WE DECIDE TO GO to the mall and eat so that we can go shopping afterward. I call Landon as we sit down and he tells me that he will ask his mother what Hardin should wear and call me right back.
“We can find your outfit first, I guess?” he suggests.
“I don’t know what to wear either.” I laugh.
“Well, you have the luxury of looking beautiful regardless of what you wear.”
“That is not true; you definitely pull off that ‘I don’t give a crap how I look but I look flawless’ look.”
He gives me a cocky smirk and leans back in his chair. “I do, don’t I?”
I roll my eyes and then notice my phone buzzing. “It’s Landon.”
“Hey,” Landon says, “so she said it would be best if you wear white. I know it’s not the norm, but that’s what my mother wants. And at least try to get Hardin in dress pants and a tie. I don’t think they are expecting much from him, to be honest.” He laughs.
“Okay, well, I will do my best to get him in a tie.” I look over at Hardin, who frowns comically.
“Good luck. How’s your internship going?”
“It’s good. Well, great, actually. It’s a dream come true. I can’t believe it. I have my own office and I basically get paid to read all day. It’s perfect. How are classes? I miss Literature.”
Hardin’s face turns into a real frown, and I follow his eyes to the middle of the food court. Zed, Logan, and a guy that I have never met before are walking toward us. Zed gives me a friendly wave and I smile before thinking about it. Hardin glares at me and stands up.
“I’ll be right back,” he says and walks off in their direction. I try to continue my conversation with Landon and watch Hardin at the same time, but I’m not sure what to do.
“Yeah, it isn’t the same without you, but I’m so happy for you. At least Hardin hasn’t been in class so I don’t have to deal with him,” Landon says.
“What do you mean he hasn’t been in class? Well, besides today. He was there yesterday. Right?”
“No, I figured he dropped again since you left and he obviously can’t be more than ten feet away from you at all times,” he teases and my heart warms despite my concern over his missing classes.
I look over at Hardin, who has his back to me, but I can tell from how stiff his shoulders are that he’s tense. The guy who I don’t recognize has a slick smile on his face and Zed is shaking his head. Logan seems uninterested in them and focuses on checking out a group of girls walking by. Hardin takes a step toward the guy and I can’t tell if they are messing around or not.
“I’m so sorry, Landon, but I will call you back,” I say and hang up. Leaving our trays on the table, I go over to them, hoping in the back of my mind that no one messes with our food.
“Hey, Tessa, how are you?” Zed asks and moves forward to hug me. I feel myself flush and politely hug him back. I know better than to look up at Hardin when our embrace ends. Zed’s hair is sticking straight up in the front in a very hot, messy way, and he’s wearing all black with this leather jacket that has patches all over the front and back.
“Hardin, aren’t you going to introduce your friend?” the stranger says. He smiles and it gives me chills. I can tell he is not a nice guy.
“Um, yeah.” Hardin waves his hand between us. “This is my friend Tessa; Tessa, this is Jace.”
Friend? I feel like I have just been kicked in the stomach. I try my best to hide my humiliation and smile.
“Do you go to WCU?” I ask. My voice is much more composed than I feel inside.
“Hell, no. I don’t do the college thing.” He chuckles coolly. “But if all the girls there looked like you, I would be happy to reconsider.”
I gulp and wait for Hardin to say something. Oh, right, I am his friend. Why would he? I stay silent and wish I had just stayed at the table.
“We are going to the docks tonight; you two should make an appearance,” Zed says.
“We can’t. Maybe next time,” Hardin says. I contemplate interrupting and saying I can, but I am too pissed-off to speak.
“Why not?” Jace asks.
“She has to work tomorrow. I suppose I can drop by later. Alone,” he adds.
“That’s too bad.” Jace smiles at me. His sandy blond hair falls over his eyes and he shakes his head to move it.
Hardin clenches his jaw and looks at him. I feel like I’m missing something. Who is this guy, anyway?
