29. INEVITABILITY
ALICE HAD SEEN THE MOMENT WHEN BELLA WOULD FINALLY OPEN HER eyes. There were practical reasons why I needed to have some time alone with her before she spoke to anyone else; Bella knew nothing of our cover actions. Of course, Alice or Carlisle could have handled this, and Bella was bright enough to feign amnesia until she could get her story straight, but Alice knew I needed more than just to clear up the narrative.
Over the hours of waiting, Alice had introduced herself to Renée, and then proceeded to charm her until they were now close confidantes, in Renée’s head, at least. It was Alice who convinced Renée to go have lunch at the perfect time.
This was just after one o’clock in the afternoon. I’d had the blinds closed against the morning sun, but I’d be able to crack them soon. The sun was on the other side of the hospital now.
Once Renée was gone, I pulled my chair close to Bella’s bed, resting my elbows on the edge of the mattress next to her shoulder. I didn’t know if she would have felt the time passing, or if her mind would still be back in that accursed room of mirrors. She would need reassurance, and I knew her well enough to be sure that my face would comfort her. For good or ill, I put her at ease.
She started to fidget right on schedule. She’d moved before, but this was a more concentrated effort. Her forehead creased when her efforts caused her pain, and the little stress v appeared between her brows. As I had so often wanted to do, I brushed softly across that v with my index finger, trying to erase it. It faded slightly, and her eyes started to flutter. The beeping of her heart rate monitor accelerated slightly.
Her eyes opened, then closed. She tried again, squinting against the brightness of the overhead lights. She looked away, toward the window, while her eyes adjusted. Her heart was beating faster now. Hands struggling with the monitor lines, she reached for the tubing under her nose, obviously meaning to remove it. I caught her hand.
“No you don’t,” I said quietly.
As soon as she heard my voice, her heart started to slow.
“Edward?” She couldn’t turn her head as far as she wanted. I leaned closer. Our eyes met, and hers, still dotted with red, started filling with tears. “Oh, Edward, I’m so sorry.”
It hurt in a very specific and piercing kind of way when she apologized to me.
“Shhh,” I insisted. “Everything’s all right now.”
“What happened?” she asked, her forehead wrinkling as though she was trying to solve a riddle.
I’d had my answer planned. I’d thought through the gentlest way to explain. Instead, my own fears and remorse came flooding through my lips.
“I was almost too late. I could have been too late.”
She stared at me for a long moment, and I watched as the memories returned. She winced, and her breathing accelerated. “I was so stupid, Edward. I thought he had my mom.”
“He tricked us all.”
Urgency had her brows pulling together. “I need to call Charlie and my mom.”
“Alice called them.” She’d taken over for Carlisle, and now she chatted with Charlie several times a day. Like Renée, he was entirely bewitched. I knew Alice had been planning the post-wakeup call. She was excited it would happen today. “Renée is here—well, here in the hospital. She’s getting something to eat right now.”
Bella shifted her weight as if she was about to lurch out of bed. “She’s here?”
I caught her shoulder and held her in place. She blinked a few times, looking around herself, dizzy.
“She’ll be back soon,” I assured her. “And you need to stay still.”
This didn’t calm her the way I’d intended. Her eyes were panicked. “But what did you tell her? Why did you tell her I’m here?”
I smiled slightly. “You fell down two flights of stairs and through a window.”
Given the way both her parents had accepted our story—not just that it was possible, but that it was somehow to be expected—I felt justified in adding, “You have to admit, it could happen.”
She sighed, but she seemed calmer now that she knew the alibi. She stared down at her sheet-covered body for a few seconds.
“How bad am I?” she asked.
I listed off the larger injuries. “You have a broken leg, four broken ribs, some cracks in your skull, bruises covering every inch of your skin, and you’ve lost a lot of blood. They gave you a few transfusions. I didn’t like it—it made you smell all wrong for a while.”
She smiled, and then winced. “That must have been a nice change for you.”
“No, I like how you smell.”
She looked carefully into my eyes then, searching. After a long moment of this, she asked, “How did you do it?”
I didn’t know why this subject was so unpleasant. I had succeeded. I knew Emmett, Jasper, and Alice were awestruck by my accomplishment. But I couldn’t see it the same way. It had been too close. I remembered with such unbearable clarity how badly my body had wanted to stay in that bliss forever.
I couldn’t meet her gaze any longer. I looked down at her hand, taking it carefully into mine. The wires spilled out on either side.
“I’m not sure,” I whispered.
She didn’t speak, and I could feel her eyes on me, waiting for a better answer. I sighed.
