I focused on Lily’s sweetness, until she finally came apart, stifling her moans in my pillow. I wished I could hear her cry out without restraint, without the fear of getting caught. One day. One day, I’d really make her mine. I’d figure out a way.
I pulled my fingers out and sat back, relishing the sight of her heaving chest as she enjoyed the aftermath of her orgasm. Slowly her eyes opened and she smiled. Damn it. That smile got me every time. I bent over her and kissed her, then I reached for the drawer in my nightstand and grabbed a condom.
Lily watched me, and the briefest flicker of nervousness crossed her face.
I paused. “Are you sure you want to do this?” I wanted to shoot myself for asking. I wanted nothing more than to be in her, to make her mine, to feel her walls around my cock. Why did I have to act all noble? Who was I kidding?
She licked her lips in the most torturous way possible and whispered, “Yes, I want you.”
Thank God. I kissed her lips again. I slid off the bed and got out of my underwear. My cock strained to attention. I quickly rolled the condom over it before I climbed back on the back. This wasn’t the first time Lily had seen me naked, but today there was a flicker of anxiety on her face when she watched my cock. I moved between her legs, letting my fingers trace the soft skin of her thighs.
There was only trust in her eyes. I didn’t deserve that much trust from her, and yet I fucking loved seeing it on her face. I supported my weight on my elbows and started kissing her gently. The tip of my cock rested lightly against her wet heat. I wanted to bury myself in her and it took every ounce of self-control to stay still and wait for her to relax under me. I hooked my hand under her thigh and pulled her legs wider apart. I looked deeply into her eyes, then I shifted my hips and started to push into her. I didn’t take my eyes off of her as I inched into her tight heat, working the tip in. She felt so fucking amazing. Tight and warm and wet, and I just wanted to push into her to the hilt. Instead I focused on Lily’s eyes, on the way she trusted me to make this good for her, to take care of her and be careful. Her face flashed with more than discomfort when I wasn’t even halfway in. I paused but her fingers on my shoulders tightened. “Don’t stop,” she said quickly.
“I won’t,” I promised. Stopping was the last thing I wanted to do but if I didn’t go slowly she might tear. I traced my lips over her temple, then I pushed further into her until I reached her barrier. I didn’t tell her it would hurt. She’d only tense. I pushed the rest of the way into her and her walls squeezed my cock tightly as she gasped against my mouth. I didn’t move.
Lily’s face was contorted in pain. It took me a moment to realize what was happening, what I’d done. I’d taken what wasn’t mine to take. It was unforgivable in our world, regardless of the fact that Lily had given it to me without reservation.
“It’s okay,” I murmured. “This was the worst part.” At least, I hoped it had been. She felt so tight around me, I was worried if I started moving, I’d make things only worse for her, but I couldn’t stay in her like that forever. And I really wanted to move, wanted to lose myself in her. “Lily?”
She gave me a shaky smile. “I’m okay. It’s not as bad as it was.”
That wasn’t really something a guy wanted to hear from the girl he was with. I wanted to make her feel good but I knew it would be difficult during her first time. Even though I wanted nothing more than to move, I decided to stay as I was and kiss her for a while. My cock screamed in protest.
“You can really move,” she whispered. And that was everything it took. I withdrew almost all the way before I slowly slid back into her.
She exhaled, fingers digging into my back. I slowed even further and tried to go not quite as deep and soon Lily’s body loosened under me. I made love to her like that for a long time, and when she responded with the first hesitant moan, I wanted to fucking scream in triumph. But I couldn’t last forever, not with the way her walls clamped around me and I had a feeling she wasn’t going to come. Next time she would. And there would be a next time, I knew that now. When it came to Lily, I couldn’t resist temptation.
I sped up even more until I felt my balls tighten, then my cock before I released into her. I held Lily tightly as I rocked my hips desperately, filling the condom with my cum as I stifled groans. Then I stilled.
She closed her eyes and rested her forehead against my chest.
“Are you okay?” I murmured.
She nodded, but didn’t say anything. I pulled back slightly and tilted her face up, worried she was crying, but she merely looked exhausted and happy.