“Yeah, I’ll hit you up later when I’m on my way,” Hardin says and I stalk away.
I hear Hardin’s boots stomping behind me but I keep walking. He doesn’t call my name, since I’m sure he doesn’t want his friends to think anything, but he keeps following me. I walk faster and dip into Macy’s and turn a sharp corner, hoping to lose him. No such luck; he grabs my elbow and turns me to face him.
“What is wrong?” His annoyance is obvious.
“Oh, I don’t know, Hardin!” I shout. An elderly woman looks at me and I give her an apologetic smile.
“Me either! You are the one who just hugged Zed!” he yells. We are already attracting an audience, but I am fuming so I don’t care at the moment.
“Are you embarrassed of me or something? I mean, I get it, I am not exactly the cool girl, but I thought . . .”
“What? No! Of course I’m not embarrassed of you. Are you crazy?” he huffs. I feel crazy at the moment.
“Why did you introduce me as your friend? You keep talking about living together and then you tell them we are friends? What are you going to do, hide me? I won’t be anyone’s secret. If I’m not good enough for your friends to know we’re together, then I don’t want to be.” I turn on my heel and walk away to punctuate my little speech.
“Tessa! Damn it . . .” he says and follows me through the store. I reach the dressing rooms and glance at them.
“I will follow you,” he says, reading my thoughts.
He will, too. So I turn and head toward the exit of the store. “Take me home. Now,” I demand. I stay quiet and at least ten feet ahead of Hardin as we walk out of the mall and to his car. He moves to open the door for me but backs away when I glare at him. If I were him, I would keep my distance.
I stare out the window and think of all the terrible things I could say to him but I stay silent. I’m mostly just embarrassed that he feels like he can’t tell people we are together. I know I’m not like his friends and they probably all think I am a loser or not cool enough, but that shouldn’t matter to him. I find myself wondering if Zed would hide our relationship from his friends, and I can’t help but think that he wouldn’t. Come to think of it, Hardin has never actually called me his girlfriend. I probably should have waited to sleep with him until he at least confirmed we were dating.
“Are you done throwing a fit?” he asks as we pull onto the highway.
“A fit? You aren’t serious!” My voice fills his small car.
“I don’t know why it’s such a big deal to you that I called you my friend; that’s not what I meant. I was just caught off guard,” he lies. I can tell he is lying by the way his eyes dart away from mine.
“If you are embarrassed of me, then I don’t want to see you anymore,” I say. I dig my nails into my leg to keep from crying.
“Don’t say that to me.” He runs his hand over his hair and takes a deep breath. “Tessa, why do you assume I am embarrassed of you? That is just fucking ridiculous,” he growls.
“Have fun at your party tonight.”
“Please, I’m not going, I just said that so Jace would lay off.”
What I say next I know is a terrible idea, but I want to prove a point: “If you aren’t embarrassed of me, then take me to the party.”
“Absolutely fucking not,” he says through his teeth.
“Exactly,” I snap.
“I am not taking you there because Jace is a dick, for one. Two, it’s not the kind of place you should be.”
“Why not? I can handle myself.”
“Jace and his friends are way out of your league, Tessa. Hell, they’re even out of my league. They are all stoners and scum.”
“Then why are you friends with him?” I roll my eyes.
“There is a big difference between being friendly and being friends.”
“Well, why would Zed hang out with him, then?”
“I don’t know. Jace isn’t one of those guys that you say no to,” he explains.
“So you’re afraid of him. That’s why you didn’t say anything when he came on to me,” I point out. Jace must be really bad if Hardin is afraid of him.
Hardin surprises me by laughing. “I’m not afraid of him. I just don’t want to provoke him. He likes games, and if I provoked him with you he would turn you into a game.” His knuckles turn white from his grip on the steering wheel.
“Well, good thing we’re just friends, then,” I say and look out the window at the beautiful view of the city passing by. I’m not perfect; I know I’m acting childish but I can’t help it. Knowing how big a creep Jace is, I get why Hardin did what he did, but that doesn’t make it hurt less.
