My body was constricted between his arms in back of me and his torso in front. His grip was tight, enough to keep me still but not enough to hurt. I tried to twist and wiggle my way free, but he only jerked me harder against him and tightened his hold.
“Jared, let me go.” I tried to make my voice sound forceful, but with the struggle, my strength had dwindled.
His eyes met mine, our faces less than an inch away from each other. Several moments passed as he held me, trying to stare me down.
But it didn’t work.
Once my gaze met his, it was impossible to look away. His eyes were like the cover of a book—giving you hints but not the whole story. And I wanted to know the story. If I searched his eyes long and hard enough, maybe what I craved would seep out.
Damn it!
Even with the liquor on his breath, he smelled incredible. Like some kind of bodywash that I wanted to wrap myself up in forever. My thighs were cold where his wet pants rubbed, but the rest of me was on fire. Heat spilled from the pores on my neck, and a drop of sweat glided between my br**sts where my chest touched his. Dizziness fogged my head with the pressure he was putting between my legs.
Our breathing matched up, and his expression was no longer angry.
He spoke shakily, almost sadly. “You f**ked me up today.”
I assumed he was talking about the monologue. “Good,” I bit out.
He jerked me again. “You wanted to hurt me? Did you get off on it? It felt good, didn’t it?”
Was he talking about me or him?
I tried to keep my face even, but my body tingled everywhere. His scent was all around me as he leaned in. Our bodies were melting together, our lips were so close. When I felt him harden between my legs, I squeezed my eyes shut, too afraid of why I wasn’t struggling anymore.
Taking a deep breath, I opened my eyes and stared boldly at him, my pulse throbbing in my ears.
He’s nothing to me. Nothing.
“No, I didn’t get off on it,” I answered calmly. “I feel nothing. You are nothing to me.”
He flinched. “Don’t say that.”
The heat from his mouth wafted around me as I leaned in. “Nothing,” I repeated, barely a whisper. “Now, get off—“
His mouth crashed down on mine, drowning out my protest.
His lips devoured me, hard and fast, like I was being eaten alive. His tongue dived into my mouth, and I let it, needing to feel all of him. The pulsing sensation in my core quickened, and I wrapped my legs around his waist before I closed my eyes, savoring the release.
I tried to think, but I couldn’t. I didn’t want to. All the years that we’d been apart filled this one moment.
He released my arms, threading one hand roughly through my hair and the other gripping my ass. Pulling my h*ps harder against his, he assaulted my mouth like he was starving. He sucked on my bottom lip and then turned his attention to my jaw and neck in hot, frenzied kisses. A legion of butterflies took flight in my stomach, and I moaned with the pleasure.
And I kissed him back.
Oh, my God! I was kissing him back!
“Jared,” I gasped out. He should stop. We should stop. But I forgot why.
I was lost.
I tightened my legs around his waist and grasped his wet hair, holding him to me, while he sucked on my neck. His left hand ran down my thigh, and I brought his lips back up to mine again, needing more. Pressure was building as he pressed our centers together. He groaned, and I didn’t want him to stop. Ever.
When he bent his head to nibble under my ear, images of him and K.C. in the hall yesterday flashed through my mind.
This is what she felt.
Everything came flooding back. My eyes popped open as realization dawned.
He hurt me.
He hated me.
“Jared, stop.” My tone was meant to be stronger, but it only sounded desperate. He ignored me as he kissed and lightly bit my shoulder, while his hand moved underneath my shirt.
“Jared! I said ‘stop!’” Putting my hands on his chest, I pushed him away. He stumbled back a few steps, breathing hard and eyeing me like an animal.
Too far.
Jumping off the sink ledge, I nearly ran out of the kitchen and the house. It felt like steam coming off my skin as the cool rain hit my arms and legs outside. My heart was nearly beating out of my chest as I made it to my front porch.
What are you doing?! I screamed to myself.
A hollow ache settled in my stomach, and a horrible void filled my arms where he’d just been. I’d let him kiss me. And feel me.
And I’d done the same to him.
I tried to catch my breath. How could I have let that happen? It was like I hadn’t even been in control! I knew what we were doing was crazy, but the feel of him made me forget everything. Even now, my body still craved him, and I hated that. Shame burned my skin where he’d touched me.
Jared always calculated his moves. Did he plan this? This was lower than I thought he’d ever go. He was probably in there laughing at me right now, knowing that he’d gotten my pride.
A thousand questions filled my head, but I pushed them away. No. One thing was certain: Jared couldn’t be trusted. He hadn’t even begun to make amends, and I was nauseous with humiliation.
That wouldn’t happen again.
Chapter 20
I rushed from one class to another the next day. My heart was in my throat—knowing that at any minute I could run into Jared—so I kept my eyes focused straight ahead. Literally.
All through French class it had been almost impossible to keep my mind off last night. His hands, his lips, his…
Nope. Not going there.
I had liked it. That much I was willing to admit. But why did he kiss me if not to prove that he could? And why the hell did I let him?!
I’d decided to treat it as a drunken move on his part, and an emotional breakdown on mine.