My words were barely louder than a breath. “It was impossible… to stop. Impossible. But I did.”
I tried to smile at her then, to meet her gaze. “I must love you.”
“Don’t I taste as good as I smell?” She grinned at her joke, then flinched, feeling the damage to her cheekbone.
I didn’t try to play along with her lighthearted tone. Obviously, she shouldn’t be smiling.
“Even better,” I answered honestly, if a little bitterly. “Better than I’d imagined.”
“I’m sorry.”
I rolled my eyes. “Of all the things to apologize for.”
She examined my expression, and seemed unsatisfied by what she found. “What should I apologize for?”
Nothing, I wanted to say, but I could see she was in an apologetic mood, so I gave her something to reflect on. “For very nearly taking yourself away from me forever.”
She nodded absently, accepting that. “I’m sorry.”
I stroked the back of her hand, wondering if she could feel my touch through all the dressings. “I know why you did it. It was still irrational, of course. You should have waited for me, you should have told me.”
This made no sense to her. “You wouldn’t have let me go.”
“No,” I said through my teeth. “I wouldn’t.”
Her eyes were far away for a moment, and her heart sped. A shudder rocked through her, and then she hissed at the pain that caused.
“Bella, what’s wrong?”
She whimpered. “What happened to James?”
Well, I could set her at ease about this much. “After I pulled him off you, Emmett and Jasper took care of him.”
She frowned, winced, then smoothed her expression. “I didn’t see Emmett and Jasper there.”
“They had to leave the room… there was a lot of blood.” A river of it. For a second, it felt as though I were still stained with it.
“But you stayed,” she breathed.
“Yes, I stayed.”
“And Alice, and Carlisle…” Her voice was full of wonder.
I smiled just a little. “They love you, too, you know.”
Her expression was abruptly anxious again. “Did Alice see the tape?”
“Yes.”
It was a subject we were currently avoiding. I knew she was doing her own research, and she knew I wasn’t ready to discuss it with her yet.
“She was always in the dark,” Bella said urgently. “That’s why she didn’t remember.”
It was so very Bella that all her concern would be focused on someone else, even in this moment.
“I know. She understands now.”
I wasn’t sure what my face was doing, but it concerned Bella. She tried to reach up, to touch my cheek, but stopped when the IV pulled at her hand.
“Ugh,” she groaned.
Had she dislodged the IV? Her motion hadn’t been that rough, but it wasn’t as if I could examine it closely.
“What is it?” I demanded.
“Needles,” she said. She was staring up at the ceiling now, concentrating as if there were something more riveting than basic acoustic tiles above her. She took a deep breath, and I was stunned to see some pale green edging her lips.
“Afraid of a needle,” I grumbled. “Oh, a sadistic vampire, intent on torturing her to death, sure, no problem, she runs off to meet him. An IV, on the other hand…”
She rolled her eyes. The green was already fading.
Then her eyes cut to me and she asked in a troubled tone, “Why are you here?”
I’d thought… but that didn’t matter. “Do you want me to leave?”
Maybe what I needed to do would be easier than I’d thought. Pain stabbed through the general region of my obsolete heart.
“No!” she protested; it was almost a shout. She deliberately moderated her volume back to a near whisper. “No, I meant, why does my mother think you’re here? I need to have my story straight before she gets back.”
“Oh.”
Of course it wouldn’t be that easy. So many times I’d thought she was done with me, but she never was.
“I came to Phoenix to talk some sense into you,” I explained, using the same sincere and guileless voice I used when I needed the nurses to believe that I was supposed to stay in this room. “To convince you to come back to Forks. You agreed to see me, and you drove out to the hotel where I was staying with Carlisle and Alice.” I opened my eyes wide, made them extra innocent. “Of course I was here with parental supervision.… But you tripped on the stairs on the way to my room and… well, you know the rest. You don’t need to remember any details, though; you have a good excuse to be a little muddled about the finer points.”
She considered this for a second. “There are a few flaws with that story. Like no broken windows.”
I couldn’t help grinning. “Not really. Alice had a little bit too much fun fabricating evidence. It’s all been taken care of very convincingly—you could probably sue the hotel if you wanted to.”
This idea obviously scandalized her.
I stroked her unbruised cheek softly. “You have nothing to worry about. Your only job now is to heal.”
And then her heart started racing. I looked for signs of pain, I thought through my words for something upsetting, but then I noticed the dilation of her pupils and realized. She was responding to my touch.
Her eyes focused on the machine beeping out her heart’s excesses, and narrowed. “That’s going to be embarrassing.”
I laughed quietly at her expression. A light blush was coloring her good cheek.
