Chapter fifty-nine
I follow Zed to the kitchen, mentally psyching myself up so I can get through this party. I wanted to go over and curse Hardin out, tell him to never speak to me again, slap him and rip Molly’s pink hair out of her head. However, he would probably just smirk the whole time, so instead I decide to gulp down the entire cherry vodka sour that Zed makes me and ask for another. Hardin has ruined too many of my nights, and I refuse to be that girl.
Zed makes me another sour, but when I hold my cup out again a couple of minutes later, he laughs and holds up his hands. “Whoa, slow down, killer. You already drank two!”
“It just tastes really good.” I laugh and lick the remaining cherry flavor off my lips.
“Well, let’s just take it slow on this one, yeah?”
When I agree, he mixes me up another one and then says, “I think we are about to play another round of Truth or Dare.”
What is with these guys and their annoying games of Truth or Dare? I thought people stopped playing those ridiculous games when they were in high school. The pain in my chest returns as my mind goes over all the things Hardin and Molly may have already been dared to do tonight.
“What did I miss during the last round?” I ask him with the best flirty smile I can manage. I probably look insane, but he smiles back, so it seems to work.
“Just some drunk people sucking face, the usual.” He shrugs. The lump in my throat rises but I swallow it back down with my drink. I give a fake laugh and continue to drink out of my cup as we make our way back to the others. Zed takes a seat on the floor diagonally from Hardin and Molly’s spot on the couch, and I sit down next to him, closer than I usually would, but that’s the point. Part of me had assumed Hardin would have gotten Molly off his lap by now, but he hasn’t. So I lean in a little closer yet to Zed.
Hardin’s eyes draw to slits, but I ignore him. Molly is still perched on his lap like the whore she is, and Steph gives me a sympathetic smile and glances toward Hardin. The vodka is beginning to take its effect as Nate’s turn comes around.
“Truth or dare?” Steph asks.
“Truth,” he answers, and she rolls her eyes.
“Pussy.” Her colorful language never ceases to surprise me. “Okay . . . Is it true that you pissed in Tristan’s closet last weekend?” she asks and they all start laughing except me. I have no clue what they are talking about.
No! I already told you guys that wasn’t me!” he groans, making everyone laugh harder. Zed looks over and winks at me in the middle of the uproar.
I hadn’t really noticed before, but, Geez, he is hot. Really hot.
“Tessa, you playing?” Steph asks and I nod. I look up at Hardin, who is staring at me. I smile at him, then look back at Zed. The frown on Hardin’s face takes a little pressure off my chest. He should feel as terrible as I do.
“Okay, truth or dare?” Molly asks.
Of course she would be the one to ask me.
“Dare,” I bravely say. God knows what she will have me do.
“I dare you to kiss Zed.” A few gasps and chuckles are heard.
“We already know how she feels about kissing people; pick something else,” Hardin says through his teeth.
“Actually, it’s fine.” He wants to play, we can play.
“I don’t think—” Hardin starts to say.
“Shut up, Hardin,” Steph says and gives me an encouraging smile.
I can’t believe I agreed to kiss Zed, even if he’s one of the most attractive people I have ever seen. I have only really kissed Noah and Hardin; I figure Johnny from elementary school doesn’t count, especially since he tasted like glue.
“You sure?” Zed asks. He’s trying to act concerned but I can see the excitement in his perfect features.
“Yeah, I am sure.” I take another drink, forcing myself not to look up at Hardin, lest I change my mind. Everyone’s eyes are on us as Zed licks his lips and leans in to kiss me. His lips are cold from his drink and I can taste the sweetness of the cherry juice on his tongue. His lips are soft, yet hard against mine, and his tongue moves expertly with mine. I feel the heat rising in my stomach, not nearly as hot as with Hardin, but it feels so good that when Zed’s hands move to my waist, we both move up to our knees—
“Okay . . . damn. She said kiss, not fuck in front of everyone,” Hardin says and Molly tells him to shut up.
I let my eyes go over to Hardin, and he looks mad, beyond mad. But he brought this upon himself.
