CHAPTER TEN
Gianna
Staring down at this wrinkly, smeared, bluish-red human being, I couldn’t wrap my mind around the fact that this was really my daughter—that I was a mother now. No longer just Gianna, mob wife and yoga instructor. My brain seemed cloaked by thick fog and the pain in my lower body barely registered anymore.
“Babe, how do you feel?” Matteo asked, but even his voice seemed to come from a distance.
I wasn’t sure what answer to give him, wasn’t sure what exactly I was feeling. “Exhausted,” I said.
The baby seemed to push toward my breasts, smacking its lips. The sound of the ambulance briefly registered and the lights flashed in my peripheral vision but I couldn’t look away from the baby—my baby. Some people described the moment of seeing their child for the very first time as love at first sight. That’s what Aria had called it. I didn’t feel anything but a deep sense of responsibility and disbelief. Soon I was hoisted into the ambulance with the baby still on my chest. Matteo joined me, and Luca would follow us in his car. Everything seemed to happen in a blur, so surreal I often wondered if I were still asleep and would wake any moment, and if that was the case, was it a nightmare or dream?
Matteo stayed close to my side and didn’t relax until we were finally alone in a hospital room and the doctors had checked on me and the baby, and stitched me back together where I’d torn.
The baby was latched on to my breast but I didn’t have much milk yet.
“She looks like you,” Matteo said.
I frowned. “Really?” Her hair wasn’t as red as mine, it was a strange reddish-brown and her eyes were a kind of blue, but it was still too early to say what she’d end up looking like.
I touched her small back. So breakable and now my responsibility.
“I didn’t think I’d ever see you like this,” Matteo murmured, his face reflecting the same disbelief I felt, but in his eyes, I didn’t find the same panic taking hold of my body.
Matteo took my hand as if he could sense my inner turmoil. “I’m at your side every step of the way. We can do this.”
I nodded then winced at the pain in my breast. “A few things I need to do by myself. What if I fail?”
“If you can’t breastfeed the baby, she’ll get the bottle. She won’t remember once she’s older, and let’s be honest our parents messed up far more, and we still survived.”
A small smile tugged at my mouth. “I love you.”
Matteo’s eyes soften. I didn’t say it first very often. I just wasn’t a very lovey-dovey kind of person. Matteo leaned forward and kissed my mouth then he glanced down at the squirming baby on my chest. “Do you have a name in mind?”
I shook my head. I’d thought a name would magically manifest itself the moment I saw my child. As if by merely looking at it, I’d peg it a Lorana or Melania or whatever other name the kid would look like. Yet, staring down at my squishy baby now, I drew a blank. I could barely wrap my mind around the fact that I’d squeezed her out of me not too long ago, much less decide on something as important as a name she’d have to carry all her life.
“Do you?” I asked hopefully but a knock sounded before Matteo could reply. Our baby had fallen asleep at my breast. I quickly tugged her away and covered myself before the door opened. Aria poked her head in, her brows puckered in worry. The moment she spotted me, she smiled brightly. “Can we come in?”
“Of course,” I said, relieved to have her here. She was a mother. Maybe she’d be able to help me understand this small creature sleeping soundly on my body. She came in, followed by Luca who gave me one of his warmer smiles, a rare sight. He even held flowers in his hand, probably an order from Aria, but I didn’t care.
Aria headed over to me. Matteo got up and grinned at Luca who shook his head with an exasperated smile before he came toward me and put the flowers down on the bedside table. “Congrats, Gianna. Your daughter likes a spectacular show, just like her mother.”
It wasn’t said in a condescending way so I took it as a compliment. “Thanks, Luca.”
He nodded and walked toward Matteo who hovered next to the window, watching me and our daughter with that same disbelief he’d displayed when she’d first popped out.
“How do you feel?” Aria whispered.
“I don’t know,” I admitted.
She nodded. “It’ll take time for you to grow together.”
“I thought you experienced love at first sight.”
She hesitated. “I did, but that doesn’t mean we didn’t have to find it together. You have to get to know your daughter. That takes time. Don’t worry.”
“I hope you’re right. Have you heard anything from Lily?”
Aria grinned. “In labor. Maybe your kids will share a birthday.”
