I entered the apartment. Luca allowed Mom and Talia to live in it for free. It was a nice three-bedroom place in Brooklyn, newly renovated and completely furnished, but less than what we had been used to in Las Vegas. Mom was struggling with this fact. She couldn’t accept that the life before Dad’s murder was gone. I hoped one day she’d realize that it could have ended so much worse if Luca hadn’t taken us in and given us a home in the Famiglia. Even if some people looked down on us for our family history, they mostly kept their opinion to themselves because we were related to the Capo.
“You know how she is,” Talia said as she closed the door. “She prefers to ignore unpleasant truths.”
She acted and looked so grown up, I had trouble getting used to it.
I followed my sister into the dining room where Mom was setting the table. She looked up, stressed. “Dinner still takes a few minutes. Without staff, things just don’t work how I’m used to.”
I didn’t mention that we were lucky to have a home and Mom didn’t really have anything else to do at the moment. Doing housework and cooking should be doable. In the past, invitations to social events and gossip meetings with her so-called-friends had been her main occupation, but in New York most people still avoided us. The only people who invited us were Luca and Aria, and that was mostly Aria’s doing. Luca might have taken us in but he didn’t care much about us. Not that I blamed him. We didn’t know each other. He was a stranger for me as well.
I headed toward her and embraced her briefly. “No rush. We have all evening.”
She nodded but I could tell that the words didn’t really sink in.
“How can I help you?”
“You’re the guest. You shouldn’t have to work.”
I rolled my eyes. “Mom, I moved out only a few months ago. And we’re family. We don’t have to stick to social rules when we’re alone, don’t you think?”
“I still think it was a mistake to move in with him before you’re married.” Her unsaid “or at all” lingered between us. She didn’t like Ryan and she didn’t try to pretend otherwise.
“Ryan and I love each other, Mom. You can accept it or not, but it won’t change what I’m feeling.”
“I didn’t say anything,” she said, even though she had. “It’s your life. You don’t want anyone to tell you what to do. I have no choice but to accept it.”
“You’re right.”
Talia gave me an encouraging smile but I didn’t feel like telling Mom about my engagement now.
Eventually, we settled at the table and had dinner. Talia had started school again and found a couple of friends. Mom had more trouble, mainly because she wanted to make acquaintances among the higher-ranking mob wives, who still gave her the cold shoulder.
“Why don’t you give a few of the soldiers’ wives a chance? You’ll be lonely if you don’t have people to spend time with.”
Mom’s lips pinched. “We’ll see.”
That meant she’d keep schmoozing the Captains’ wives until the last shreds of her dignity were gone.
“I have something I’d like to tell you.” Talia bit her lip, twisting a strand of her brown hair around her finger nervously.
Mom slowly set her fork down.
“Ryan asked me to marry him and I said yes. We want to marry next spring.”
Mom blinked then she nodded as if this wasn’t news. She didn’t look angry, disappointed or happy. “I suspected something like that. It’s the logical choice given our current position. We’re not accepted by most people in the Famiglia so it’s impossible to find a better match for you, especially because you aren’t pure anymore. And your Growl is Enforcer under Luca. It could be worse.”
She made it sound as if Ryan was some kind of emergency solution, someone I’d chosen because I didn’t have a choice.
“I didn’t say yes because I thought I wouldn’t find a better match. I said yes because I love him and know that I can’t find a better man for me.”
Mom gave me a bitter smile. “I don’t blame you, Cara. I understand, believe me, and I accept your decision.”
Anger spread in my body, making my blood pound in my temples. “I didn’t ask for your approval, but we’re a family and I want us to stick together. I want Ryan to be a part of that family, for you to see him for who he really is, for who he has become.”
“He was Enforcer and now he’s Enforcer again, Cara. He’s doing what he does best.”
“You loved Dad despite what he did for work,” I reminded her because no matter how desperately she tried to pretend Dad had been a good man, that wasn’t the truth.
“That’s different.”
“Is it, really?”
Mom stood with a forced smile. “How about we have dessert now?”
Talia rolled her eyes, but I nodded. “Sure.”
Mom turned and hurried into the kitchen.
I sighed. “It’s the reaction I expected. I don’t know why I hoped for something else.”
Talia patted my hand. “She’s taking our new situation harder than us.”
“But we suffered all the same, yet we’re trying to move on.”
“She’ll learn to live with Growl.”
“What about you? You know you don’t have to be scared of him. He’d never hurt you. We’re his family now.”
Talia shrugged. “I don’t know him, but I know you and if you trust him then I know I don’t have to fear him.”
I leaned over and hugged her. “Thank you.”
