“What . . .?” He raises an eyebrow at me. He must think I am insane, coming in here and helping him break things, and now trying to undress him. And maybe I am. I don’t care at the moment. All I care about is the way the curve of Hardin’s collarbones are shadowed by the moonlight coming through the bay window, the way one of his hands is holding my face like I am fragile, despite him trying to break everything in the room minutes ago.
I answer him wordlessly by wrapping my legs around him and pulling him closer.
“I really thought you were going to storm in here and tell me off.” He smiles and presses his forehead against mine.
“You were wrong,” I remind him with a smug smile.
“Very. I don’t want to go back down there tonight,” he says, eyes searching mine.
“That’s fine. You don’t have to.”
He relaxes and moves his head to the crook of my neck. I’m surprised by how easy this is between us. I had expected him to snap at me, maybe even try to make me leave when I came in here, but here he is leaning on me. I can tell he is really trying to navigate this relationship the best he can, despite the fact that he is one giant mood swing.
“I love you,” I tell him, and feel his lip ring move against my neck as he smiles.
“I love you,” he replies.
“Do you want to talk about it?” I ask, but he shakes his head, still buried in my neck. “Okay, do you want to watch a movie? Something funny, maybe?” I suggest.
After a long pause, he looks back toward the bed. “Did you bring your laptop?” When I nod he continues. “Let’s watch The Vow again.”
I laugh. “You mean the movie that you supposedly despise?”
“Yes . . . well, despise is a little harsh. I just think it’s a sappy, mediocre love story,” he corrects.
“Then why do you want to watch it?”
“Because I want to watch you watch it,” he answers thoughtfully.
Remembering the way he watched me the entire time we watched it in my room, that night seems so long ago. I had no clue what was coming up between us. I would have never imagined we would come to this.
My smile is all the answer he needs as he grabs my waist and carries me to the bed.
Within minutes, he is snuggled up next to me studying my face as I watch the movie. Halfway through I feel my eyes getting heavy.
“I’m getting sleepy,” I say with a yawn.
“They both die; you’re not missing much.”
I nudge him with my elbow. “You have issues.”
“And you’re adorable when you’re sleepy.” He closes my laptop and pulls me up to the top of the bed with him.
“And you’re uncharacteristically nice when I’m sleepy,” I say.
“No, I’m nice because I love you,” he whispers and I swoon. “Sleep, beautiful.”
He gives me a small peck on my forehead, and I am too tired to try for more.
THE NEXT MORNING, the light is bright, too bright. When I roll over to bury my head in Hardin’s shoulder, he sighs in his sleep and pulls me closer. When I wake up again, he is awake and staring at the ceiling. His eyes are hooded and his expression unreadable.
“You okay?” I ask, nuzzling farther into him.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” he answers, but I can tell he is lying.
“Hardin, if there is something wrong . . .” I begin.
“There isn’t, I’m fine.” I decide to let it go. We have gotten along all weekend; it’s a record for us. I don’t want to ruin it. I lift my head up and place a single kiss on his jaw and his arms wrap tighter around me.
“I have a few things to do today, so whenever you’re ready, can you drop me off at my house?” he asks. My stomach drops, hearing the distance in his voice.
“Sure,” I mumble and move out of his embrace. He tries to grab my wrist but I move too quickly. Grabbing my bag, I head to the bathroom to change and brush my teeth. We have been in our own little bubble all weekend, and I fear that without the protection of these walls, he won’t be the same.
I’m relieved when I don’t run into Landon or Dakota in the hallway, and even more relieved that Hardin is fully dressed when I return. I want to get this over with. He has cleaned the glass off the floor and the keyboard is in the trash can, the lamp and monitor neatly piled nearby.
Downstairs, I say goodbye to Ken and Karen, though Hardin walks outside without saying a word to either of them. I assure them that Hardin will still be at the wedding, despite the drama last night. I tell them about the computer and lamp, but they don’t seem to pay it much mind.
“Are you mad or something?” Hardin asks after ten minutes of silence.
“No.” It’s not that I’m mad, I am just . . . nervous, I suppose. I can feel the shift between us and I wasn’t expecting anything to change from how we were all weekend.
“It seems like it.”
“Well, I’m not.”
“You need to tell me if you are.”
“You’re just being distant and now you’re having me drop you off at your house, and I thought everything was fine between us,” I say.
“You’re upset because I have things to do today?” When he says it like that, I realize how ridiculous and obsessive I sound. Is that why I am upset? Because he isn’t hanging out with me today?
“Maybe.” I laugh at my stupidity. “I just don’t want you to be distant from me.”
“I’m not . . . not on purpose, at least. I am sorry if I made you feel that way.” He reaches over and puts his hand on my thigh. “Nothing is going to change, Tessa.”
His words calm me, but there is still a sliver of uncertainty behind my smile.
“Do you want to come with me?” he finally asks.
“No, I’m okay. I have some studying to do anyway.”
“Okay. Tess, you have to remember this is new to me. I’m not used to having to consider other people when I make plans.”
