I’m wide awake now.
And turned on.
Closing my eyes, I let the music course under my skin and slowly drift through my fingertips, down my thighs, and back up the inside of my leg, tickling the flesh until goosebumps rise. Gently cupping myself between my legs, I roll my hips and rub, my blood starting to heat up and my heart pumping faster as my clit tingles.
I moan, feeling my hardened nipples chafing against the lace. My other hand takes a breast and squeezes it as I twist my head to the side, my hair falling in my face.
Sometimes I wonder if I could ever do what my sister does. When I see all the money she brings home, and I’m tired of the worry and the stress, could I just do it?
I flip over and push myself up to my knees as I lean over with my hands on the bed between my thighs. I press my arms into my breasts, forcing them together, full and about to pop out of the top. Rolling my head, my hair caresses my back as I keep my eyes closed and start to grind to the music.
No, I can’t do what she does. I don’t want lots of men watching me.
But one man? Like a boyfriend? A man who craves me and who’ll watch me with possessive eyes as I dance for him….
He’s watching me. I’m in a dark room, a glossy, white stage under me, and a soft purple light on me. I move onto all fours, crawling and biting my bottom lip as lean forward, spreading my thighs and my knees pressing into the floor as I hump the stage.
He’s in the back, so far away, but he’s there. He’s the only one there. I’m all for him. He hides in the shadows and leans his shoulder into the wall as he watches me. I roll my hips slowly, taunting and teasing him, and then move back onto my knees, grabbing the headboard to hold onto as I dance and grind.
The strap of my top falls down my arm, and I cup my naked breast, looking over my shoulder at him. The cigarette—or cigar—in his hand hangs at his side, burning a stream of smoke into the air. But he seems to have forgotten about it as he stares at me.
It occurs to me Cole doesn’t smoke, but the thought is gone as quickly as it comes.
I want him to see me. I want him to want me. I feel him want me, and I like it. God, I like it. Keep watching me. I wonder what his mouth tastes like. What do his teeth feel like? My nipples tighten and harden, craving a mouth.
I’m gonna get you off. Keep watching me. Keep watching me.
I lean back on my hands, rolling my hips faster and harder, and I can feel my skin growing wet with sweat as I rub my pussy and move my ass for him.
Only him.
“Oh, God,” I whimper, feeling my orgasm crest. “I’m coming, I’m coming…”
But then a loud slam echoes through the house, and I pop up my head up and open my eyes. Shit!
I freeze, listening. The floorboards in the hallway creak, and someone moves down the hallway and then pounds down the stairs. I hop off the bed in a hurry, in case it’s Cole.
I wouldn’t have woken his father, would I? That was so stupid! What if the bed was creaking?
Shame burns like fire on my face, and I inch toward the bedroom door, cracking it open for a peek. The hallway is still dark, but I can hear talking and then a door slams shut downstairs.
I frown. Stepping across the hallway, I quickly hide in the bathroom and close the door. Keeping the light off, I go to the window and pull open one of the shutters.
“Yeah, don’t worry about it. I don’t mind being woken up for this,” I hear Pike say, and I peer out to see him standing next to the pool, talking on his phone. “Babies are unpredictable. Take whatever time you need. We’ll be fine for the next few days.”
He’s dressed in gray lounge pants but no shirt, and I see him rub his hand over his scalp as he yawns. My shoulders relax a little. The call probably woke him up.
He nods at whoever is talking on the phone. “Shoot us all a text when the kid is born. Congrats, man.”
Then he chuckles, and my muscles relax, so grateful. That would’ve been embarrassing if he’d heard me.
I move to close the window again, but I see him grab something out of a dish on the garden table and put it in his mouth as he continues listening to whoever is on the phone.
I stop, my eyes widening as I watch him light a cigar butt. The hair on my neck stands on end, and my pulse races. I yank the shutter closed, not caring if he hears me.
What the hell? I haven’t seen him smoke. Why would that have popped in my…?
I charge back to my room, close the door, and pull off the lingerie. Donning a T-shirt and boy shorts, I turn off the music, the light, and climb into bed.
Cam and her stupid, damn subliminal messages and shit. Thanks a lot.
“Hey, Corinne. Is my dad home?” I ask into the phone.
I hear my stepmom move on the other end, a screen door creaking open. “Chip!” she hollers, her voice raspy from years of smoking. “It’s Jordan!”
The door creaks shut again, and I think I hear the fryer going in the kitchen. I can almost feel the grainy linoleum under my feet from here. I’m so glad to be out of that trailer, even if it means mooching off Cole’s dad.
“You need money?” she says as I wait for my dad to come to the phone. “’Cause we don’t have any. Your dad threw out his back and missed some work a couple weeks ago, so things are tight right now.”
I blink. “No, I…” I stammer, aggravated by her question. “I don’t need money.”
