I jerked my head back, panting and glared at him. I hated him. Hated him for who he was, but worse for what he’d made me feel. For the barest moment I’d allowed myself to drown in the kiss because it managed to make me forget everything, helped me drown out the sadness and fear and worry. And in that short instant, it had felt wondrous and good. So good, that my body had tingled and I’d felt it in my fingertips and toes. Everywhere. It was wrong. God, so wrong. Like the man in front of me.
I wiped my mouth and then just like that the tingling was gone and what was left was revulsion. “Don’t touch me,” I hissed. “Ever again.”
He smiled humorlessly. “Why?”
“Because you repulse me. You are a monster and I don’t want your hands on me, not when they’re covered in blood.”
Growl
Emotions, I’d never quite understood them. Most people had too many, and showed them even more willingly. Especially women seemed too unconcerned about showing that part of themselves. Cara was no different. Hate, it had been plain on her face.
She hated me.
Everyone did.
She feared me.
Everyone did.
I was used to that kind of reaction to myself. I didn’t care.
I wasn’t a smart man; not even close to being as smart as her. I knew it, and maybe that made me smarter than most of Falcone’s men. I knew my limitations, felt them every day and accepted them, but never let them stop me. But despite my lack of smarts, I knew that Cara wasn’t really a reward for me. That wasn’t why she’d been given to me. Of course, she was a reward, was the greatest gift someone like me could hope for, was more than someone as dark and dirty deserved, but that wasn’t why Falcone had made her my gift.
This wasn’t a reward for me, it was a punishment for her and her father. And of course, I was a true punishment. I knew that, and maybe I should have felt revolted, should have felt guilty, should have refused a gift like that, but I wasn’t that kind of man, and that was why Falcone had chosen wisely.
I was the punishment no one deserved, least of all her. But now that I had her, Cara, my gift, I would never let her go. The kiss, it had given me a taste of what was to come, of Cara, and damn, she’d tasted sweet with a hint of bitterness from the coffee. Sweeter than any woman I’d kissed, but there hadn’t been many and my last kiss was a long time ago. I didn’t like to kiss the whores. Not because they took other men’s cocks into their mouth, though that bothered me, too, if I was perfectly honest with myself, but mostly because it was too intimate. I’d never understood the value of kissing, when sex and a blowjob brought quicker satisfaction, but since the first time I’d seen Cara’s pink lips, I’d wondered how it would be to kiss her. In the beginning it had been a ridiculous fantasy, one that would never come true, but then it had become a possibility.
I stared down at her furious face, and the hard set of her lips. I wanted to kiss her again, taste her again, but I had learned to control my desires. The way she looked at me now, reminded me of the first time we’d met, of the looks every woman in society gave me. I stepped back before my anger could get the better of me like it had last time. I didn’t have time for another visit with Lola. And if I was being honest, it hadn’t been as satisfying with her as usual.
I could take Cara. I wanted her. She was mine.
She was mine.
But I couldn’t imagine treating her like I treated Lola. Not just because Cara wouldn’t react the way I wanted but also because I didn’t like the idea of treating her that way. She was too precious. She was a present I was reluctant to unwrap.
I backed away from her and took up my phone again. Falcone wanted to see me in the afternoon. I doubted the man had a real job for me. Falcone wanted to hear gruesome details of what I had done to Cara.
I glanced her way. She still sat on the counter where I’d put her but she’d crossed her legs protectively and was watching me cautiously. Even like that, she managed to look graceful and ladylike, and absolutely out of place in my house.
Perhaps Falcone hadn’t just meant me as a punishment for Cara. Perhaps he’d also hoped to put me in my place, to show me that despite my years of service, I still wasn’t worthy.
CHAPTER TEN
Cara
My lips were still tingling from his kiss despite the disgust and anger toward Growl. He backed away slowly, with an expression I could not decipher. I hopped off the counter, wanting to get out of this compromising situation, and froze with fear when both dogs jumped up from where they’d rested in the corner of the kitchen.
The only dog I’d ever had closer contact to over the years had been Anastasia’s Chihuahua that she’d bought after it became an essential fashion item according to the magazines she perused. But that dog had been the size of a guinea pig with teeth barely strong enough to scratch one’s skin. These dogs, however, were monstrous in size and most likely character—like their master. I sucked in my breath and backed up against the counter again. There was nowhere else I could go, and the way they were watching me, they would probably follow me anyway. My heartbeat fastened and I seized up completely.