“Hmm, I wonder.…”
I was already only inches from her face. Slowly, I erased that distance. Her heart raced faster. When I kissed her, my lips barely brushing against hers, that rhythm stuttered. Her heart literally skipped a beat.
I jerked away from her, anxious until her heart resumed a healthy cadence.
“It seems that I’m going to have to be even more careful with you than usual.”
She frowned, winced, then said, “I was not finished kissing you. Don’t make me come over there.”
I smiled at the threat, then gently kissed her again, quitting as soon as her heart started acting up. It was a very short kiss.
She looked about to complain, but this experiment had to be put on hold regardless.
I scooted my chair a foot from her bed. “I think I hear your mother.”
Renée was climbing the stairs now, on her way to get some quarters from her bag, worrying about the junk food she’d been consuming over the past few days. She wished she had time for a gym visit, but for now the stairs would have to do.
Bella’s face contorted. I assumed it was pain. I leaned close again, desperate for something to do.
“Don’t leave me,” Bella said, a sob close to the surface of her voice. Her eyes were tight with fear.
I didn’t want to think about this reaction.
In my head, Alice’s vision tormented me. Bella, curled in on herself in agony, gasping for air.…
I gathered myself for a moment, then tried to answer casually. “I won’t. I’ll… take a nap.”
I grinned at her and then dashed to the turquoise easy chair and reclined it all the way back. After all, Renée had told me to use it whenever I needed a break. I closed my eyes.
“Don’t forget to breathe,” she whispered. I remembered her playing asleep for her father’s benefit, and fought a smile. I took an exaggerated breath.
Renée was walking by the nurses’ station now.
“Any change?” she asked the nurse’s assistant on duty, a solid younger woman named Bea. It was clear from Renée’s absentminded tone that she expected a negative response. She kept walking.
“Actually, there’s been some fluctuation on her monitors. I was about to go in.”
Oh no, I shouldn’t have left.
Renée was taking longer strides now, worried. “I’ll check on her and let you know.…”
The aide, rising out of her chair, sat back down again, bowing to Renée’s desires.
Bella twitched and the bed squeaked. It was obvious how much her mother’s distress upset her.
Renée opened the door quietly. Of course she wanted Bella to wake up, but it still felt rude to be noisy.
“Mom!” Bella whispered joyously.
I couldn’t see Renée’s expression while pretending to sleep, but her thoughts were overwhelmed. I heard her footsteps falter. And then she noticed my sleeping form.
“He never leaves, does he?” she mumbled quietly, and shouted mentally—I’d gotten used to the volume, though; it wasn’t as startling as it used to be. But she was a little appeased. She’d begun to wonder if I ever slept.
“Mom, I’m so glad to see you!” Bella enthused.
Renée was startled for a second by Bella’s bloodstained eyes. Her own started to well with tears at this fresh proof of Bella’s suffering.
I peeked through my lids to watch Renée gingerly embrace her daughter. The tears had overflowed onto Renée’s cheeks.
“Bella, I was so upset!”
“I’m sorry, Mom. But everything’s fine now, it’s okay.”
It was uncomfortable to listen to Bella, in her condition, soothe her healthy mother, but I supposed this had always been their relationship. Perhaps the way Renée’s unique mind interacted with others had made her into a something of a narcissist. It would be hard to avoid, when everyone catered to your unspoken needs.
“I’m just glad to finally see your eyes open.” Though she winced internally again at their gruesome condition.
There was a moment of silence, and then Bella asked doubtfully, “How long have they been closed?”
I realized this was something we’d not yet discussed.
“It’s Friday, hon,” Renée told her. “You’ve been out for a while.”
Bella was shocked. “Friday?”
“They had to keep you sedated for a while, honey—you’ve got a lot of injuries.”
“I know,” Bella agreed with emphasis. I wondered how much pain she was in now.
“You’re lucky Dr. Cullen was there. He’s such a nice man.… Very young, though. And he looks more like a model than a doctor.…”
“You met Carlisle?”
“And Edward’s sister Alice. She’s a lovely girl.”
“She is!”
Renée’s piercing thoughts turned to me again. “You didn’t tell me you had such good friends in Forks.”
Very, very good friends.
Suddenly, Bella moaned.
My eyes opened of their own accord. They didn’t give me away; Renée’s gaze was trained on Bella, too.
“What hurts?” she demanded.
“It’s fine,” Bella assured Renée, though I could tell the assurance was for me, too. Our eyes locked for a second before I closed mine again. “I just have to remember not to move.”
Renée fluttered uselessly over her daughter’s inert form. When Bella spoke again, her voice was bright. “Where’s Phil?”
