“Do you really need to go to Seattle this Saturday, or was that just an excuse to get out of saying no to all your admirers?”
She scowled at me. “You know, I haven’t forgiven you for the Tyler thing yet. It’s your fault that he’s deluded himself into thinking I’m going to prom with him.”
“Oh, he would have found a chance to ask you without me—I just really wanted to watch your face.”
I laughed now, remembering her aghast expression. Nothing I’d told her about my own dark story had ever made her look so horrified.
“If I’d asked you, would you have turned me down?”
“Probably not,” she said. “But I would have canceled later—faked an illness or a sprained ankle.”
How strange. “Why would you do that?”
She shook her head, as if she was disappointed that I did not understand at once. “You’ve never seen me in Gym, I guess, but I would have thought that you would understand.”
Ah. “Are you referring to the fact that you can’t walk across a flat, stable surface without finding something to trip over?”
“Obviously.”
“That wouldn’t be a problem. It’s all in the leading.”
For a brief fraction of a second, I was overwhelmed by the idea of holding her in my arms at a dance—where she would surely wear something pretty and delicate rather than this hideous sweater.
With perfect clarity, I remembered how her body had felt under mine after I’d thrown her out of the way of the oncoming van. Stronger than the panic or the desperation, I could remember that sensation. She’d been so warm and so soft, fitting easily into my own stone shape…
I wrenched myself back from the memory.
“But you never told me—” I said quickly, preventing her from arguing with me, as she clearly intended to do. “Are you resolved on going to Seattle, or do you mind if we do something different?”
Devious—giving her a choice without giving her the option of getting away from me for the day. Hardly fair. But I had made her a promise last night. Too casually, too thoughtlessly, but still… if I was ever going to earn the trust she’d given me despite my unworthiness, I would have to keep every promise I could. Even if the idea terrified me.
The sun would be shining Saturday. I could show her the real me, if I was brave enough to endure her horror and disgust. I knew just the place to take such a risk.
“I’m open to alternatives,” Bella said. “But I do have a favor to ask.”
A qualified yes. What would she want from me?
“What?”
“Can I drive?”
Was this her idea of humor? “Why?”
“Well, mostly because when I told Charlie I was going to Seattle, he specifically asked if I was going alone and, at the time, I was. If he asked again, I probably wouldn’t lie, but I don’t think he will ask again, and leaving my truck at home would just bring up the subject unnecessarily. And also, because your driving frightens me.”
I rolled my eyes at her. “Of all the things about me that could frighten you, you worry about my driving.” Truly, her brain worked backward. I shook my head, disgusted. Why couldn’t she fear the right things? Why couldn’t I want her to?
I wasn’t able to keep up the playful tone of our banter. “Won’t you want to tell your father that you’re spending the day with me?” I asked, darkness seeping into my voice as I thought of all the reasons that was important, already guessing what her answer would be.
“With Charlie, less is always more,” Bella said, certain of this fact. “Where are we going, anyway?”
“The weather will be nice,” I told her slowly, fighting the panic and indecision. How much would I regret this choice? “So I’ll be staying out of the public eye… and you can stay with me, if you’d like to.”
Bella caught the significance at once. Her eyes were bright and eager. “And you’ll show me what you meant, about the sun?”
Maybe, like so many times before, her reaction would be the opposite of what I expected. I smiled at that possibility, struggling to return to the lighter moment. “Yes. But”—she hadn’t said yes—“if you don’t want to be… alone with me, I’d still rather you didn’t go to Seattle by yourself. I shudder to think of the trouble you could find in a city that size.”
Her lips pressed together; she was offended.
“Phoenix is three times bigger than Seattle—just in population. In physical size—”
“But apparently your number wasn’t up in Phoenix,” I said, cutting off her justifications. “So I’d rather you stayed near me.”
She could stay forever and it would not be long enough.
I shouldn’t think that way. We didn’t have forever. The passing seconds counted more than they ever had before; each second changed her while I remained untouched. Physically, at least.
“As it happens, I don’t mind being alone with you,” she said.
No—because her instincts were backward.
“I know.” I sighed. “You should tell Charlie, though.”
“Why in the world would I do that?” she asked, appalled by the idea.
