His breath was hot against my throat as he licked the spot over my pulse point, then drew the skin into his mouth and suckled. I bit down on my lower lip, hoping the pain would calm me. He released my skin, then let his nose brush my throat up to the spot behind my ear. He let go of my breast and a low sound of protest pressed out between my lips. Growl purred deeply and the sound made me tremble in delight. His palm cupped my cheek and he angled my face toward his, then crushed his lips against mine. His tongue conquered my mouth. He tasted of fresh coffee and his mouth was unbelievably hot, everything about him was.
He dropped his hand from my face and returned it to my breast, continuing his ministrations. My nipple felt almost raw from his twisting but it felt too thrilling, too good to ask him to stop. A second finger joined the first. I exhaled, getting used to the fullness again, but Growl didn’t give me much time. He established a fast, hard rhythm. He claimed my mouth and breasts and pussy, my whole body. My legs began shaking as the pressure built higher and higher, and then I exploded. Waves of lust spread through my body from my core. I arched off the sofa, and cried into Growl’s mouth. He pushed his fingers even harder into me and gave a final tug of my breast. I sacked against him, completely spent and breathless.
Growl pulled his hand away and a sense of cold overcame me at the lack of his touch, but Growl appeared beside the sofa. He unzipped his pants and let them slide down his legs. His erect cock sprang free, already glistening. He cupped the back of my head and I let him guide me toward his cock, parting my lips as his tip brushed them. Growl held me in place as he fucked my mouth slowly. I knew he liked it like that, but suddenly the desire to have more control overcame me and I pushed backwards. The grip on the back of my head tightened briefly but then he released me, confusion flashing across his face before it was replaced by a neutral expression. The moment he dropped his hand from my head, giving me free, I leaned forward and took him into my mouth again. Surprise filled his eyes, then pure desire. I swirled my tongue around his tip, then pulled back again to run my tongue from his base up to his tip. I curled my fingers around his length and moved it up and down slowly, trying to figure out how to move. Growl watched me as I licked over his balls. They tightened and a new drop appeared at the tip of his cock, emboldening me even further. One of my hands cupped his hard ass. The muscles flexed under my palm. The feeling of his strength gave me a thrill. How could his power intimidate me in every other situation but turn me on the moment we had sex?
I shut off my brain. I didn’t want to think, only wanted to feel. Sex was the only time when I felt something akin to freedom and happiness. Maybe it was wrong, but I was determined to cling to anything that helped me through the near future. I pumped his length fast and worked the tip between my lips. Soon Growl started to pump slightly, driving himself deeper into my mouth. I let him and then he tensed, letting out a guttural sound. I tried to swallow everything but a few drops ran down my chin. I quickly wiped them off. Growl hoisted me to my feet and claimed my mouth for another kiss. I kissed him back, wanting him to taste himself like I did. When he pulled back, we were both panting and sweating.
Growl let go of my shoulders and took another step back, just like that building the wall between us again. “Let’s have breakfast. I’m starving.” His voice was even deeper than usual. His eyes held mine for a couple of seconds more. He wanted to say something, it was clear on his face, but then he turned around and headed for the kitchen. I wasn’t even sure what I was hoping for exactly. Sometimes I wasn’t sure what I wanted. In the beginning everything had been about making Growl trust me so I could use him for my purposes, but now there was more.
I shouldn’t wait for something that was never going to happen. And what was even more important: I shouldn’t long for something that was so wrong. I couldn’t allow myself to forget why I was here, even if pretending made life easier. But I was a prisoner. Growl practically owned me, and even if he ever decided to let me go, which I doubted he’d ever do, no one in our world would touch me after I’d been with Growl, much less marry me. I was stained. Not fit for a good match anymore. I could never return to society. Las Vegas was dead for me. I leaned back against the sofa. A wave of loneliness was about to claw its way out of my chest again.
I caught Coco watching me. She looked confused. “I don’t understand any of this either,” I whispered. She tilted her head to the side. A small smile tugged at my lips at her confusion.
I pushed to my feet. I wasn’t going to drown in self-pity. It wasn’t like I needed or wanted Growl’s affection or closeness. Sex was a means to an end. It helped me feel better and it helped me understand Growl better. If I wanted a chance at manipulating him into letting me go and helping my family, I’d have to use any tricks I had.