The dogs didn’t move either but they looked tense as if they were ready to lunge at me if I moved the wrong way. Growl gave me a look that made it clear he thought I’d lost my mind, but he obviously wasn’t someone I trusted when it came to judging the danger and monstrosity of his dogs.
“If you act scared, you’ll make them suspicious,” he said like I was a child.
I glared at him. His words only worsened my fear and made me tense even more. Growl set down his coffee again and watched me like he was trying to figure something out. My own eyes darted between him and his dogs.
Growl stalked toward me, his arm coming my way. I flinched away, expecting a punch.
He looked frustrated as he froze with his arm in midair and the lack of understanding on his face grew even more.
“What are you doing?” he rumbled, slowly lowering his muscled arm. There were more scratches on his upper arm I noticed now. I was pretty sure they couldn’t all come from me. A red dot began spreading on his bandages slowly, and I grimaced. Growl lowered his gaze to his injured forearm and blew out a breath. “You are a lot of trouble,” he said merely. He raised his eyes to mine. I couldn’t read his expression.
“Maybe you should go see a doctor,” I said instead of the nasty comeback I had in mind. So far Growl had been more civil than I’d thought possible and I couldn’t risk provoking him into a change of mood.
“I don’t need doctors. I stitched the wound up myself. I’ve done it before. But you cut me pretty deep and I shouldn’t move the arm so much.”
I’d thought I’d barely left a mark on him with the knife from his reaction yesterday, but he was probably too careful to show the extent of his injury during a fight. Although, to call the short struggle between us a fight was laughable.
“Why did you shy back?” he asked. I’d hoped he’d forgotten about my reaction to his approach.
I shrugged and turned my attention back to the dogs watching us. They still hadn’t moved from their spots at the end of the kitchen, except that the black one had sat down. “I thought you were going to hit me,” I said eventually.
Silence followed, until I couldn’t stand it anymore and lifted my gaze to find Growl staring at me with blatant confusion.
“Oh come on,” I muttered, growing angry, despite my best intentions not to provoke him, but his shock was ridiculous. “Don’t act like that’s impossible. I saw you yesterday. I saw you kill a man with your bare hands by twisting his neck.”
“Where were you? I didn’t see you anywhere.”
“In the closet.”
Growl nodded. “He was the enemy.”
“And I’m not?”
For some reason he seemed closer than before, and his scent finally registered with me. Not of sweat and blood and death like last night but fresh and musky. It seemed too normal for someone like him.
“No. Enemies need eliminating because they mean danger, and often death. You don’t.”
“I tried to kill you last night,” I said indignantly.
He didn’t say anything, and that was worse than an insult.
I crossed my arms. I was starting to tire of this conversation, of the situation, of everything. I closed my eyes but the moment I did, images from last night came back up and I quickly opened them again.
I really wished Growl would stop watching me with that intent expression. He looked like an explorer who’d discovered a new species. “What’s going to happen now?” I asked quietly.
“I have work to do and you’ll stay here and watch TV.”
I laughed. Had he misunderstood me on purpose? “That’s not what I meant. Will you keep me locked up here until I die or you grow tired of me?”
“I haven’t given it much thought yet. I didn’t know Falcone would give you to me or I would have made plans,” he said.
Plans for my captivity, how considerate. “So what now?” Everything seemed so meaningless. My life had never been free. There had been rules and expectations, but now I had no choices at all.
“I will go to work and you will stay here.”
I gave up. Either he couldn’t or he didn’t want to understand me. “Will you take them with you?” I nodded toward the dogs.
Growl shook his head. “They will stay here with you.”
Their white teeth drew my attention toward them. “Are you sure they won’t tear me apart?”
Growl turned to his dogs. “Coco, Bandit.”
They didn’t hesitate. They waggled toward him, then sat down and looked up at him in adoration. “They are well-trained,” he explained. “You can come closer.”
I nodded, but didn’t move from my spot against the kitchen counter. The way they were panting, I got a good look at the size of their teeth.
He frowned. “You’ll have to get used to them. You’ll spend a lot of time with them in the future, and I won’t always be around to help you.”
The idea of him being helpful to me was ludicrous. I certainly wasn’t eager for his presence.
“If you want to touch them, you should always give them the chance to smell you first. At least, until they know you better. They are distrustful dogs. Most people haven’t given them much reason to be trustful.” He held his hand in front of Coco’s, then Bandit’s nose before he patted their heads. “If they move back, let them. Don’t try to pet them if they don’t want you to.”