“Fuck, Cara. If you knew what you’re doing to me… the power you’re holding over me.”
I tilted my head and kissed him harshly. Our eyes stayed locked as he slammed into me. His hand slid down from my throat to my breast, kneading it firmly before he pinched my nipple.
I clenched around him and began to tremble.
“Come for me,” Ryan rasped. Sweat glistened on his face and inked chest. His fingers tugged even harder at my nipple until I gasped out from the combined sensation of pain and pleasure. Ryan drank in my expression as my orgasm hit me. My lips fell open and my eyes widened as a wave of intense pleasure pulsated through my core and soon my entire body.
Ryan grunted as he kept thrusting into me, forcing my oversensitive body to accept even more pleasure.
His other arm came around me as well, jerking me even closer to his body, and his fingers found my still throbbing clit.
“Too much,” I groaned but Ryan bit lightly down on my shoulder. “No.”
I squeezed my eyes shut, surrendering to his fingers and cock, and soon pleasure took over again. This time I took Ryan over the edge with me. He growled against my neck, his thrusts becoming less coordinated. My arms gave in until I had to brace myself on my forearms, crying out my release.
Ryan stilled behind me and I panted, my forehead pressed against the backrest, my body pulsating almost painfully. Ryan kissed my shoulder blade as he pulled out of me. He sank down on the couch and pulled me sideways onto his lap. I leaned my head against his chest, trying to catch my breath.
“Have you ever considered kids?” I wasn’t sure why the words left my mouth in that moment but it was a topic I’d been wondering about for a while. Ryan and I wanted to spend our life together and for me children were a must.
Ryan stiffened, his fingers on my thigh digging into my skin. “Kids?” he rumbled as if the word didn’t even make sense to him.
I pulled away to look at his face. His expression was a mix of confusion and wariness. “I never thought they were an option for me.”
“Why not?”
“Because of who I was… who I still am. I never wanted a woman at my side and knocking up random whores and producing bastards was never something I wanted.”
“But I am at your side now,” I said softly.
He nodded, wonder reflecting in his eyes. “You are.”
“And I won’t go anywhere.”
He stroked my throat with his inked hand. “You will.” There was still the hint of doubt in his voice. I cupped his stubbled cheeks.
“I won’t go anywhere.”
“You want kids?” he asked roughly.
“I do. I always wanted two for as long as I could remember. I still do. I want a happy family.”
“A happy family…” He tested the words as if they were entirely foreign to him, something from a language he didn’t understand.
“Don’t you want that after everything you’ve gone through?”
“I’ve destroyed many families in my time as Salvatore’s right-hand man. You know that better than anyone.”
I swallowed. Ryan hadn’t killed my father but he would have and he’d tortured him. He was loyal to Salvatore, a fact that still boggled my mind after what the man had done to him. “That’s the past. You can redeem yourself by doing right by our children.”
“You really want kids with me? They could be like me…”
“Nothing’s wrong with you. You had a horrible childhood, that’s why you became Salvatore’s enforcer. Our children won’t suffer like you did. They’ll be raised with love.”
“I don’t know if I’m capable of doing that.”
“You’re capable of loving me so why shouldn’t you be able to love our children?”
Ryan nodded slowly. “Yeah, maybe.”
“Definitely.”
“If you want kids, I’ll give them to you. I want you happy.”
I hugged him. “We still have time. But I want us to be a family.”
Ryan hugged me tightly. I breathed in his musky scent, relaxing further.
* * *
Our wedding wasn’t the splendid feast I’d imagined as a teenage girl, not a way to impress society and friends. It was pure and simple, like Ryan’s and my love.
We married on a ship on the Hudson with the Statue of Liberty in the background. Only a few people were present as we were declared husband and wife. Talia and Mom, who’d grown used to Ryan even if he still wasn’t the son-in-law Mom wanted, Aria and Luca as well as Gianna and Matteo. While I’d been close to Aria in the beginning, and still was, because she’d helped me and my family so much, I now met Gianna more often, which had come as a surprise. She’d seemed difficult to get along with during our first few encounters but soon we’d figured out we both enjoyed yoga, Pilates and working out. From that day on, we’d met at least once to work out together and she even asked me to help her with the Famiglia’s women’s gym she wanted to set up. Naturally, Coco and Bandit were present as well, despite their wariness toward the ship.