Renée was totally distracted, which I thought was rather the point.
I haven’t told her the good news. Oh, she’ll be so happy.
“Florida—oh, Bella! You’ll never guess! Just when we were about to leave, the best news!”
“Phil got signed?” Bella asked. I could hear the smile in her voice, sure of the answer.
“Yes! How did you guess? The Suns, can you believe it?”
“That’s great, Mom,” Bella said, but there was a little blankness in her tone that told me she had no idea who the Suns were.
“And you’ll like Jacksonville so much.” Renée was nearly bursting with enthusiasm. Her thoughts shouted along with her words, and I was sure those thoughts would work on Bella the way they worked on everyone else. She began to gush about the weather, the ocean, the adorable yellow house with the white trim, never doubting that Bella would be just as thrilled as she was.
I knew every aspect of Renée’s plan for Bella’s future. Renée had mentally enthused about her happy news a hundred times while we waited for Bella to wake. In many ways, her plan was exactly the answer I’d been looking for.
“Wait, Mom!” Bella said, confused. I imagined Renée’s enthusiasm smothering her like a heavy down comforter. “What are you talking about? I’m not going to Florida. I live in Forks.”
“But you don’t have to anymore, silly.” Renée laughed. “Phil will be able to be around so much more now.… We’ve talked about it a lot, and what I’m going to do is trade off on the away games, half the time with you, half the time with him.”
Renée waited for Bella’s delight to dawn.
“Mom,” Bella said slowly, “I want to live in Forks. I’m already settled in at school, and I have a couple of girlfriends.…”
Renée’s eyes shifted to glare at me again.
“And Charlie needs me,” Bella continued. “He’s just all alone up there, and he can’t cook at all.”
“You want to stay in Forks?” Renée asked as though the words made no sense in that order. “Why?”
That boy is the real reason.
“I told you—school, Charlie—ouch!”
Again, I had to look. Renée hovered over Bella, her hands reaching out hesitantly, not sure where to touch. She ended up putting one hand on Bella’s forehead.
“Bella, honey, you hate Forks.” Renée sounded concerned that Bella had forgotten.
Bella’s voice took on a defensive edge. “It’s not so bad.”
Renée decided to cut to the heart of it.
“Is it this boy?” she whispered. It was more an accusation than a question.
Bella hesitated, then admitted, “He’s part of it.… So, have you had a chance to talk with Edward?”
“Yes, and I want to talk to you about that.”
“What about?” Bella responded innocently.
“I think that boy is in love with you,” Renée whispered.
“I think so, too.”
Is Bella in love? How much have I missed? How could she not tell me? What am I supposed to do?
“And… how do you feel about him?”
Bella sighed, and then her tone was nonchalant. “I’m pretty crazy about him.”
“Well, he seems very nice, and my goodness, he’s incredibly good-looking, but you’re so young, Bella.…”
And you’re too much like Charlie. It’s too soon.
“I know that, Mom,” Bella agreed easily. “Don’t worry about it. It’s just a crush.”
“That’s right,” Renée said.
Good. So she’s not getting all intense and Charlie-ish about this. Oh, is that the time? I’m late.
Bella picked up on Renée’s sudden distraction. “Do you need to go?”
“Phil’s supposed to call in a little while.… I didn’t know you were going to wake up.…”
The phone is probably ringing at the house right now. I should have found the number here.
“No problem, Mom.” Bella couldn’t entirely hide her relief. “I won’t be alone.”
“I’ll be back soon. I’ve been sleeping here, you know,” Renée added, flaunting her Good Mother behavior.
“Oh, Mom, you don’t have to do that!” Bella was upset by the idea of her mother sacrificing for her. That wasn’t the direction their relationship went. “You can sleep at home—I’ll never notice.”
“I was too nervous,” Renée admitted, self-aware enough to sound sheepish after her brag. “There’s been some crime in the neighborhood, and I don’t like being there alone.”
“Crime?” Bella was instantly on high alert.
“Someone broke into that dance studio around the corner from the house and burned it to the ground—there’s nothing left at all! And they left a stolen car right out front. Do you remember when you used to dance there, honey?”
We weren’t the only ones who had stolen cars. The tracker’s had actually been parked around the south side of the dance studio. We hadn’t known to clean up his crimes as well as our own. And it was helpful to our alibis, as that car had been boosted a day before we’d arrived in Phoenix.
“I remember,” Bella said with a quaver in her voice.
I had a difficult time holding my position. Renée, too, was moved.
“I can stay, baby, if you need me.”
“No, Mom, I’ll be fine. Edward will be with me.”