Chapter eighty-two
When we get to the room, I plop down on the bed. I am still angry with Hardin but not as angry as I was. I don’t want any more attention from Jace than necessary, but meeting him has only raised more questions that I know Hardin doesn’t want me to ask.
“I really am sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings,” he says. I don’t look at him because I know I will turn to mush. He needs to know that I won’t put up with him doing things like this. “Do . . . you . . . do you still want me?” he asks, his voice shaky.
When I look over at him, I can see his vulnerability. I sigh, knowing I am not able to hold on to my anger when his eyes are so full of worry.
“Yeah, of course I do. Come here,” I tell him and pat the bed next to me. I have no willpower when it comes to this man.
“Do you consider me your girlfriend?” I ask as he sits down.
“Yeah. I mean, it just seems a little silly to call you that,” he says.
“Silly?” I pick at my fingernails, a bad habit I have yet to kick.
“You are more to me than some adolescent title.” He puts his large hands on both sides of my face. His answer makes my stomach flip in the best way. I can’t help the grin that is plastered on my face. His shoulders immediately relax.
“I don’t like that you don’t want people to know about us—how would we live together if you won’t even tell your friends about us?”
“It’s not like that. Do you want me to call Zed right now and tell him? If anything, you should be embarrassed to be with me. I see the way people look at us when we are together,” he says. So he does notice the way people look at the two of us.
“They only stare at us because we look different, and that’s their problem. I would never be embarrassed to be seen with you. Ever, Hardin.”
“You had me worried that you were going to give up on me,” he says.
“Give up on you?”
“You’re the only constant in my life; you know that, don’t you? I don’t know what I would do if you left me,” he says.
“I won’t leave you if you don’t give me a reason to,” I assure him, but I can’t think of a single thing he could do to make me leave him. I’m in too deep. Thinking of leaving him sends a pain through my body that I can’t bear. It would break me. Even if we fight every single day, I love him.
“I won’t,” he says. He looks away for a second, then meets my eyes again. “I like who I am with you.”
I turn my cheek into his hand farther. “I do, too.”
I love him, every part of him. All versions of him. Mostly, I like who I have become with him; we have both been changed for the better by each other. I have somehow gotten him to open up and have brought happiness to him, and he has taught me how to live and not worry about every detail.
“I know I piss you off sometimes . . . well, a lot of the time, and God knows you drive me fucking insane,” he says.
“Thanks?”
“I’m just saying, just because we fight doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be together. Everyone fights.” He smiles. “We just fight more than normal people. You and I are very different people, so we’ll just have to figure out how to navigate one another. It will get easier,” he assures me.
I return his smile and run my fingers through his dark hair.
“We still didn’t get anything to wear to the wedding,” I point out.
“Oh darn, looks like we can’t go.” He turns his face into the most insincere frown I have ever seen and kisses my nose.
“You wish. It’s only Tuesday. We have all week.”
“Or we could skip it and I could take you to Seattle for the weekend?” He lifts an eyebrow.
“What?” I sit up. “I mean, no! We are going to the wedding,” I correct myself. “But you could take me to Seattle next weekend.”
“Nope, offer’s only good for a limited time,” he teases and pulls me onto his lap.
“Fine, I guess I’ll have to find someone else to take me to Seattle.” His jaw tenses and I trace my fingertips over the stubble on his chin and jaw.
“You wouldn’t dare.” His lips twitch to hold his smile.
“Oh, I most certainly would. Seattle is my favorite place, after all.”
“Your favorite place?”
“Yeah, I haven’t really been anywhere else.”
“Where is the farthest place you’ve gone?” he asks.
I lay my head on his chest and he lies back against the headboard, wrapping his arms around me. “Seattle. I haven’t left Washington.”
“Ever?” he exclaims.
“Nope, never.”
“Why not?”
“I don’t know, we just couldn’t afford to after my dad left. My mother worked all the time and I was too focused on school and getting out of that town that I didn’t really think of much else, except working.”