Talia and I were closer now than we’d been before our father was killed. Maybe because I’d stopped being obsessed with pleasing society and my so-called friends, and because she’d become more mature. We’d both changed and now really appreciated each other.
* * *
“We could lock them in our bedroom,” Ryan said, but in his eyes, I could see his reluctance. I felt the same way. Coco and Bandit were part of our family. Locking them away felt wrong. As if Bandit knew what was going on, he pressed up to my leg. At nine, his black fur was slowly turning gray around his muzzle. He wagged his tail when I patted his back and soon Coco trotted my way, wanting her share of petting as well.
Mother would have to get used to them eventually. “Bandit and Coco will stay.”
I wasn’t sure who was more nervous about Talia’s and Mom’s visit, Ryan or I. It was strange seeing my tall, strong, inked-all-over fiancé nervous. It wasn’t very obvious, just subtle signs like him checking his watch for the hundredth time or glancing into the oven repeatedly to check on the roast I’d made. He usually didn’t have the slightest interest in cooking but today it seemed to calm his nerves.
“We’ll have a wonderful Christmas,” I assured him as I slid up to him and took his hand, leaning against his strong side.
He nodded, not saying anything. Ryan still wasn’t the talkative type, but the days leading up to our first Christmas together definitely reminded me of our early days as captive and captor, when he rarely spoke a word to me, much less opened up about his feelings.
I, too, was nervous. This was the first time Mom and Talia would visit us for dinner—on Christmas Eve no less. Talia had been over to our apartment on occasion when Ryan was home but Mom had only met him a couple of times at social events since she was in New York. She preferred to avoid him.
Ryan and I both kept busy with preparations while the dogs watched us curiously from their baskets. They were still weary of the newest addition to our apartment: a Christmas tree. This was the first time they encountered one, but I’d insisted we have it as part of our Christmas decoration.
The bell rang, making me jump. Coco perked up and Bandit jumped out of his basket with a deep woof before he trotted to the door. Coco followed him half-heartedly.
“You get the door,” Ryan said. “Your mother and sister will feel more comfortable if you greet them.”
I shook my head and grabbed his hand before I pulled him toward the entrance door. “You and I are together in this.”
He squeezed my hand briefly but his face was devoid of emotion. I put on my brightest smile and opened the door. Mother and Talia waited in front of it as if they were about to face their executioner. Luckily, Talia caught herself fast and stepped close to me for a hug.
“Is Mom going to make a mess of tonight?” I whispered.
Talia shrugged. “Probably.”
I pulled away and faced my mother. She stood frozen in the hallway, giving me a stiff smile but her eyes kept flitting to Ryan. I didn’t get any Christmas mood vibes from her.
“Hello Cara,” Mother said almost formally, clutching her purse in front of her belly like a shield.
From the corner of my eye, I saw Talia awkwardly shake Ryan’s hand. I couldn’t remember if I’d ever seen Ryan shake anyone’s hand at all. The sight almost had me bursting out laughing.
I invited Mom in but she was as stiff as a salt pillar, her eyes directed at Coco and Bandit who waited in the hallway behind us. Talia’s initial fear during her first visits had been replaced by tentative affection. She even stroked Coco’s back who was more approachable than Bandit. His trust issues with humans went deeper.
“It’s okay, Mom. They accept visitors as long as we do. They won’t do anything.”
I had to drag Mom inside and then I led her into the living area with the small dining table. I’d decorated everything in gold and red to give it a cozy feel. Bandit and Coco both headed toward their baskets after a sign from Ryan.
“Good evening,” Mom said to him with a stiff smile, holding out her hand.
Ryan took it and shook it very briefly, probably picking up on Mom’s obvious discomfort.
“How about we sit down and have dinner?” I said quickly before the tension could rise.
* * *
After Talia and Mom had left, Ryan went out to walk the dogs and I cleaned the kitchen. He took longer than usual, a sign that he needed time to think.
When he finally returned and sank down on the sofa, I approached him. His expression was guarded.
“It went okay, don’t you think?” I asked softly. It hadn’t been the easy-going, warm Christmas dinner other families might have, but events like that had always been a rather formal affair with my family, and that hadn’t improved.
Ryan shrugged, stroking Coco’s head. “It went better than I thought. Your mother won’t ever get over who I was and who I still am.”
“You changed. You aren’t the person everyone feared in Las Vegas.”
“I’m now the person people fear in New York, Cara. I’m still Enforcer. Of course, Luca isn’t as depraved as Falcone.”
“My mother has no problem with Luca’s level of depravity so she can’t blame you for what you’re doing in his name.”