I glared at her, though the anger was, as usual, directed at myself. How I wished I had a different answer for her.
“To give me some small incentive to bring you back,” I hissed. She should give me that much—one witness to compel me to be cautious.
Bella swallowed loudly and stared at me for a long moment. What did she see?
“I think I’ll take my chances,” she said.
Ugh! Did she get some thrill out of risking her life? Some shot of adrenaline she craved?
Will you shut up!Rosalie’s mental scream peaked, breaking into my absorption. I saw what she thought of this conversation, of exactly how much Bella already knew. I glanced back automatically to see Rosalie glowering furiously, but I realized I simply did not care. Let her destroy the car. It was just a toy.
“Let’s talk about something else,” Bella suggested suddenly.
I looked back at her, wondering how she could be so oblivious to what really counted. Why wouldn’t she see me for the monster I was? Rosalie certainly did.
“What do you want to talk about?”
Her eyes darted left and then right, as if checking to make sure there were no eavesdroppers. She must be planning to introduce another myth-related topic. Her gaze froze for a second and her body stiffened, and then she looked back to me.
“Why did you go to that Goat Rocks place last weekend… to hunt? Charlie said it wasn’t a good place to hike, because of bears.”
So oblivious. I stared at her, raising one eyebrow.
“Bears?” she gasped.
I smiled wryly, watching that sink in. Would this make her take me seriously? Would anything?
Just tell her everything. It’s not like we have rules, Rosalie’s thoughts hissed at me. I struggled to not hear her.
Bella pulled her expression together. “You know, bears are not in season,” she said severely, narrowing her eyes.
“If you read carefully, the laws only cover hunting with weapons.”
She lost control over her face again for a moment. Her lips fell open.
“Bears?” she said again, a tentative question this time rather than a gasp of shock.
“Grizzly is Emmett’s favorite.”
I watched her eyes as she worked through the astonishment and recovered.
“Hmm,” she murmured. She took a bite of the pizza, looking down. She chewed thoughtfully, and then took a drink.
“So,” she said, finally looking up. “What’s your favorite?”
I supposed I should have expected something like that, but I hadn’t.
“Mountain lion,” I answered brusquely.
“Ah,” she said in a neutral tone. Her heartbeat continued steady and even, as if we were discussing a favorite restaurant.
Fine, then. If she wanted to act like this was nothing unusual…
“Of course, we have to be careful not to impact the environment with injudicious hunting,” I told her, my voice detached and clinical. “We try to focus on areas with an overpopulation of predators—ranging as far away as we need. There’s always plenty of deer and elk here, and they’ll do, but where’s the fun in that?”
She listened with a politely interested expression, as if I were a guide in a museum describing a painting. I had to smile.
“Where indeed,” she murmured calmly, taking another bite of pizza.
“Early spring is Emmett’s favorite bear season,” I continued in the same tone. “They’re just coming out of hibernation, so they’re more irritable.”
Seventy years later, and he still hadn’t gotten over losing that first match.
“Nothing more fun than an irritated grizzly bear,” Bella agreed, nodding solemnly.
I couldn’t hold back a chuckle as I shook my head at her illogical calm. It had to be put on. “Tell me what you’re really thinking, please.”
“I’m trying to picture it—but I can’t,” she said, the crease appearing between her eyes. “How do you hunt a bear without weapons?”
“Oh, we have weapons,” I told her, and then flashed her a wide smile. I expected her to recoil, but she was very still, watching me. “Just not the kind they consider when writing hunting laws. If you’ve ever seen a bear attack on television, you should be able to visualize Emmett hunting.”
She glanced toward the table where the others sat, and shuddered.
Finally. And then I laughed at myself, because I knew part of me was wishing she would stay oblivious.
Her dark eyes were wide and deep as she stared at me now. “Are you like a bear, too?” she asked in an almost-whisper.
“More like the lion, or so they tell me,” I told her, striving to sound detached again. “Perhaps our preferences are indicative.”
Her lips pulled up a tiny bit at the corners. “Perhaps,” she repeated. And then her head leaned to the side, and curiosity was easy to read in her eyes. “Is that something I might get to see?”