“Where would you want to go?” he asks, his fingers rubbing up and down my arm.
“Chawton. I want to see Jane Austen’s farmhouse. Or Paris. I would love to see where Hemingway stayed while he was there.”
“I knew you would say those places. I could take you there.” His tone is serious.
“Let’s just start with Seattle.” I giggle.
“I mean it, Tessa. I could take you anywhere you want to go. Especially England. I did grow up there, after all. You could meet my mum and the rest of my family.”
“Um . . .” I actually have nothing to say. He is so strange, he introduces me as his “friend” an hour ago, and now he’s taking me to England to meet his mother.
“Let’s just start with Seattle?” I laugh.
“Fine, but I know you would love to drive through the English countryside, see the house Austen grew up in . . .”
I can’t imagine how my mother would react to me leaving the country with Hardin. She would probably lock me in her attic and never let me out. I still haven’t spoken to her since she stormed out of my dorm after threatening me in an attempt to get me to stop seeing Hardin. I want to avoid that inevitable argument for as long as I can.
“What’s wrong?” he asks and dips his head down in front of my face.
“Nothing, sorry, I was just thinking of my mother.”
“Oh . . . she’ll come around, babe.” He sounds so sure, but I know her better than that.
“I don’t think so, but let’s talk about something else.”
We start talking about the wedding, but Hardin’s phone vibrates in his pocket after a moment. I shift off him so he can get it out, but he makes no move to do so.
“Whoever it is can wait,” he says, which makes me happy.
“Will we be staying at your dad’s house Saturday after the wedding?” I ask. I need to get my mind off my mother.
“Is that what you want to do?” he asks.
“Yeah, I like it there. This bed is tiny.” I crinkle my nose and he laughs.
“We could stay at my place more often. What about tonight?”
“I have my internship in the morning.”
“So? You can bring your stuff with you and get ready in an actual bathroom. I haven’t been to my room in a while; they are probably already trying to rent it out,” he jokes. “Don’t you want to take a shower without thirty other people in the same room?”
“Sold.” I smile and climb off the bed.
Hardin helps me pack my things for tomorrow and I grow more and more excited to go to the frat house. I hated that house, and still pretty much do, but the thought of a shower in an actual bathroom and Hardin’s large bed is too appealing to pass up. He grabs the red set of lingerie out of my dresser and hands it to me with a series of eager nods, and I flush before shoving it in my bag. I pack one of my old black skirts and a white blouse, wanting to space out my new dresses.
“Red bra with white shirt?” Hardin points out. I pull the white shirt out and grab a blue one instead.
“You could bring extra clothes with you so you won’t have to bring so much next time,” he suggests. He wants me to keep clothes at his place. I love how it’s a given that we will stay the night together every night.
“I guess I could,” I say and grab my new white dress and a few other random things.
“You know what would make it much easier?” he asks, and pulls my bag over his shoulder as we head outside.
“What?” I already know what he is going to say.
“If we both lived at the same place.” He smiles. “We wouldn’t have to decide which place to stay at and you wouldn’t have to pack a bag. You would have a private shower every day—well, not totally private.” He winks playfully. And just when I think he’s done, when we get to his car and he opens the door for me, he adds, “You could wake up and make your own coffee in our kitchen and get ready for the day and we could meet up at our place at the end of every day. None of this roommate or frat house shit.”
Every time he says “our” my stomach flutters. The more I think about it, the better it sounds. I am just terrified of moving too fast with Hardin. I don’t want it to blow up in my face.
As we drive to the house, he puts his hand on my thigh and again says, “Stop overthinking it.” I hear his phone vibrating again, but he ignores it. This time I can’t help but be a little suspicious of why he isn’t picking up the phone, but I push the thought from my head.
“What are you afraid of?” he asks when I don’t respond.
“I don’t know. What if something happens with my internship and I can’t afford it? Or if something happens with us?”