“Fear is immune to reason,” he rasped. I stepped between his legs, forcing his eyes to raise to mine.
“My sister and mother will learn to accept you if they love me because I love you. End of story,” I said firmly. Ryan grabbed me by the hips, his amber eyes intense. I knew the look and my core answered with a familiar tightening.
“I love you too,” he growled.
His big hands slid to the back of my skirt, jerking down the zipper almost brutally. It wouldn’t be the first piece of clothing I lost to Ryan’s overeager, too strong hands. The moment the zipper was down he started dragging my skirt down my legs impatiently. It dropped to the floor beside my feet. Coco trotted away, knowing what was coming.
Ryan’s impatience and lust won out. He grabbed my tights and ripped a hole in them right over my panties before he shoved them roughly aside. He leaned forward and forced his tongue between my pussy lips with a hard lick. I half-gasped, half-moaned, my hands flying up to clutch at Ryan’s head. He grasped my leg and propped my foot up on his leg, opening me up for him. The sounds falling from his mouth were almost animalistic as he licked me. I panted, smiling as I watched him. He tugged even harder at my panties so he had better access and could press his mouth against my pussy and suck my lips into his mouth.
“Ryan,” I gasped.
“You taste so sweet, Cara. Have from the very first moment I ate you out.”
His tongue dove back between my folds for a firm lick before he sucked my clit into his mouth. I cried out from the almost painful sensation and Ryan switched to soft soothing licks that had me relaxing. He cupped my breast, stroking lightly. My body brimmed with a mix of anticipation and anxiety. Then he pinched my nipple hard, causing me to cry out again. The pain battled with the intense pleasure Ryan’s tongue created with its gentle circling of my clit.
Ryan enjoyed it if I caused him pain during sex and slowly he taught me to appreciate the play of pain and pleasure as well. This time he didn’t release my nipple. He tugged and twisted it but kept up sucking my clit. I scratched over his scalp with my fingernails, causing him to growl, and then stars burst before my eyes as intense pleasure radiated from my core. Ryan pinched my nipple and my orgasm became even more intense. I almost fell backward and would have if Ryan hadn’t released my panties and clutched my ass cheek firmly to keep me in place while he shoved his mouth even harder against me, thrusting his tongue up and down.
I barely got the chance to catch my breath before Ryan released me and tore open his zipper, shoving down his boxers and freed his erection.
“Turn around,” he rasped.
The moment I had my back turned to him, he pulled me down on his lap, impaling me on his length. I screamed, still oversensitive from my release and almost came again. Gripping Ryan’s muscled thighs, I rocked myself back and forth, driving him deeper into me with every move. Ryan gripped my hips, guiding my moves as his hips thrust upward, driving even deeper into me. The sound of our bodies’ joining filled the apartment but I didn’t care. I’d long gotten over my embarrassment.
Ryan cupped my breasts through my blouse, kneading them. His tattooed thighs flexed under my fingers. So strong. When his strength and harsh exterior had terrified me at the very beginning, it now increased my desire for this man. I leaned forward and dipped down my head, watching Ryan’s length slide into me, claiming me.
“Turn around. Let me see your face.”
Ryan hoisted me off his lap and I hissed at the loss of him inside of me, but soon knelt over him, our faces close together. I sank back down on his length with a soft moan. This time we moved slower. I leaned forward, capturing his mouth with mine. He tangled his fingers in my hair, tugging slightly until he had me pinned in a way that allowed him to ravish my mouth. His other hand kneaded my ass, guiding my movements. We stayed joined like this for a long time, our bodies barely moving, pleasure only a low burn in our bodies.
The back and forth between the gentle lovemaking and animalistic fucking heightened my senses and lust. Ryan sucked my lower lip into his mouth as his thumb gently traced my clit. We’d stopped moving, but he was buried all the way inside of me, hard as stone, and I knew what would soon happen but never when. Ryan’s amber eyes seemed to burn into me as his finger guided me higher. My muscles started clenching around his cock, the first treacherous signs of my approaching release.
His circling became even slower and he released my lip before he kissed me harshly. Grabbing my neck, he tilted my head until he could rasp in my ear, “I’m going to fuck you until you scream.”
He hoisted me off his lap. I gasped when his cock slid out of me. Ryan lifted me on the couch, my hands propped up on the armrest. One knee on the sofa behind me, one leg standing, he stood behind me. He grabbed my throat and hip, and thrust into me almost violently. I arched back against him, needing more. Every thrust seemed to reach deeper than before. I clutched the armrest desperately. Ryan leaned closer, his fingers around my throat tightening slightly.