For a moment, it was so clear in my head—Bella’s crumpled, bloodless body in my arms—as though I were the one who had seen the vision, rather than just watching it in Alice’s mind. But I didn’t need foresight to illustrate this horror; the conclusion was obvious.
“Absolutely not,” I snarled at her.
She jerked away from me, shocked and frightened by my sudden rage.
I leaned back, too, wanting to put space between us. She was never going to see, was she? She wouldn’t do one thing to help me keep her alive.
“Too scary for me?” she asked, even-voiced. Her heart, however, was still moving in double time.
“If that were it, I would take you out tonight,” I retorted through my teeth. “You need a healthy dose of fear. Nothing could be more beneficial for you.”
“Then why?” she demanded, undeterred.
I glared at her blackly, waiting for her to be afraid. I was afraid.
Her eyes remained curious, impatient, nothing more. She waited for her answer, not giving in.
But our hour was up.
“Later,” I snapped, and I rose to my feet. “We’re going to be late.”
She looked around, disoriented, as though she’d forgotten we were at lunch. As though she’d forgotten we were even at school and was surprised that we were not alone in some private place. I understood that feeling exactly. It was hard to remember the rest of the world when I was with her.
She got up quickly, bobbling once, and threw her bag over her shoulder.
“Later, then,” she said, and I could see the determination in the set of her mouth. She would hold me to that.
12. COMPLICATIONS
BELLA AND I WALKED SILENTLY TO BIOLOGY. WE PASSED ANGELA WEBER, lingering on the sidewalk, discussing an assignment with a boy from her Trigonometry class. I scanned her thoughts perfunctorily, expecting more disappointment, only to be surprised by their wistful tenor.
Ah, so there was something Angela wanted. Unfortunately, it wasn’t something that could be easily gift wrapped.
I felt strangely comforted for a moment, hearing Angela’s hopeless yearning. A sense of kinship passed through me, and I was, in that second, at one with the kind human girl.
It was oddly consoling to know that I wasn’t the only one living out a tragic love story. Heartbreak was everywhere.
In the next second, I was abruptly and thoroughly irritated. Because Angela’s story didn’t have to be tragic. She was human and he was human and the difference that seemed so insurmountable in her head was truly ridiculous compared to my own situation. There was no reason for her broken heart. What a wasteful sorrow. Why shouldn’t this one story have a happy ending?
I wanted to give her a gift.… Well, I would give her what she wanted. Knowing what I did of human nature, it probably wouldn’t even be very difficult. I sifted through the consciousness of the boy beside her, the object of her affections, and he did not seem unwilling, he was just stymied by the same difficulty she was.
All I would have to do was plant the suggestion.
The plan formed easily; the script wrote itself without effort on my part. I would need Emmett’s help—getting him to go along with this was the only real difficulty. Human nature was so much easier to manipulate than immortal nature.
I was pleased with my solution, with my gift for Angela. It was a nice diversion from my own problems. Would that mine were as easily fixed.
My mood was slightly improved as Bella and I took our seats. Maybe I should be more positive. Maybe there was some solution out there for us that was escaping me, the way Angela’s obvious solution was so invisible to her. Not likely.… But why waste time with hopelessness? I didn’t have time to waste when it came to Bella. Each second mattered.
Mr. Banner entered pulling an ancient TV and VCR. He was skipping through a section he wasn’t particularly interested in—genetic disorders—by showing a movie for the next three days. Lorenzo’s Oil was not a cheerful piece, but that didn’t stop the excitement in the room. No notes, no testable material. The humans exulted.
It didn’t matter to me, either way. I hadn’t been planning on paying attention to anything but Bella.
I did not pull my chair away from hers today to give myself space to breathe. Instead, I sat close beside her like any normal human would. Closer than we sat inside my car, close enough that the left side of my body felt submerged in the heat from her skin.
It was a strange experience, both enjoyable and nerve-racking, but I preferred this to sitting across the table from her. It was more than I was used to, and yet I quickly realized that it was not enough. I was not satisfied. Being this close to her only made me want to be closer still.
I had accused her of being a magnet for danger. Right now, it felt as though that was the literal truth. I was danger, and with every inch I allowed myself nearer to her, her attraction grew in force.
And then Mr. Banner turned the lights out.
