Vampire Academy #1

She sat in the chapel’s attic, crying. She didn’t entirely know why she was crying either. She felt happy and relieved that I’d been unharmed, that she’d been able to heal me. At the same time, she felt weak in both body and mind. She burned inside, like she’d lost part of herself. She worried I’d be mad because she’d used her powers. She dreaded going through another school day tomorrow, pretending she liked being with a crowd who had no other interests aside from spending their families’ money and making fun of those less beautiful and less popular. She didn’t want to go to the dance with Aaron and see him watch her so adoringly – and feel him touching her – when she felt only friendship for him.

Most of these were all normal concerns, but they hit her hard, harder than they would an ordinary person, I thought. She couldn’t sort through them or figure out how to fix them.

“You okay?”

She looked up and brushed the hair away from where it stuck to her wet cheeks. Christian stood in the entrance to the attic. She hadn’t even heard him come up the stairs. She’d been too lost in her own grief. A flicker of both longing and anger sparked within her.

“I’m fine,” she snapped. Sniffling, she tried to stop her tears, not wanting him to see her weak.

Leaning against the wall, he crossed his arms and wore an unreadable expression. “Do…do you want to talk?”

“Oh…” She laughed harshly. “You want to talk now? After I tried so many times – “

“I didn’t want that! That was Rose – “

He cut himself off and I flinched. I was totally busted.

Lissa stood up and strode toward him. “What about Rose?”

“Nothing.” His mask of indifference slipped back into place. “Forget it.”

“What about Rose?” She stepped closer. Even through her anger, she still felt that inexplicable attraction to him. And then she understood. “She made you, didn’t she? She told you to stop talking to me?”

He stared stonily ahead. “It was probably for the best. I would have just messed things up for you. You wouldn’t be where you are now.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“What do you think it means? God. People live or die at your command now, Your Highness.”

“You’re being kind of melodramatic.”

“Am I? All day, I hear people talking about what you’re doing and what you’re thinking and what you’re wearing. Whether you’ll approve. Who you like. Who you hate. They’re your puppets.”

“It’s not like that. Besides, I had to do it. To get back at Mia…”

Rolling his eyes, he looked away from her. “You don’t even know what you’re getting back at her for.”

Lissa’s anger flared. “She set up Jesse and Ralf to say those things about Rose! I couldn’t let her get away with that.”

“Rose is tough. She would have gotten over it.”

“You didn’t see her,” she replied obstinately. “She was crying.”

“So? People cry. You’re crying.”

“Not Rose.”

He turned back to her, a dark smile curling his lips. “I’ve never seen anything like you two. Always so worried about each other. I get her thing – some kind of weird guardian hang-up – but you’re just the same.”

“She’s my friend.”

“I guess it’s that simple. I wouldn’t know.” He sighed, momentarily thoughtful, then snapped back to sarcastic mode. “Anyway. Mia. So you got back at her over what she did to Rose. But you’re missing the point. Why did she do it?”

Lissa frowned. “Because she was jealous about me and Aaron – “

“More to it than that, Princess. What did she have to be jealous about? She already had him. She didn’t need to attack you to drive that home. She could have just made a big show of being all over him. Sort of like you are now,” he added wryly.

“Okay. What else is there, then? Why did she want to ruin my life? I never did anything to her – before all this, I mean.”

He leaned forward, crystal-blue eyes boring into hers.

“You’re right. You didn’t – but your brother did.”

Lissa pulled away from him. “You don’t know anything about my brother.”

“I know he screwed Mia over. Literally.”

“Stop it, stop lying.”

“I’m not. Swear to God or whoever else you want to believe in. I used to talk to Mia now and then, back when she was a freshman. She wasn’t very popular, but she was smart. Still is. She used to work on a lot of committees with royals – dances and stuff. I don’t know all of it. But she got to know your brother on one of those, and they sort of got together.”

“They did not. I would have known. Andre would have told me.”