It was a hot May day with the sun shining down on us. Ryan was dressed in a white dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up and suit pants but no jacket or tie, and I had chosen a short, sleeveless wedding dress with a high neck. The material of the skirt was smooth like silk but the body had beautiful embroidery. Ryan had asked me to wear a short skirt and no sleeves because he loved the lean muscle I’d worked hard for. Of course, the main reason why was that I could show off my two tattoos that way. They weren’t anything like his but Ryan still loved the splashes of color on my skin. Over the last six months I’d gotten two beautiful watercolor tattoos, red poppies across my ankle and lower calf, as well as a hummingbird in flight on my shoulder blade. They were pops of color against my white dress and pale skin. To my surprise, it hadn’t caused any kind of stir in the Famiglia. Maybe because Ryan and I were regarded as misfits anyway, or maybe because Gianna had joined me during my first tattoo session to get inked as well. Her much smaller tattoo had been the scandal of the last few months. Even Mom had hardly said anything about my body art, even though I knew she hated seeing me inked.
“You may kiss the bride.”
I smiled up at Ryan and he bent down. When our lips met, I knew everything that had led us to this point had been worth it.
* * *
Maximus and Primo chased each other through our small yard. At two and four, they were almost unstoppable, which was why Ryan and I would take them to an adventure playground in the afternoon. I did a quick workout on the patio as I watched them to make sure they didn’t injure themselves seriously.
Daisy and Buddy, our rescue pit bulls, slept on the lawn, between where the boys played and me, so they could protect us. We’d saved them from a fight-dog breeding factory at only four weeks old three years ago. Coco and Bandit had died only one week apart from each other mere weeks before the raid of the fight ring. Despite our sadness, Ryan and I had seen it as a sign. Not to mention that we didn’t want to live without dogs. Taking care of the tiny puppies in the beginning had been a twenty-four-hour job, which wasn’t easy considering Max had been a toddler and I had been pregnant with Primo, but Ryan and I had succeeded together and our dogs thanked us with utmost loyalty and love.
“Primo, no!” I called when he hit his brother. Max, of course, hit him back. Ryan was the only one who called our son Maximus. He had chosen both boy names. People had always looked down at him as a child and he wanted to make sure our boys didn’t suffer the same fate. For him a proud and strong name was a crucial key. When I’d seen how important the matter was for him, I’d given in under the condition that I’d choose a possible girl name, but I knew deep down that our family was complete with Max and Primo.
“Don’t make me come and get you,” I warned. They slanted me a look to see if I was serious. I was.
They started chasing each other again, almost stumbling over Buddy’s huge white body. Primo climbed on top of him. Buddy barely lifted his head but I had enough. I went over to my boys and they trotted toward me, knowing what was coming.
“The dogs aren’t toys. You can pet them and throw their ball, but you don’t climb them, don’t tug at their tails or ears, and don’t tease them. Understood?” My voice was stern.
They nodded. “Okay, Mommy,” they said as one, their amber eyes guilty.
I tousled their brown hair and sent them off again. Instead of continuing my workout, I sank down beside Buddy and Daisy. They both immediately put their heads on my crossed legs so I could pat them.
Max and Primo stopped and looked behind me. With huge grins, they dashed toward what they saw.
Growl
I’d spent the day dismembering a Bratva spy, had relished in his screams. Adrenaline still rushed in my ears like static when I got out of my pickup in the driveway of the small house Cara and I had bought shortly before Maximus had been born. I’d never much cared about a place, but this house, our home, held a special place in my heart.
Both our boys had been born here and Coco and Bandit had enjoyed their evening of life on the soft lawn. I had buried them in the soil of their favorite spot with my own hands.
I paused on the porch. I’d never cried over someone’s death as an adult, never mourned someone but to this day my chest ached when I remembered the summer my loyal friends died. The memory of that day crashed down on me as it did often on days of inner turmoil.
Bandit and Coco were thirteen years old. When I returned home from work, I found them in the yard in their favorite spot close to a maple tree. Cara grabbed my arm, Maximus asleep in the baby sling against her chest. “I don’t think it’s going to be long now.” Tears brimmed in her eyes.
I followed her gaze toward my furry friends who had both lifted their heads and were wagging their tails. Bandit had been diagnosed with cancer a couple of months ago. We’d done everything we could. Now we made sure he wasn’t in pain.
I nodded, swallowing past the lump in my throat. “I’ll stay with them. I won’t leave their side until—” I couldn’t say it. I didn’t have to.