It was odd how much of a difference this made, considering that the lack of light meant little to my eyes. I could still see just as perfectly as before. Every detail of the room was clear.
So why the sudden shock of electricity in the air? Was it because I knew that I was the only one who could see clearly? That both Bella and I were invisible to the others? As though we were alone, just the two of us, hidden in the dark room, sitting so close beside each other.
My hand moved toward her without my permission. Just to touch her hand, to hold it in the darkness. Would that be such a horrific mistake? If my skin bothered her, she only had to pull away.
I yanked my hand back, folded my arms tightly across my chest, and clenched my hands closed. No mistakes, I’d promised myself. If I held her hand, I would only want more—another insignificant touch, another move closer to her. I could feel that. A new kind of desire was growing in me, working to override my self-control.
No mistakes.
Bella folded her arms securely across her own chest, and her hands balled up into fists, identical to mine.
What are you thinking?I was dying to whisper the words to her, but the room was too quiet to get away with even a whispered conversation.
The movie began, lightening the darkness just a bit. Bella glanced up at me. She noted the rigid way I held my body—just like hers—and smiled. Her lips parted slightly, and her eyes seemed full of warm invitations.
Or perhaps I was seeing what I wanted to see.
I smiled back. Her breathing caught with a low gasp and she looked quickly away.
That made it worse. I didn’t know her thoughts, but I was suddenly positive that I had been right before, and that she wanted me to touch her. She felt this dangerous desire just as I did.
Between her body and mine, the electricity hummed.
She didn’t move all through the hour, holding her stiff, controlled pose as I held mine. Occasionally she would peek at me again, and the humming current would jolt through me with a sudden shock.
The hour passed—slowly, and yet not slowly enough. This was so new, I could have sat like this with her for days, just to experience the feeling fully.
I had a dozen different arguments with myself while the minutes passed, rationality struggling with desire.
Finally, Mr. Banner turned the lights on again.
Under the bright fluorescents, the atmosphere of the room returned to normal. Bella sighed and stretched, flexing her fingers in front of her. It must have been uncomfortable for her to hold that position for so long. It was easier for me—stillness came naturally.
I chuckled at the relieved expression on her face. “Well, that was interesting.”
“Umm,” she murmured, clearly understanding what I referred to, but making no comment. What I wouldn’t give to hear what she was thinking right now.
I sighed. No amount of wishing was going to help with that.
“Shall we?” I asked, standing.
She made a face and got unsteadily to her feet, her hands splayed out as if she was afraid she was going to fall.
I could offer her my hand. Or I could place that hand underneath her elbow—just lightly—and steady her. Surely that wouldn’t be such a horrible infraction.
No mistakes.
She was very quiet as we walked toward the gym. The crease was in evidence between her eyes, a sign that she was deep in thought. I, too, was thinking deeply.
One touch of my skin wouldn’t hurt her, my selfish side contended.
I could easily moderate the pressure of my hand. It wasn’t exactly difficult. My tactile sense was better developed than a human’s: I could juggle a dozen crystal goblets without breaking any of them; I could stroke a soap bubble without popping it. As long as I was firmly in control of myself.
Bella was like a soap bubble—fragile and ephemeral. Temporary.
How long would I be able to justify my presence in her life? How much time did I have? Would I have another chance like this chance, like this moment, like this second? She would not always be within my arm’s reach.
Bella turned to face me at the gym door, and her eyes widened at the expression on my face. She didn’t speak. I looked at myself in the reflection of her eyes and saw the conflict raging in my own. I watched my face change as my better side lost the argument.
My hand lifted without a conscious command for it to do so. As gently as if she were made of the thinnest glass, as if she were fragile as the bubble I’d imagined, my fingers stroked the warm skin that covered her cheekbone. It heated under my touch, and I could feel the pulse of blood speed beneath her transparent skin.
Enough, I ordered, though my hand was aching to shape itself to the side of her face. Enough.
It was difficult to pull my hand back, to stop myself from moving closer to her than I already was. A thousand different possibilities ran through my mind in an instant—a thousand different ways to touch her. The tip of my finger tracing the shape of her lips. My palm cupping her chin. Pulling the clip from her hair and letting it spill out across my hand. My arms winding around her waist, holding her against the length of my body.