“Nope. He didn’t tell anyone. He told her not to either. He convinced her it should be some kind of romantic secret when really, he just didn’t want any of his friends to find out he was getting naked with a non-royal freshman.”

“If Mia told you that, she was making it up,” exclaimed Lissa.

“Yeah, well, I don’t think she was making it up when I saw her crying. He got tired of her after a few weeks and dumped her. Told her she was too young and that he couldn’t really get serious with someone who wasn’t from a good family. From what I understand, he wasn’t even nice about it either – didn’t even bother with the ¡®let’s be friends’ stuff.”

Lissa pushed herself into Christian’s face. “You didn’t even know Andre! He would never have done that.”

“You didn’t know him. I’m sure he was nice to his baby sister; I’m sure he loved you. But in school, with his friends, he was just as much of a jerk as the rest of the royals. I saw him because I see everything. Easy when no one notices you.”

She held back a sob, unsure whether to believe him or not. “So this is why Mia hates me?”

“Yup. She hates you because of him. That, and because you’re royal and she’s insecure around all royals, which is why she worked so hard to claw up the ranks and be their friend. I think it’s a coincidence that she ended up with your ex-boyfriend, but now that you’re back, that probably made it worse. Between stealing him and spreading those stories about her parents, you guys really picked the best ways to make her suffer. Nice work.”

The smallest pang of guilt lurched inside of her. “I still think you’re lying.”

“I’m a lot of things, but I’m not a liar. That’s your department. And Rose’s.”

“We don’t – “

“Exaggerate stories about people’s families? Say that you hate me? Pretend to be friends with people you think are stupid? Date a guy you don’t like?”

“I like him.”

“Like or like?”

“Oh, there’s a difference?”

“Yes. Like is when you date a big, blond moron and laugh at his stupid jokes.”

Then, out of nowhere, he leaned forward and kissed her. It was hot and fast and furious, an outpouring of the rage and passion and longing that Christian always kept locked inside of him. Lissa had never been kissed like that, and I felt her respond to it, respond to him – how he made her feel so much more alive than Aaron or anyone else could.

Christian pulled back from the kiss but still kept his face next to hers.

“That’s what you do with someone you like.”

Lissa’s heart pounded with both anger and desire. “Well, I don’t like or like you. And I think you and Mia are both lying about Andre. Aaron would never make up anything like that.”

“That’s because Aaron doesn’t say anything that requires words of more than one syllable.”

She pulled away. “Get out. Get away from me.”

He looked around comically. “You can’t throw me out. We both signed the lease.”

“Get. Out!” she yelled. “I hate you!”

He bowed. “Anything you want, Your Highness.” With a final dark look, he left the attic.

Lissa sank to her knees, letting out the tears she’d held back from him. I could barely make sense out of all the things hurting her. God only knew things upset me – like the Jesse incident – but they didn’t attack me in the same way. They swirled within her, beating at her brain. The stories about Andre. Mia’s hate. Christian’s kiss. Healing me. This, I realized, was what real depression felt like. What madness felt like.

Overcome, drowning in her own pain, Lissa made the only decision she could. The only thing she could do to channel all of these emotions. She opened up her purse and found the tiny razor blade she always carried…

Sickened, yet unable to break away, I felt as she cut her left arm, making perfectly even marks, watching as the blood flowed across her white skin. As always, she avoided veins, but her cuts were deeper this time. The cutting stung horribly, yet in doing it, she was able to focus on the physical pain, distract herself from the mental anguish so that she could feel like she was in control.

Drops of blood splattered onto the dusty floor, and her world began spinning. Seeing her own blood intrigued her. She had taken blood from others her entire life. Me. The feeders. Now, here it was, leaking out. With a nervous giggle, she decided it was funny. Maybe by letting it out, she was giving it back to those she’d stolen it from. Or maybe she was wasting it, wasting the sacred Dragomir blood that everyone obsessed over.