Growl
My dogs didn’t like humans. Even I had to fight a long time for them to trust me. But Cara, they seemed to love her. If dogs were even capable of that kind of emotion. I was certain that the majority of humans weren’t either. They liked the idea of love, but never reached that level with someone.
Love. A silly notion. And dangerous. Horrible things had been done in the name of love. Or the idea of it.
I didn’t think I’d ever felt anything like it. At least I couldn’t remember. Perhaps I’d loved my mother when I’d been a small kid. I’d gotten a scar for it.
Love.
It wasn’t something I could comprehend.
Cara. That woman.
I felt something. But I didn’t know what it was. I’d never felt like this before.
She made me want to treat her right. She made me want to be better. She made me want so many things I shouldn’t want.
She was dangerous to me, to the life I’d built, to the person I’d become.
She wanted me to go against Falcone, against everything I’d worked so hard to achieve. That was why she let me touch her and why she sometimes smiled at me, why she talked to me and accepted my closeness. There could be no other explanation.
I knew that, and still I was like a moth drawn to her light. The only light that had ever penetrated the darkness that was me and my life.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Cara
“There’s something you should know.” Growl leaned against the kitchen counter as he so often did. He wasn’t tense but his gaze worried me. Something told me I wouldn’t like what he had to say.
“Ok,” I said slowly. “What is it?” So many horrible things had happened in the last few weeks, there wasn’t much left that could devastate me, and then fear struck me. “Is it about my mother or sister? Has Falcone decided he doesn’t need them anymore?”
Growl frowned as if he couldn’t imagine how I could have drawn that conclusion. Perhaps worry for others was something entirely foreign to him.
“No,” he growled. “It’s about your fiancé.”
“I doubt he is still my fiancé,” I muttered. Who would want me after everything that had happened? I was a pariah in our society.
Growl’s frown deepened. “He’s not. You’re right.”
His gaze was starting to unsettle me, which was surprising considering that in the beginning everything about him had unsettled me. Apparently now I needed an additional reason to feel uncomfortable in his presence. “Good,” I said firmly. “I wouldn’t want to marry him anyway.”
Doubt crossed Growl’s face. “Why?” he rumbled. There was something in his voice I couldn’t quite place.
I huffed. “Why? Do you really need to ask?”
Growl remained silent, that same stoic expression on his face.
“He betrayed my father to better his own position. He betrayed my family. He betrayed me. I don’t want a man like that: a man who is selfish, who doesn’t care whom he hurts to reach his goals. I don’t want a man I can’t trust. He’s a pig, and I wish I could spit in his face.”
“You will get your chance,” Growl said.
I paused. “What do you mean?”
Growl ignored my question. “What I need to tell you is that Cosimo and your friend are going to marry.”
I wasn’t sure I’d heard correctly. “My friend?”
“That Anastasia girl. Falcone told me last night. They announced their engagement yesterday.”
I couldn’t move. If this was a nightmare, I wanted to wake now. “Are you sure?”
Grown nodded. “Cosimo has a position of power now. He needs a wife and an heir.”
I laughed bitterly. “Didn’t take him long to find a new woman to marry.” I hated how the news made me feel. Despite my hate for Cosimo, I felt crushed. Not because I wanted to marry him, but because this made my life as it was now even more of a reality. There was no going back. Change was irrevocable. And Anastasia, how could she do this? I’d always known that Anastasia could be vicious and selfish, but we’d been friends since we could walk. We’d experienced so many things together. Didn’t that mean anything? How could my friend do this? Had Anastasia known about everything? Had she perhaps already known at Falcone’s party? Perhaps that explained why she’d looked so pissed when I had danced with Cosimo.
No, it couldn’t be.
I didn’t want to believe that my friend wouldn’t have warned me. It seemed cruel. Crueler than what Anastasia was capable of. She liked to trash talk and destroy people’s reputation, but this was a different matter.
Maybe Anastasia was a victim. Maybe her parents and Falcone had forced her to marry my former fiancé now that I wasn’t eligible anymore. After all, Anastasia was the same age as me and from a good family. I wanted to believe that, but the look Cosimo and Anastasia had exchanged at the party flashed in my mind. There had been something like familiarity between them. Or was I reading too much into it now that I knew of their engagement? I wasn’t in the right state of mind to think clearly, so I pushed the image away. I wasn’t able to bear the idea of my friend’s horrible betrayal. Not as long as I didn’t know all the facts. There was no sense in driving myself insane going over all the possibilities.