Enough.
I forced myself to turn, to step away from her. My body moved stiffly—unwilling.
I let my mind linger behind to watch her as I walked swiftly away, almost running from the temptation. I caught Mike Newton’s thoughts—they were the loudest—while he watched Bella walk past him in oblivion, her eyes unfocused and her cheeks red. He glowered and suddenly my name was mingled with curses in his head. I couldn’t help grinning slightly in response.
My hand was tingling. I flexed it and then curled it into a fist, but it continued to sting painlessly.
No, I hadn’t hurt her—but touching her had still been a mistake.
It felt like simmering coals, as though a dull version of my thirsting burn had spread throughout my entire body.
The next time I was close to her, would I be able to stop myself from touching her again? And if I touched her a second time, would I be able to stop at that?
No more mistakes. That was it. Savor the memory, Edward, I told myself grimly, and keep your hands to yourself. That, or I would have to force myself to leave… somehow. Because I couldn’t allow myself near her if I insisted on making errors.
I took a deep breath and tried to steady my thoughts.
Emmett caught up to me outside the English building.
“Hey, Edward.” He’s looking better. Weird, but better. Happy.
“Hey, Em.” Did I look happy? I supposed, despite the chaos in my head, I felt something close to it.
Way to keep your mouth shut, kid. Rosalie’s going to rip your tongue out.
I sighed. “Sorry I left you to deal with that. Are you angry with me?”
“Naw. Rose’ll get over it. It was bound to happen anyway.” With what Alice sees coming…
Alice’s visions were not what I wanted to think about right now. I stared forward, my teeth locking together.
As I searched for a distraction, I caught sight of Ben Cheney entering the Spanish room ahead of us. Ah—here was my chance to give Angela Weber her gift.
I stopped walking and caught Emmett’s arm. “Hold on a second.”
What’s up?
“I know I don’t deserve it, but would you do me a favor anyway?”
“What favor?” he asked, curious.
Under my breath—and at a speed that would have made the words incomprehensible to a human—I explained to him what I wanted.
He stared at me when I was done, his thoughts as blank as his face.
“So?” I prompted. “Will you help me do it?”
It took him a minute to respond. “But, why?”
“C’mon, Emmett. Why not?”
Who are you and what have you done with my brother?
“Aren’t you the one who complains that school is always the same? This is something a little different, isn’t it? Consider it an experiment—an experiment in human nature.”
He stared at me for another moment before he caved. “Well, it is different, I’ll give you that. Okay, fine.” Emmett snorted and then shrugged. “I’ll help you.”
I grinned at him, feeling more enthusiastic about my plan now that he was on board. Rosalie was a pain, but I would always owe her one for choosing Emmett; no one had a better brother than mine.
Emmett didn’t need to practice. I whispered his lines to him once under my breath as we walked into the classroom.
Ben was already in his seat behind mine, assembling his homework to hand in. Emmett and I both sat and did the same thing. The classroom was not quiet yet; the murmur of subdued conversation would continue until Mrs. Goff called for attention. She was in no hurry, appraising the quizzes from the last class.
“So,” Emmett said, his voice louder than necessary. “Did you ask Angela Weber out yet?”
The sound of papers rustling behind me came to an abrupt stop as Ben froze, his attention suddenly riveted on our conversation.
Angela? They’re talking about Angela?
Good. I had his interest.
“No,” I said, shaking my head slowly to appear regretful.
“Why not?” Emmett improvised. “Are we lacking in courage?”
I frowned at him. “No. I heard that she was interested in someone else.”
Edward Cullen was going to askAngela out? But… no. I don’t like that. I don’t want him near her. He’s… not right for her. Not… safe.
I hadn’t anticipated the chivalry, the protective instinct. I’d been aiming for jealousy. But whatever worked.
“You’re going to let that stop you?” Emmett asked scornfully, improvising again. “Not up for the competition?”
I glared at him, but made use of what he gave me. “Look, I guess she really likes this Ben person. I’m not going to try to convince her otherwise. There are other girls.”
The reaction in the chair behind me was electric.
“Who?” Emmett asked, back to the script.
