I want her now.
I press my forehead to hers, hugging her to me. She’s exquisite.
And ours. Fuck her father.
Our bodies start moving as I thrust into her hand and she rolls her hips to meet me, both of us panting and kissing until I’m ready to rip off her goddamn clothes, but it’s fucking freezing, and I can’t do this here. I don’t want to stop long enough to get her home, either.
“Fuck, man, watch your step,” Noah shouts, and I suck in a frigid breath.
She continues to trail kisses down my neck, but then she stops, both of us listening to the snow crunching with their steps.
Shit.
I let go of her breast and pull her shirt and sweater down before taking her hand off my dick. “Get in the fucking truck,” I bite out in a whisper.
I stand up, seeing Noah walking behind Kaleb who has the buck slung over his shoulders, and I immediately turn, fastening up my snow pants.
Fuck.
She should be one of theirs. Why did I stop them the other night? If I had let them go, this wouldn’t be happening.
Tiernan rises, and I take her gun and pick up my own, walking back to the trucks and feeling her follow me.
“We’ll follow,” I tell the boys as they unload the deer into the bed of the black Chevy. “Get started on that deer.”
“Yup,” Noah cheers, cracking open a beer as he strips off his outerwear.
I start the other truck, turning on the heater as Tiernan opens the back door across from me and pulls off her coat and hunting pants, tossing them into the bed.
I slam my door and round the truck, slipping off my coat and tossing it into the back with one hand and wrapping my other arm around her.
I squeeze her, breathing in her hair as I hide us on the other side of the cab, out of the boys’ view.
She turns around, sliding her hands under my shirt and up my stomach as I try to pull off her sweater.
“Yo, Tiernan!” Noah shouts.
I cock an eyebrow through the open door, at the frosted window. He can’t see us as I pull her sweater over her head, our bodies rubbing together as she unbuttons her flannel.
“Ride with us,” he calls. “We have beeeeeer.”
She pants, staring at my mouth, and I grab her hips, crushing her body to mine.
“They can take me home,” she whispers over my lips. “If you want.”
I groan, my fucking cock stretching painfully inside my pants.