“I know.”
“I can come to your room when I’m finished, or we can go to dinner or something.”
I put my hand on his cheek, then run it through his messy hair. “It’s fine, really, Hardin. Just let me know when you’re finished and we can decide then.”
When we pull up to his house, he leans over and gives me a swift kiss before climbing out of the car.
“I’ll text you,” he says, and bounds up the steps to that damned house.
Chapter seventy-three
The emptiness that I feel after dropping Hardin off is strange, and makes me feel a bit pathetic. After the short drive back to my room, it already feels as if I dropped him off hours ago. Steph isn’t in the room when I get there, but I’m glad. I really do need to study and prepare for my first day at Vance tomorrow: I have to decide what to wear, what to bring, what I am going to say.
Taking out my planner, I plan my week by the hour, then move on to my clothes. Day one at Vance will be my new black skirt and a red top and black heels, not too high but higher than I would have considered wearing two months ago. The outfit is very professional but still feminine. I wonder idly if Hardin will like it.
To keep my mind off him, I complete all of my assignments that are due this week and then some. By the time I finish, the sun has disappeared from the sky and I’m starving, but the cafeteria is already closed. Hardin still hasn’t texted me, so I assume he isn’t planning on coming over tonight.
Grabbing my purse, I head out to find something to eat. I remember seeing a Chinese restaurant near the little library, but by the time I find the place it’s closed. I look up the closest restaurant to me and find a place called the Ice House. When I drive there, the Ice House is small and looks like it’s made out of aluminum, but I’m hungry and the idea of finding another place to eat makes my stomach rumble even more. Going inside, I realize it’s more of a bar that serves food, and that it’s actually quite packed, although to my surprise I manage to find a small table in the back to sit at.
I ignore the glances of the people inside, who must be wondering why I’m here alone, but I always eat alone. I am not one of those people who need someone to go with them everywhere. I go shopping alone, eat out alone, and I have even been to the movies alone a few times when Noah wasn’t able to come. I never really have minded being alone . . . until now, if I’m honest with myself. I miss Hardin more than I should, and it troubles me that he hasn’t even bothered to text me.
I order, and while I’m waiting on my food, the waitress brings me over a pink drink with a yellow umbrella sticking out of the top.
“Oh, I didn’t order this,” I tell her but she sits it down in front of me anyway.
“He did.” She smiles and tilts her head toward the bar area. I immediately hope that it’s Hardin somehow and crane my neck to look. But it’s not. Zed gives me a small wave and a dazzling smile from across the room. Nate walks up and takes the empty bar stool next to him and shoots me a smile as well.
“Oh. Thanks,” I tell her. It seems that every place around this campus allows underage drinking, or maybe these guys only go to the places that do. She assures me that my food will be ready any minute and wanders off.
A few moments later, Zed and Nate come over, pull the chairs out from my table, and take a seat. I hope Zed isn’t angry with me for what happened on Friday.
“You’re the last person that I expected to see in here, especially on a Sunday,” Nate says.
“Yeah, it was an accident. I was going for Chinese but it was closed,” I tell them.
“Have you seen Hardin?” Zed asks with a smile before looking at Nate, who shares a mysterious look with him before turning back to me.
“No, not for a while. You?” I ask them. My nerves are clear in my voice.
“No, not for a few hours but he should be here soon,” Nate answers.
“Here?” I squeak. My food arrives, but I’m no longer hungry. What if Molly is with him? I won’t be able to take it, not after the weekend we just had together.
“Yeah, we come here a lot. I can call him and see when he’ll be here?” Zed suggests but I shake my head.
“No, it’s fine. I’m going to go, actually.” I look around for my waitress to ask for my check.
“You didn’t like the drink?” Zed asks.
“No, well, I didn’t try it. Thanks for getting it for me, but I should go.”
“Are you guys fighting again?” he asks.
Nate begins to say something but Zed shoots him a glare from across the table. What is going on? He takes a sip of his beer and looks at Nate again.
“He said what?” I ask.
“Nothing, he just said you guys were on better terms now.” Zed answers for him. The small bar feels even smaller now, and I am desperate to leave.
“Oh, there they are!” Nate says.
My eyes dart to the door to see Hardin, Logan, Tristan, Steph, and Molly—I knew it. I know they are friends, and I don’t want to come off as controlling or crazy, but I can’t stand Hardin being around that girl.
When Hardin’s eyes meet mine he looks surprised and almost afraid. Not this again. The waitress walks by while they make their way to our table.
“Could I just get my food to go, and get the check, please?” I ask her. She looks surprised, and then looks around at everybody who just showed up and nods, then goes back to the kitchen.
“Why are you going?” Steph asks. The five of them sit at the table next to us. I refuse to allow myself to look over at Hardin. I hate the way he is so different around his friends—why can’t he just be the same Hardin that I had all weekend?
“I . . . well, I have to study,” I lie.
She smiles hopefully. “You should stay—you study too much!”