I pull away from Zed and feel my cheeks flush as everyone stares at us. Steph gives me a thumbs-up, but I look at the ground. Zed looks very pleased and I feel embarrassed but thrilled with Hardin’s reaction.
“Tessa, your turn to ask Tristan,” Zed says. Tristan chooses dare, so I give him the least creative dare and have him take a shot.
“Zed, truth or dare?” Tristan asks as he chases his shot.
I down the rest of my drink, and the more I drink, the more numb my emotions become.
“Dare,” Zed answers, and Steph whispers something in Tristan’s ear that makes him grin.
“I dare you to take Tessa upstairs for ten minutes,” Tristan says, and I choke on my breath. This is too much.
“That’s a good one!” Molly says and laughs at my expense.
Zed looks at me as if asking me if I’m okay with it. Without thinking, I stand up and grab Zed’s hand. He looks as surprised as everyone else, but he stands up, too.
“This isn’t part of Truth or Dare, this is . . . um . . . well, it’s fucking dumb,” Hardin says.
“Why does it matter? They are both single and it’s all in good fun, so why do you care?” Molly asks him.
“I . . . I don’t care. I just think it’s stupid,” Hardin answers and my chest hurts again. He obviously had no plan to tell any of his friends that we are . . . were . . . whatever we were. He has been using me this entire time, I am just another girl to him and I was foolish, beyond foolish, to think otherwise.
“Well, good thing it’s none of your business, Hardin,” I snap and pull Zed by the hand.
“Burn!” “Damn!” I hear a few voices say, and Hardin swears at them as Zed and I walk away. We find a random bedroom at the top of the stairs and Zed pulls the door open and turns the light on.
Now that I am away from Hardin, I begin to feel much more nervous being alone with Zed. No matter how angry I am, I don’t want to mess around with Zed. Well, I wouldn’t say I don’t want to, but I know I shouldn’t. I’m not that type of girl.
“So what do you want to do?” I squeak.
He chuckles a little and leads me to the bed. Oh Lord.
“Let’s just talk, yeah?” he says and I nod and look down at the floor. “Not that I wouldn’t love to do many other things with you, but you’re intoxicated and I don’t want to take advantage of you.”
I gasp.
“Surprised?” He beams and I laugh.
“A little,” I admit.
“Why? I’m not a jerk, like Hardin,” he says and I look away again. “You know, I thought you and Hardin had something going on for a little bit.”
“No . . . we are just . . . well, we were friends, but not anymore.” I don’t want to admit how stupid I was for believing Hardin’s lies.
“So are you still seeing your boyfriend from high school?” he asks.
Relieved not to be talking about Hardin, I relax and say, “No, we broke up.”
“Oh, that’s too bad. He was a lucky guy,” he says with a sweet smile.
Zed is so charming. I find myself staring into his caramel eyes; his eyelashes are fuller than mine. “Thanks.”
“Maybe I could take you out sometime? On a proper date? Like, not into a bedroom at a frat party,” he says, then chuckles nervously.
“Um . . .” I don’t know what to say.
“How about I ask again tomorrow when you’re sober?” He is much nicer than I thought he would be. Usually guys as attractive as him are jerks . . . like Hardin.
Deal.”
He takes my hand again. “All right then! Let’s go back down.”
When we walk back downstairs, Hardin and Molly are still on the couch, but Hardin now has a drink and Molly has moved so her legs are draped over him from the side. When Hardin’s eyes dart down to where my hand is intertwined with Zed’s, I jerk away without thinking, but then grab it again quickly. Hardin clenches his jaw and I look away into the crowd of partiers.
“How was it?” Molly smirks.
“Fun,” I answer and Zed stays quiet. I will thank him later for not correcting me.
“It’s Molly’s turn,” Nate announces as we sit back on the floor.
“Truth or dare?” Hardin asks her.
“Dare, of course.”
And Hardin looks right into my eyes and says, “I dare you to kiss me.”