And they would be the last people I’d ask if I did. My father never has cash for more than a day before it’s burning a hole in his pocket. One of the many reasons my mom ran out.
But at least my dad stayed.
“Chip?!” she calls again but then growls at the dogs. “Get out of the way, you two.”
I shake my head, the previous suspicion that a text would’ve been better now solidifying. If my dad does make it to the phone, I’ll just hang up feeling pissed off that he’s about as warm as this woman. Thank goodness she wasn’t my stepmom for long under that roof. I left as soon as I could.
“I just wanted to let you all know I moved,” I tell her. “In case you need my new address.”
“Oh, right, right.” I hear her suck in and know she’s smoking. “You moved in with Cole at his dad’s house. Yeah, we heard.”
“Yeah, I—”
“Chip!” she screeches again, interrupting me.
I hood my eyes, exasperated already. “It’s fine,” I tell her. “That’s all I called for, so don’t bother Dad then if he already knows. I’ll…talk to you later.”
“Okay.” She blows out smoke. “Well, take care of yourself, and I’ll call in a week or so. Have you over for dinner or something.”
My body shakes with a bitter laugh I hold back. It’s not funny. It’s sad, really. But she hangs up without waiting for me to say ‘goodbye’, and I let out a sigh, tossing my phone on the bed.
Neither my dad nor stepmom are bad people, although no one called on my birthday, either.
I was never hit or starved or verbally abused. Just kind of forgotten, I guess. They struggled for anything good in life, so it was too much to ask to let responsibility or concern for their children interfere with what tiny pleasure they managed to muster with their beer and Bingo nights.
After Cam left and got her own place, I had no one to talk to. I was nobody in that trailer, and I never want to feel that alone again.
I pick up my notebook from the bed and resume the homework from my summer class that day. My textbook lays open in front of me, and I click my mechanical pencil to get more lead.
A knock sounds on the bedroom door, and I pop my head up, tensing.
“Come in?” I say, but it sounds like a question. Cole wouldn’t knock. It must be his father. Did I leave laundry in the dryer? The stove on? I go through my mental checklist.
The door swings open, and Pike stands there, holding the knob but keeping himself planted in the hallway.
“I’m ordering pizza for dinner,” he tells me. “Is Cole going to be home soon?”
I fiddle with the pencil in my hands. “One of his friends got promoted at the cable company,” I explain, “so they’re having a party out at his dad’s farm. I’m sure he’ll be pretty late.”
He stands there a moment, his large frame filling the entire doorway. My eyes keep darting to the tattoos on his arms, so I just look back down, pretending to be absorbed in my work.
“You’re not going?” he presses.
I hold out my hands, gesturing to the homework in front of me.
He nods, understanding. “Well…” He eyes me for a moment, looking uncertain and then continues, “you gotta eat, too, right? What kind of pizza do you like?”
“No, that’s okay.” I tell him, shaking my head. “I already ate.”
His eyes drop to the plate with the half-eaten peanut butter sandwich on the bed, and I know what he’s thinking. “Okay.”
He moves to close the door but then stops. “You know you don’t need to hide up here, right?”
I look up, straightening my spine. “I’m not hiding.” I laugh a little for measure, but I think he’s on to me.
“You’re doing chores,” he states. “You’re paying for your right to be in the house. So if you want to use the pool or have a friend over or like… leave the bedroom, it’s fine.”
I lick my dry lips. “Yeah, I know.”
“Okay,” he finally says. “I guess I’m eating the pizza all by myself then. I’ll have leftovers for days, as usual.”
He sighs, sounding extra pathetic.
“Don’t order a large then,” I mumble, staring down at my notebook again.
But his quiet chuckle before he closes the door tells me he heard my smartass comment.
I’m sure he’s ordered plenty of pizzas in all the years he’s lived here alone. He’s just trying to be nice and make me feel welcome. Which is great of him, and I appreciate it, but it still doesn’t make me feel like any less of a freeloader. I can’t let him buy me pizza, too.
And I think about how alone I felt growing up in my father’s trailer and even how alone I’ve felt with Cole sometimes. Maybe Pike Lawson is tired of being alone and eating alone and watching TV alone, and I’m a guest in his home and perhaps he’d like to get to know the people living under his roof, right? It’s only reasonable.
And maybe I’m tired of being alone a lot, too, and maybe I’m still hungry and pizza sounds pretty good, actually.
I blow out a breath and shove my notebook off my lap before standing up. Rushing over to the bedroom door, I yank it open and peek out.
“Joe’s Pizza?” I inquire, seeing him right before he heads down the stairs.
He stops and turns his head to look at me. “Of course.”
It’s the best pizza in town, so it’s a no-brainer. I step out of the bedroom and shut the door. “Halfsies?”