My morning sickness had finally stopped, and physically I felt perfect. When I left the guest bedroom on June 1st, the day of Carla’s death, I expected Dante to be either out of the house or hidden away in his office. I jerked to a halt when I found the door to the room where he kept Carla’s old things ajar. I could hear rummaging. Was he in there looking at old photos of them together? I remembered what Ines had said—that I should leave Dante alone—but it had been more than five weeks since I’d moved out of our bedroom. I missed our moments of intimacy. Yet pride rooted me to the spot. The door opened and Dante stood in the doorway, carrying a moving box.
I smiled apologetically. “Sorry. I didn’t meant to…” I trailed off, not sure what to say to him.
My eyes darted to the moving box. “What are you doing?”
“I’m moving these boxes out of the house.”
“All of them?”
He nodded. “Enzo and Taft are going to dismantle the furniture later and throw it away.”
I swallowed. “Why?”
“We can put the room to better use. It would make a good nursery.”
A lump rose into my throat. “That’s true. But we don’t have furniture for a nursery yet.”
Dante cleared his throat. “You could go shopping in the next few weeks.”
“Alone?”
“I could come with you.”
I nodded. “If that’s what you want.”
He didn’t say anything. Why couldn’t he make this easier on the both of us? Did he think I’d fall on my knees from relief? He hadn’t even apologized. This was the first time he acknowledged that we were going to be parents, and only indirectly. He hadn’t even admitted that he was the father of my child.
“Do you need my help carrying boxes?” I nodded toward the boxes piled behind him in the room.
“No. You shouldn’t carry anything heavy.”
“I’m not that far along.” Again silence, and an expression I couldn’t read. I turned around, ready to go downstairs and have breakfast.
“I want you to move back into our bedroom, Val.”
I stopped. It was a request worded like an order. He hadn’t apologized. Despite all that, I heard myself saying, “Okay.”
That evening I returned to our bedroom and when Dante’s hands started rubbing my back and butt, and he whispered, “I want you,” I nodded and relaxed under his touch.
* * *
A few days later, after I’d left Bibi’s house, I let Enzo drive me to the pharmacy for something against my nausea that had flared up again in the last couple of days. As usual Enzo stayed in the car to give me privacy. Bibi had also asked me for a pregnancy test because she suspected she was pregnant, but she didn’t want Tommaso to find out; he’d only get furious when her suspicions didn’t prove right. That man didn’t deserve her. I strolled toward the aisle with the pregnancy tests.
“Val,” someone whispered. I turned slowly, knowing that voice from somewhere.
Shock rooted me to the floor as I stared into the face of my first husband. His hair was shoulder-length, and much lighter than it used to be. He was wearing glasses that he couldn’t possibly need and had gained some weight. He was almost unrecognizable, especially with the way he dressed. Like a college student who’d rolled out of bed without much thought for what he was going to wear. It was a good masquerade.
“Antonio?” I asked shakily, starting to feel faint. I couldn’t believe he was actually in front of me, alive and in one piece. How was that even possible? They’d found his body; a badly burned body without a head. “Shhh,” he said quickly. “Not so loud.”
Antonio approached me and pulled me into a tight hug. At first I was board stiff, but then I sank into the embrace. “We need to hurry. I saw your bodyguard outside in the car. I don’t want him to get suspicious and come in.”
Tears burned in my eyes. I drew back, my eyes tracing the familiar lines of his face. “You are alive.”
He smiled. It was slightly off. “I am.”
“Does Frank know?”
“Yes, that’s why he wanted to meet with you. I sent him.”
“Why didn’t he tell me?”
“Because I wanted him to figure out your loyalties first.”
My loyalties? Had Antonio worried that I would tell Dante about him? I frowned. “Okay…why did someone try to kill me when I met with him?”
Antonio laughed. “I didn’t try to kill you. I aimed a couple of feet above your head. I had to help Frank. Dante would have killed him if I hadn’t done something.”
I still didn’t like that he’d aimed anywhere near me. The bullets had hit the wall less than two feet above my head. “So you were there the entire time and didn’t tell me?”
“Dante and his bodyguard showed up when I was about to step out. He ruined everything.”
“How did you even manage to follow me here without Enzo noticing anything?”
“I was one of them once. I could outsmart that guy any day.”
My head was spinning. I took a step back from him. “I cried at your grave! I mourned you for months.”
“I know,” he said. “But I couldn’t tell you about my plan.”
“Why not? You didn’t have a problem telling Frank.”
Antonio gave me a pleading look. “I didn’t want to involve you in this. It would have been too dangerous.”
“Who was the body they found? He had your favorite knife with him.”
“He was just a homeless stranger,” he said dismissively.
“You killed him and made it look as if the Russians killed you?”
Antonio nodded, a proud glint in his eyes. “I cut off his head so they couldn’t try to identify me through my teeth.”
I stared. “The Outfit sought revenge after they found you! They attacked the Russians and killed several of them.”
“The Russians deserve death. The world is a better place without them.”
The world would be a much better place without many of the people I knew. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me. I married you to help you, and you didn’t trust me enough to involve me in your plan. Have you ever considered that maybe I wanted out of this life as well?”
“I did trust you. I still do, Val. There are few people I trust more, but I couldn’t involve you in this. And how could I have taken you with me? It would have looked suspicious if we’d faked your death as well.”
I couldn’t see how that would have looked more suspicious. We could have staged a crime scene in our house and burned two bodies. But I wouldn’t have wanted an innocent to die so I could follow Antonio. It wasn’t as if I loved Antonio like I had at the beginning of our marriage.
“And be honest, would you really want to leave this life behind?”
I shook my head. This was the only life I knew. I wouldn’t even know how to function in normal society. I scanned his face. “But why are you here? If you wanted to leave this life behind, meeting with me isn’t exactly clever. Why are you even still in Chicago? Shouldn’t you be somewhere in the Caribbean or in South America, enjoying your newfound freedom from the mob?”
“I heard about your marriage to Dante Cavallaro.”
I scoffed. “You didn’t come back here because of that. Why would you get out of hiding for that? You were safe.”
Antonio looked away. I could tell that he was reluctant to answer my question. “I tried. Frank and I tried a different life, a normal life. I had enough money to live comfortably in Mexico for a while, and then the plan was to find jobs, to live as normal people do.”
“And?”
“I couldn’t do it, Val. I tried to work but it was degrading to work as if I was a nothing, to work for peanuts, to live without money. I was bored out of my mind. I tried for a while for Frank’s sake, but he realized I was unhappy, and so we decided to return to Chicago.”
“But why?” I asked. “You can hardly waltz into Dante’s office and tell him you’re alive. You broke your oath by leaving the Outfit. You betrayed them. They won’t welcome you with open arms.”
Antonio nodded grimly. “I know. Don’t you think I know that?”
Something dawned on me. “You want me to talk to Dante so he pardons you? You want me to come up with some crazy lie that will save your life?” I wasn’t sure there was anything I could do or say that would stop Dante from putting a bullet in Antonio’s head. He’d broken the mob’s cardinal rule. You couldn’t just leave the Outfit. It was for life.
Antonio grabbed my shoulder, eyes imploring. “If I could, I would undo what I’ve done. I wouldn’t leave you behind as a widow. You know I love you, Val, right?”
I exhaled slowly. “I know, Antonio. You told me more than once that you loved me like a sister.”
Antonio brought us even closer. “Maybe I could love you more than that. Maybe if we tried again, we could be more than a fake couple.”
“What are you saying?”
“I want to return to my old life, to you. I want to try for real this time.”