My heart stops, literally. It stops beating; he is a bigger asshole than I ever imagined. My ears are swimming and my heart is pounding as Molly shoots a boastful glance my way before she latches herself to Hardin. All the anger I feel toward Hardin is washed away and replaced by hurt, all-consuming hurt and the feel of hot tears on my face. I can’t watch anymore, I just can’t.
Within seconds, I’m on my feet and pushing through the drunk crowd. I hear Zed and Steph both call after me, but the room feels like it’s spinning and when I close my eyes all I can see is Molly and Hardin. Knocking into people and not looking back, I finally reach the door and the fresh air outside fills my lungs and brings me back to reality.
How could he be so cruel? I run down the stairs on the sidewalk. I have to get away from here. I wish I had never met him, I wish I had had a different roommate. I even wish I had never come to WCU.
“Tessa!” I hear and I turn around, convinced I am imagining it until I see Hardin running after me.
Chapter sixty
I have never been very athletic, but my adrenaline is in full effect and I push my legs to go faster. I reach the end of the street, but begin to tire. Where the hell am I going to go? I don’t remember the path that I walked back to my dorm last time, and I stupidly left my phone in my room. To prove a point. About my independence from Hardin. Hardin, who’s chasing me and yelling, “Tessa, stop!”
And I do stop. I stop dead in my tracks. Why am I even running from him? He needs to explain why he keeps playing games with me.
“What did Zed say to you?”
What? When I turn around to face him, he is only a few feet away and has a shocked expression; he didn’t actually expect I would stop.
“What, Hardin! What could you possibly want from me?” I scream. My heart is pounding from running, and from his breaking it.
“I . . .” He seems to be at a loss for words for once. “Did Zed say something to you?”
“No . . . why would he?” I take another step forward so I am face-to-face with him, my anger rolling off me in waves.
“I’m sorry, okay?” he says quietly. He looks into my eyes and reaches his hand out to take mine, but I swat it away. He ignores my question about Zed but I am too mad to care.
“You’re sorry? You’re sorry?” I repeat, my voice coming out in a laugh.
“Yeah, I am.”
“Go to hell, Hardin.” I begin to walk away, but he grabs my arm again. My anger boils over and my hand flies up and smacks him, hard. I am as surprised by my own violence as he is, and I almost want to apologize for hitting him, but the pain he has caused me is so much more than a cuff on the cheek.
His hand moves to his face, slowly rubbing over the red skin of his cheek. He looks at me, anger and confusion stirring behind his eyes.
“What the hell is your problem? You were the one kissing Zed!” he yells. A car passes and the driver stares but I ignore him. I don’t care about causing a scene right now.
“You’re not seriously trying to blame me! You lied to me and played me like a fool, Hardin! Just when I thought I could trust you, you humiliate me! If you wanted to be with Molly, why not just tell me to leave you alone? No, instead, you feed me that bullshit about wanting more and beg me to stay the night with you just so you can use me! What was the point—what did you get out of it—oh, besides a blow job?” I scream. The word tastes odd coming out of my mouth.
“What? You think that’s what I am doing? You think I’m using you?” he shouts.
“No, that’s not what I think, Hardin—that’s what I know. But guess what? I’m done, I am so beyond done. I will change dorms if I have to so I don’t have to see you again!” I say, and mean it. I don’t need any of these people making my life worse.
“You’re overreacting,” he says flatly, and it takes everything in me not to slap him again.
“I’m overreacting? You didn’t tell your friends about us—you didn’t tell me about this party, and then you left me standing in the parking lot like a dumbass while you left with Molly, of all people! Then I show up here to find Molly on your lap, and then you kiss her. Right in front of me, Hardin. I’d say my reaction is quite justified,” I say, my voice drawing to a whisper at the end, exhausted. I wipe fresh tears from my face and blink up at the night sky.
“You kissed Zed right in front of me! And I didn’t tell you about the party because I don’t have to! You wouldn’t have wanted to come anyway—you would have been too busy studying or watching the damn paint dry,” he barks.