“My lab partner said it was some kid named Cheney. I’m not sure I know who he is.”
I bit back my smile. Only the haughty Cullens could get away with pretending not to know every student at this tiny school.
Ben’s head was whirling with shock. Me? Over Edward Cullen? But why would she like me?
“Edward,” Emmett muttered in a lower tone, rolling his eyes toward the boy. “He’s right behind you,” he mouthed, so obviously that the human could easily read the words.
“Oh,” I muttered back.
I turned in my seat and glanced once at the boy behind me. For a second, the black eyes behind the glasses were frightened, but then he stiffened and squared his shoulders, affronted by my clearly disparaging evaluation. His chin shot out and an angry flush darkened his golden-brown skin.
“Huh,” I said arrogantly as I turned back to Emmett.
He thinks he’s better than me. But Angela doesn’t. I’ll show him.…
Perfect.
“Didn’t you say she was taking Yorkie to the dance, though?” Emmett asked, snorting as he said the name of the boy whom many scorned for his awkwardness.
“That was a group decision, apparently.” I wanted to be sure that Ben was clear on this. “Angela’s shy. If B—well, if a guy doesn’t have the nerve to ask her out, she’d never ask him.”
“You like shy girls,” Emmett said, back to improvisation. Quiet girls. Girls like… hmm, I don’t know. Maybe Bella Swan?
I grinned at him. “Exactly.” Then I returned to the performance. “Maybe Angela will get tired of waiting. Maybe I’ll ask her to the prom.”
No, you won’t, Ben thought, straightening up in his chair. So what if she’s taller than me? If she doesn’t care, then neither do I. She’s the nicest, smartest, prettiest girl in this school… and she wants me.
I liked this Ben. He seemed bright and well-meaning. Maybe even worthy of a girl like Angela.
I gave Emmett a thumbs up under the desk as Mrs. Goff stood and greeted the class.
Okay, I’ll admit it—that was sort of fun, Emmett thought.
I smiled to myself, pleased that I’d been able to shape one love story’s forward progress. I was positive that Ben would follow through, and Angela would receive my anonymous gift. My debt was repaid.
How silly humans were, to let a six-inch height difference confound their happiness.
My success put me in a good mood. I smiled again as I settled into my chair and prepared to be entertained. After all, as Bella had pointed out at lunch, I’d never seen her in action in Gym class before.
Mike’s thoughts were the easiest to pinpoint in the babble of voices that swarmed through the gym. His mind had gotten far too familiar over the last few weeks. With a sigh, I resigned myself to listening through him. At least I could be sure that he would be paying attention to Bella.
I was just in time to hear him offer to be her badminton partner; as he made the suggestion, other partnerings with Bella ran through his mind. My smile faded, my teeth clenched together, and I had to remind myself that murdering Mike Newton was still not permitted.
“Thanks, Mike—you don’t have to do this, you know.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll keep out of your way.”
She grinned at him, and flashes of numerous accidents—always in some way connected to Bella—flashed through Mike’s head.
Mike played alone at first, while Bella hesitated on the back half of the court, holding her racket gingerly, as though it might explode if moved too roughly. Then Coach Clapp ambled by and ordered Mike to let Bella play.
Uh oh, Mike thought as Bella moved forward with a sigh, holding her racket at an awkward angle.
Jennifer Ford served the birdie directly toward Bella with a smug twist to her thoughts. Mike saw Bella lurch toward it, swinging the racket yards wide of her target, and he rushed in to try to save the volley.
I watched the path of Bella’s racket with alarm. Sure enough, it hit the taut net and sprung back at her, clipping her forehead before it spun out to strike Mike’s arm with a resounding thwack.
Ow. Ow. Ungh. That’s going to leave a bruise.
Bella was kneading her forehead. It was hard to stay in my seat where I belonged, knowing she was hurt. But what could I do, even if I were there? And it didn’t seem to be serious. I hesitated, watching.
The coach laughed. “Sorry, Newton.” That girl’s the worst jinx I’ve ever seen. Shouldn’t inflict her on the others.
He turned his back deliberately and moved to watch another game so that Bella could return to her former spectator’s role.
Ow, Mike thought again, massaging his arm. He turned to Bella. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, are you?”she asked sheepishly.