Relief washed over me. I pulled out of her slowly and removed the condom. Before I thrust it into the trash bin, I caught sight of the blood on it.
For some reason it took that image for reality to sink in. Fuck. What had I done?
“Romero?” Lily whispered. I lay down beside her and pulled her into my arms. She didn’t need to know my thoughts. I didn’t want her to worry.
It didn’t take long for her to fall asleep but I lay awake for hours. Eventually I slipped out of bed and walked toward the window. I stared out toward the ocean for a long time. Regret wasn’t a useful emotion. You couldn’t undo the past. I turned back to the bed.
Lily lay curled up under the blanket, only her beautiful hair and peaceful face peeking out. She was deep asleep. I needed to wake her soon, so she could return to her own room. The sky outside the window was already starting to turn gray. Soon Luca and Matteo would get up and it would be too risky if Lily were still in my room then. I should have sent her away immediately afterward for her own safety, but I didn’t have the heart to do it, and I didn’t want to see her go so soon after what we’d done.
“Fuck,” I muttered. So far everything Lily and I had done had been risky but untraceable, but this, this could destroy Lily’s reputation and even start a war. Taking Lily’s virginity had been a selfish thing to do. I knew better. I knew the rules. I’d learned to make reasonable decisions over the years, to make decisions that were good for the Famiglia, but today I’d ignored my duty and my promise to Luca. He and I were as close to friends as he could allow with him being my Capo but I knew he’d have to act if he found out what I’d done.
Lily sighed in her sleep and turned around. The blankets moved with her and the pink spot on the sheets became visible. I closed my eyes. Fuck. This was supposed to happen on her wedding night. But I knew that Rocco Scuderi would never give Lily’s hand to me in marriage. I was only a fucking soldier. Respected and honorable, but a soldier nevertheless. Despite my guilt over having taken Lily’s virginity, I knew I would do it again. I’d wanted to make her mine for so long, and this was the only way I could. At least now a part of her belonged to me, at least she’d never forget our night together, but I also knew it wasn’t enough. I didn’t want Lily to have only the memory of our shared night for the rest of her days, I wanted to remind her of the pleasure I could give her every night, I wanted to taste her, smell her, feel her every fucking night. I wanted to have her fall asleep in my arms and wake up next to me in the morning. I wanted to make her mine for everyone to know, but there was no way in hell I could do this without betraying Luca and the Famiglia even more.
Luca treated me like a brother but if I did this, if I went against the Outfit by claiming Lily officially, he’d have to put me down like a rabid dog for the good of the Famiglia.
With a sigh, I walked toward the bed and bent over Lily. I brushed her hair away from her face. “Lily, you need to wake up,” I whispered.
Her eyelids fluttered and she turned on her back. The blankets slipped away, revealing her perfect breasts. Her nipples puckered at the cool air in the room and my cock stirred in response. I leaned over her. She even still smelled like me. Fuck. I was already getting hard again. She opened her eyes and gave me a sleepy smile. Happiness and trust shone on her face. Didn’t she realize that I’d destroyed her life last night?
A light blush appeared on her cheeks under my scrutiny. I kissed her forehead. “You need to leave,” I said.
She froze, eyes filling with insecurity. “Did I do something wrong last night?”
Good Lord. I wanted to stab myself with my fucking knife. I was such an asshole. I should have never let it come to this. Lily was a good girl and I’d ruined her. I kissed the spot below her ear, then her cheek. “No, you did nothing wrong, honey.”
She relaxed and lifted her hand to the back of my head, looking hopeful. “Can we snuggle a bit?”
She sounded fucking vulnerable. Of course she wanted closeness after last night, and I wanted it too, but it was getting light outside, but the way she was looking at me I couldn’t tell her “no.” I slipped under the blankets and she pressed up against me. Her naked skin brushed mine, and all of my senses sprang to life. I pushed my lust down. This wasn’t the time. I stroked her hair. “Are you okay?”
She nodded against my shoulder. “I’m a bit sore.” She sounded embarrassed.