“This is all so surreal. I’m waiting to wake up any moment.”
Aria kissed my cheek. “I’m proud of you.”
I swallowed, hating how emotional I’d become and yet unable to change it.
Matteo
“Congrats on your daughter,” Luca said as he joined me.
I nodded, stunned. “I still can’t believe it.” I tore my eyes away from our girl whom Gianna cradled in her arm and looked to my brother. “What if Gianna and I are bad parents? You know us, we’re bound to mess up.”
“Oh yes,” Luca said. I gave him a look and he squeezed my shoulder. “Messing up is part of parenthood. You mess up, you try to do better. You fail, you try again. Sometimes your kids hate you, sometimes they love you. If they don’t occasionally hate you, you’re doing something wrong.”
“That sounds doable.”
Luca chuckled.
“I’m not sure I like that you’ve seen my wife’s pussy,” I said to distract myself from my worry.
Luca’s lips curled. “Trust me that sight won’t give me any kind of ideas.”
I chuckled. Then gestured at his bloody clothes. “I’ve lost count of the times I’ve seen you like this.”
He glanced down at his ruined shirt. “Usually the prelude is more entertaining.”
I nodded. “Yeah, I don’t need another birth in my life.”
Luca’s eyes moved to Aria who had her arms wrapped around Gianna and was assuring her like Luca was assuring me. “You still working on kid number three?”
“Every day,” Luca said with a smirk.
“I suppose I can kiss sex goodbye for the next few weeks.”
Luca clapped my shoulder with a pitying look. “Make that the next couple of months.”
My shock made him laugh. “You’re laughing now,” I said. “Wait till I become intolerable because my balls are blue.”
Luca sighed. “Trust me, you’ll be too tired to be intolerable.”
“We’ll see.”
“Don’t take it as a challenge.”
“I love a good challenge.”
Gianna looked up with a hesitant smile and Aria hopped off the bed then walked over to us. “Go to your wife and daughter,” she said as she pressed up to Luca who gave her that adoring look few people ever got to witness.
I didn’t need to be told twice. I would have stayed glued to Gianna’s side if I hadn’t gotten the impression that she needed guidance from Aria first. Aria knew how to be a mother after all.
I stepped up to the bed. Gianna nodded toward the free spot beside her and I climbed into bed with her then wrapped an arm around her shoulder. Our daughter was still sleeping on her chest. Maybe sleep deprivation wouldn’t be our problem. She looked like an adorable, uncomplicated child. I reached out and gently took her tiny hand. So small, so vulnerable. “So her name?” Gianna asked.
I looked at the soft reddish-brown hair of our girl, at her rosy cheeks, trying to remember the names Gianna and I had discussed. “Isabella.”
The moment the name left my lips, I knew it was the right choice.
Gianna considered that, then smiled. “I like that. A lot.”
“So Isabella?”
“Isabella,” she said, then yawned and winced.
Aria stepped up to the bed. “Why don’t you put your daughter—“
“Isabella,” Gianna and I said at the same time.
“Isabella,” Aria said softly. “Why don’t you put Isabella on your chest, Matteo. That’ll give Gianna the chance to rest and you can bond with your daughter. Open your shirt.”
My fucking fingers still hadn’t stopped shaking. Aria pushed my hands away and unbuttoned my shirt for me. “Luca, your wife is undressing me.”
Luca gave me a condescending look. He knew Aria was his till the bitter end.
“Oh Matteo, when do you ever shut up?” Gianna groaned, but her eyes were soft when she looked at me. I knew it probably wouldn’t last forever but seeing Gianna’s softer, more emotional side had felt good, even if I still loved her tough side like crazy.
I flashed her a grin but it fell when Aria reached over me to pick up Isabella and put her down on my chest. I held my breath when I felt the small body against my skin. She was so tiny. I covered her back with my palm and linked my other hand with Gianna’s who leaned her head against my shoulder.
Aria gave us another reassuring smile before she and Luca walked out, leaving us alone.
“I’m still scared,” Gianna admitted quietly.
“Me too.”
“You are?”
“Yeah. It’s a new experience.”
She huffed, then winced. “We’ll get through this, right?”
“Of course. We have each other. And we have our family.”