Growl was still watching me. I wasn’t sure how long I’d been lost in my thoughts and I hoped my face hadn’t given away too much of my inner turmoil. “This doesn’t concern me anymore,” I said. “It’s not like I’m still part of their circle.”
“Why would you say that?”
Was he serious? “Oh come on. Even you must realize what’s going on in our society. Even if you don’t care about any of it. There are rules. And I was as good as exiled.”
“Because you’re with me.” Was there hurt in his voice? His constant growl made it even harder to hear the nuances of his emotions.
I pursed my lips. Had I offended him? “With you?” I asked curiously. “You make it sound like we’re a couple when I’m only your gift.”
Growl nodded. “You were. But now that you’re mine, you have the same status that I have.”
“That’s not true,” I said, frustrated at his lack of understanding. Did he really think that any part of the life I’d had before could survive? I had made the best of my fate but that didn’t mean I’d have chosen it.
Growl looked as frustrated as I felt but I didn’t care. I didn’t have the energy to explain anything to him. Sometimes his deficiency to grasp human relationships drove me insane.
“Maybe you aren’t as special as you were before,” Growl said, the word special like a curse from his lips. “But you are part of this world.”
I glared at the counter. “I don’t want to be part of this world anymore.”
“That’s not up to you. We’re invited to Cosimo’s and your friend’s engagement party,” Growl said.
My breath hitched and my eyes flew up to look at Growl. “You can’t be serious.”
He stared. He obviously wasn’t joking.
“I’m not going,” I said, my voice shaking. Coco trotted toward me and rested her head on my knee. I put my palm atop her soft head but it didn’t manage to calm me. Even Bandit had come from the living room to watch me with curious eyes.
“Yes, you are. Falcone wants us there, so we will be there.”
“I don’t care what he wants. I hate him. And he only wants to humiliate me anyway. Everyone knows that Cosimo was my fiancé and that Anastasia is…was my friend. They will all laugh at me.”
I could only imagine the humiliation I would be subjected to. I didn’t think I could stand it.
“Nobody will laugh at you when I’m at your side,” he said in a low voice. His expression was deadly, a threat but not to me.
I paused. “Why do you even care?”
“You’re mine, and I won’t let anyone talk shit about something that belongs to me.”
Of course. It was an ego thing. He didn’t care about me. He only wanted to make sure people showed him the necessary respect and that included respecting his belongings. I wanted to scream in frustration but I bit it back. This party was my chance to ask my friends for help. We’d known each other practically all our lives. Now that Growl had made it clear that he wouldn’t help me against Falcone, they were probably my last chance.
* * *
I’d dreaded this day since Growl had told me two days ago, but I promised myself to hold my head high. I was stronger than I used to be. I would get through this party. I no longer needed my friends’ approval, or anyone’s for that matter.
Growl stood in the living room, tugging at his white dress-shirt collar with one hand while a tie tangled from the other.
It was obvious how uncomfortable he felt dressed up like that. It wasn’t who he was. Putting him in a suit was like putting a tiger in a cage. On Falcone’s party he’d hid his discomfort behind a mask of indifference but now in a moment where he thought himself alone, his defenses were down. It wasn’t the first time I’d seen a glimpse of something human. It was disconcerting because I didn’t want to see him as anything but a monster. It made things easier. I didn’t want to risk actually hoping for something that was absolutely unrealistic.
Growl put his tie around his neck and then fumbled for a minute with both ends until he made a sound of frustration and threw the tie on the ground. That was probably why he hadn’t worn a tie at the last party. A small smile tugged at my lips and I stepped forward. “Do you need help?”
Growl’s eyes darted toward me, looking caught. Then they slowly slid down the length of me. Only moments before I’d felt bad because the dress wasn’t new, because everyone would knew I’d worn it before, but now, with the way Growl was looking at me that suddenly didn’t matter anymore.
I quickly looked away, scared about the way his expression mattered to me, and pointed at the tie on the ground.
“Can you do a tie?” he asked with a hint of surprise.
“Of course,” I said as I walked toward him. His eyes followed every move. I often had trouble reading his expressions, but now there was no need for guessing: lust and appreciation. It sent a thrill through my body.
“You look like a lady,” he rasped.