“I think I’ll make it.” Don’t want to sound like a crybaby. But, man, that hurts!
Mike swung his arm in a circle, wincing.
“I’ll just stay back here,” Bella said, embarrassment rather than pain on her face. Maybe Mike had gotten the worst of it. I certainly hoped that was the case. At least she wasn’t playing anymore. She held her racket so carefully behind her back, her expression full of remorse.… I had to disguise my laugh as coughing.
What’s funny?Emmett wanted to know.
“Tell you later,” I muttered.
Bella didn’t venture into the game again. The coach ignored her and let Mike play alone.
I breezed through the quiz at the end of the hour, and Mrs. Goff let me go early. I was listening intently to Mike as I walked across the campus. He’d decided to confront Bella about me.
Jessica swears they’re dating. Why? Why did he have to pick her?
He didn’t recognize the real phenomenon—that she’d picked me.
“So.”
“So what?”she wondered.
“You and Cullen, huh?” You and the freak. I guess, if a rich guy is that important to you…
I gritted my teeth at his degrading assumption.
“That’s none of your business, Mike.”
Defensive. So it’s true. Crap. “I don’t like it.”
“You don’t have to,” she snapped.
Why can’t she see what a circus sideshow he is? Like they all are. The way he stares at her. It gives me chills to watch. “He looks at you like… like you’re something to eat.”
I cringed, waiting for her response.
Her face turned bright red, and her lips pressed together as though she was holding her breath. Then, suddenly, a giggle burst through her lips.
Now she’s laughing at me. Great.
Mike turned, thoughts sullen, and wandered off to change.
I leaned against the gym wall and tried to compose myself.
How could she have laughed at Mike’s accusation—so entirely on target that I began to worry that Forks was becoming too aware. Why would she laugh at the suggestion that I could kill her, when she knew that it was entirely true?
What was wrong with her?
Did she have a morbid sense of humor? That didn’t fit with my idea of her character, but how could I be sure? Or maybe my notion of the foolish angel was true in one respect: She had no sense of fear at all. Brave—that was one word for it. Others might say stupid, but I knew how bright she was. No matter what the reason, was it this strange lack of fear that put her in danger so constantly? Maybe she would always need me here.
Just like that, my mood was soaring.
If I could discipline myself, make myself safe, then perhaps it would be right for me to stay close to her.
When she walked through the gym doors, her shoulders were stiff and her lower lip was between her teeth again—a sure sign of anxiety. But as soon as her eyes met mine, her posture relaxed and a wide smile spread across her face. It was an oddly peaceful expression. She walked right to my side without hesitation, only stopping when she was so close that her body heat crashed over me like a breaking wave.
“Hi,” she whispered.
The happiness I felt in this moment was, again, without precedent.
“Hello,” I said, and then—because with my mood suddenly so light, I couldn’t resist teasing her—I added, “How was Gym?”
Her smile wavered. “Fine.”
She was a poor liar.
“Really?” I asked, about to press the issue—I was still concerned about her head; was she in pain?—but then Mike Newton’s thoughts were so loud, they broke my concentration.
Ihate him. I wish he would die. I hope he drives that shiny car right off a cliff. Why couldn’t he just leave her alone? Stick to his own kind—to the freaks.
“What?” Bella demanded.
My eyes refocused on her face. She looked at Mike’s retreating back, and then at me again.
“Newton’s getting on my nerves,” I admitted.
Her mouth fell open, and her smile disappeared. She must have forgotten that I’d had the power to watch through her calamitous last hour, or hoped that I hadn’t used it. “You weren’t listening again?”
“How’s your head?”
“You’re unbelievable!” she said through her teeth, and then she turned away from me and stalked furiously toward the parking lot. Her skin flushed dark red—she was embarrassed.
I kept pace with her, hoping that her anger would pass soon. She was usually quick to forgive me.
“You were the one who mentioned how I’d never seen you in Gym,” I explained. “It made me curious.”
She didn’t answer. Her eyebrows pulled together.
She came to a sudden halt in the parking lot when she realized that the way to my car was blocked by a crowd of mostly male students.
I wonder how fast they’ve gone in this thing.