I look at his blurry form through my watery eyes and ask him simply, “So why even waste your time with me? Why even follow me out here, Hardin?” When he doesn’t say anything, I have my answer. “That’s what I thought. You thought you could come out here and say sorry and I would accept and stay a secret, your boring little hidden girlfriend. You’re wrong; you took my kindness for weakness and you were sadly mistaken.”
Girlfriend? You thought you were my girlfriend?” he howls.
The pain in my chest is magnified by a thousand and I can barely stand. “No . . . I,” I start to say. I don’t know what to say.
“You did, didn’t you?” he says, laughing.
“You know . . . I did,” I admit. I am already humiliated, so I have nothing to lose. “You fed me that bullshit about wanting more, and I believed you. I believed all the shit you said to me, all the things you claimed to never tell anyone, but I’m sure that was all bullshit, too. I’m sure none of that even happened.” I shrug, giving up completely. “But you know what? I’m not even mad at you; I’m mad at myself for believing it. I knew how you were before I started to fall for you. I knew you would hurt me. What were your words, You’ll destroy me? No, ruin, you’ll ruin me. Well, congratulations, Hardin, you won,” I sob.
Pain flashes in his eyes . . . well, what looks like pain. It is probably humor.
I no longer care about winning or losing or playing these exhausting games. I turn away from him again and begin to walk back toward the house, figuring I’ll find someone’s phone to use to call Landon or somehow get a ride back to the dorms.
“Where are you going?” he asks. It hurts that he doesn’t have anything to say, that he has offered me no explanation. He has only confirmed what I already knew, that he is heartless.
I walk faster, ignoring him. He trails behind me, calling my name a couple more times, but I refuse to let myself be charmed by his voice again.
When I get back to the house’s front steps, of course I spot Molly’s pink hair outside. “Aww, look, she is waiting for you. You two really are perfect for each other,” I call over my shoulder to Hardin.
“It’s not like that and you know it,” he grumbles.
“I don’t know anything, obviously,” I snap and climb two steps at a time.
Zed appears in the doorway, and I rush to his side. “Can I use your phone? Please?” I beg and he nods.
“Are you okay? I tried to go after you, but you were long gone,” he says and I nod.
Hardin stands in front of Zed and me while I call Landon and ask him to pick me up. Zed and Hardin stare at each other for a second when they hear me say Landon’s name, then Zed looks away and back down at me. “Is he coming?” he asks, his voice full of concern.
“Yeah, he will be here in a few minutes. Thank you for letting me use your phone,” I tell him, ignoring Hardin.
“No problem. Do you want me to wait with you?” he asks.
“No, I will wait with her,” Hardin injects, his voice full of venom.
“I would love it if you could wait with me, Zed,” I say and walk back down the steps with him. Hardin, being the asshole that he is, follows us and stands behind us awkwardly. Steph, Tristan, and Molly trickle down, too.
“Are you okay?” Steph asks.
“Yeah,” I say, nodding. “I’m leaving, though. I shouldn’t have even come here.”
When Steph hugs me, Molly mutters under her breath, “You got that right.”
My head snaps around at the sound of her voice. I hate confrontation usually, but I hate Molly even more. “You’re right! I shouldn’t be here. I’m not as adept as you at getting drunk and hanging all over every guy in the place.”
“Excuse me?” she says.
“You heard me.”
“What’s your problem? Mad that I kissed Hardin? Because, guess what, sweetie, I kiss Hardin all the time,” she brags.
I feel the blood draining from my face. I look at Hardin, who doesn’t say anything. So he’s been messing with Molly the entire time? This doesn’t surprise me as much as it should. I don’t even have a comeback for her. I try to think of something to say back, anything really, but I can’t. I’m sure as soon as I walk away I will think of ten replies, but right now I have nothing.
“Let’s go inside . . .” Tristan suggests and grabs Molly and Steph by their arms. I try to give him a thankful smile as they start to go.
“You too, Hardin. Get away from me,” I say and stare at the street.
“I haven’t kissed her, I mean lately. Except for tonight. I swear,” he says.
Why is he saying this in front of them?
Molly turns around.