I pressed a kiss against her temple and I wasn’t sure why I said it because it definitely didn’t make things easier but it slipped out, “I love you.”
And by God, it was the truth. I loved Lily, even though I knew our love was doomed.
She sucked in a breath before whispering, “I love you too.”
I was digging my grave and hers too, only because I couldn’t control my dick, my heart, and my mouth.
She let out a small happy breath. She didn’t seem to realize in how much trouble we were. I couldn’t stop feeling guilty. I wished I could say I would have acted differently if I got the chance, but I knew I’d sleep with her again. I’d wanted her, still wanted her. I would never stop wanting her.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Liliana
Icouldn’t believe Romero and I had actually slept together. I didn’t feel regret. Maybe it would come at some point but I couldn’t imagine it.
It had been painful and yet it was the happiest moment in my life. And afterwards when Romero had admitted he loved me, I’d wanted to tell everyone about it. Let them get angry, let them call me names, what did I care? I was happy, and that was all that mattered. But I knew better. Romero and I needed to keep it a secret. Maybe one day we’d figure out a way to make it official without causing a war, but right now I only wanted to enjoy our time together. The summer was drawing to a close but Father didn’t seem to want me back and I definitely didn’t want to return to Chicago. Maybe he’d forget I existed and I could move to New York for good.
The first time I faced Aria and Gianna after losing my virginity, I’d worried they’d see something was different, but of course they hadn’t. Nobody suspected anything.
Maybe that realization was why I got more daring.
It was almost noon and I could hardly keep my eyes open. Romero and I had made love until the early morning hours, and once I’d been back in my room I’d only managed two hours of sleep before I had to get up for breakfast again.
“Why don’t you rest on the sofa for a while? You look tired,” Aria said when I yawned again. We’d been rifling through a brochure that detailed events in the Hamptons for something to do in the next few days. Sunbathing and swimming were getting old.
Gianna wiggled her eyebrows behind Aria’s back. “She does. She doesn’t seem to get enough sleep at night.”
Romero glanced over from where he stood with Luca and Matteo in the kitchen area, but he didn’t seem worried. I decided to ignore Gianna’s comment. I stood from the table. “You’re probably right, Aria. I’ll lie down for a bit.”
Aria set the brochure aside and peered down at her watch before she looked over to Luca. “If we want to head out for lunch, we should leave soon.”
Luca nodded.
I walked toward the sofa, stretched out and closed my eyes. I almost immediately drifted off into a light slumber, only interrupted by the sound of Aria and Luca leaving, followed a few minutes later by Gianna’s and Matteo’s laughter as they headed for the beach. In the following silence, I felt my mind drift off again.
“I’m wearing you out,” Romero said from close by.
I opened my eyes to find him standing over me with a smirk. Slowly my own lips curled into a grin and my sleepiness began to disappear. I hooked my leg behind his knee in an attempt to make him fall forward and preferably land on top of me, but Romero was too strong. After a quick glance toward the terrace door he leaned down, though, and gave me a kiss. When he was about to pull back again, I wrapped my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist.
“Aria and Luca are out for lunch, and Gianna and Matteo will spend the day on the boat. That leaves the house to us.”
Romero looked conflicted but when I pressed my core against his crotch, I knew I had him. He was already hard. With a growl, he lowered himself on top of me. Our lips eagerly found each other. After a few minutes of heated kissing and roaming hands, Romero drew back. “It’s too risky to have sex out here.”
“I know, but there are other things we can do,” I said, before I pulled Romero’s head back down for another kiss. He didn’t protest again, which might have also had something to do with the fact that I was rubbing his erection through his pants.
For some reason making out with Romero in the middle of the living room made things seem more real between us, like we could maybe be an official couple, and not just something that needed to happen in the secrecy of darkness.
My lips were raw from Romero’s kiss, but I loved it. Romero slipped his hand under my shirt and sneaked his fingers under my bra cup, finding my nipple. I gasped and arched off the sofa. Romero kissed me even harder. I swung my leg over his lower back, pulling him even tighter against me. I couldn’t wait to feel him without the clothes between us. Maybe I could convince him to risk a quickie in the living room.