I strolled toward them and sank down beside them, patting their old bodies. Bandit met my gaze and deep down I knew Cara was right. It was only a matter of hours, maybe less. Bandit had waited for me to return home. I lay down on the warm lawn, my arm wrapped around Bandit and Coco, who hadn’t moved from his side in days.
The sun soon set and the temperature began to cool, but I didn’t stir. My own needs seemed irrelevant as I stroked Bandit’s side. Cara had only briefly come over to give him a big piece of sausage with pain meds.
Soon I felt Bandit’s breathing slow, the fall and rise of his chest under my palm almost unnoticeable now. Coco snuggled even closer to him and then his breathing stopped. I kept stroking his chest, even though it had stilled. Coco let out a low whine. I stroked her ears and neck, trying to comfort her.
Wetness hit my cheek and I looked up, expecting rain until I realized I was crying. Neither Coco nor I moved from Bandit’s side until sunrise. Then I began digging a hole and buried my friend. Coco curled up on the grave and I stayed at her side, stroking her soft fur.
I reduced my workload drastically in the following days and Cara stayed with Coco whenever I couldn’t, but like Bandit, Coco waited until I was home before she too fell asleep forever in my arms on Bandit’s grave. I buried her beside him, so they’d forever be at each other’s side.
Taking a deep breath and dragging myself out of the past, I followed the joyful screams of the boys into the yard. The sight before me quieted the violent vibes in my body. Cara sat on the lawn with our dogs, and our boys played with each other.
They looked carefree and happy, something I’d never experienced as a child. Maybe that was why it had taken some convincing on Cara’s part before I could see that Maximus and Primo looked like me. They had my eyes and sharp features, but Cara’s hair color. My face as a boy had never been filled with so much joy, so recognizing my facial features in them took imagination.
Maximus and Primo spotted me at the same time, and before Cara who was petting Buddy and Daisy.
I opened my arms and squatted. Seconds later both boys flew into my arms, almost causing me to fall back. They were growing so fast. I stood, lifting them up.
Cara glanced over her shoulder and smiled. I walked over to her. Buddy and Daisy wagged their tails excitedly. Cara stood and pressed a kiss to my lips, searching my eyes. The darkness in them wouldn’t completely be gone yet. It took a while, especially after particularly brutal days like today. “Why don’t you play with the boys for a bit? Then I can finish my workout.”
I nodded, grateful that she knew I needed to take my mind off things and didn’t want to talk. With another smile, Cara turned and headed back to the patio with the dogs at her heels. She was dressed in only tight workout shorts and a tank, looking ready to be devoured.
“Carousel!” Maximus exclaimed, drawing my attention back to my boys.
I set Primo down despite his protest, grabbed Maximus’ hands and started spinning. Afterward, it was Primo’s turn. I kept playing carousel until I was dizzy and had to lie down, which the boys used to climb on top of me and try to tackle me.
Cara watched us for a long time until she finally went inside, probably to have a post-workout snack and take a shower.
Primo yawned and Maximus, too, looked tired. “Time for your afternoon nap.”
“No!” both cried but I picked them up and carried them inside. Soon they quieted.
Tiredness usually won out after we played together. The boys still shared a room because they slept better with company. Once they were both tucked in, I closed their door and stalked into Cara’s and my bedroom. The shower was still running and when I stepped into the bathroom, everything was fogged up. Cara’s eyes were closed as she let the water rain down on her. I shrugged out of my clothes and prowled toward her, my cock already hardening. Cara’s eyes peeled open a second before my fingers curled around her throat and my lips crashed down on hers for a harsh kiss. I pressed her against the tiles, my tongue thrusting into her surprise widened mouth and my cock digging against her stomach. Her nails trailing over my chest, she sank down. My fingers tangled in her hair and guided her head toward my cock. She took me into her mouth. I braced myself against the tiles, breathing harshly as I watched her work my length.
I pulled her to her feet and lifted her up. She wrapped her legs around my hips immediately. With a hard thrust, I impaled her on my length as I pressed her against the wall.
I lost all sense of time as I slammed into Cara and soon the violence of the day was nothing but a distant echo. When Cara’s muscles clenched around me and she came with a cry, I let loose as well. Eventually we both stood under the spray, breathing harshly, wrapped in each other’s arms.
“Better?” Cara asked quietly.
“You and the boys are the antidote to my rage. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
She took my hand and led me out of the shower. We towel dried quickly before we slipped into our bed. Cara stroked my chest. “You won’t ever be without us. You’re stuck with me and our boys.”
The End