CHAPTER 114
She was dead.
Aelin was dead.
Her lifeless body had been spiked to the gates of Orynth, her hair shorn to her scalp.
Rowan knelt before the gates, the armies of Morath streaming past him. It wasn’t real. Couldn’t be. Yet the sun warmed his face. The reek of death filled his nose.
He gritted his teeth, willing himself out, away from this place. This waking nightmare.
It didn’t falter.
A hand brushed his shoulder, gentle and small.
“You brought this upon yourself, you know,” said a lilting female voice.
He knew that voice. Would never forget it.
Lyria.
She stood behind him, peering up at Aelin. Clad in Maeve’s dark armor, her brown hair braided back from her delicate, lovely face. “You brought it upon her, too, I suppose,” his mate—his lie of a mate—mused.
Dead. Lyria was dead, and Aelin was the one meant to survive—
“You would pick her over me?” Lyria demanded, her chestnut eyes filling. “Is that the sort of male you have become?”
He couldn’t find any words, anything to explain, to apologize.
Aelin was dead.
He couldn’t breathe. Didn’t want to.
Connall was smirking at him. “Everything that happened to me is because of you.”
Kneeling on that veranda in Doranelle, in a palace he’d hoped to never see again, Fenrys fought the bile that rose in his throat. “I’m sorry.”
“Sorry, but would you change it? Was I the sacrifice you were willing to make in order to get what you wanted?”
Fenrys shook his head, but it was suddenly that of a wolf—the body he had once loved with such pride and fierceness. A wolf’s form—with no ability to speak.
“You took everything I ever wanted,” his twin went on. “Everything. Did you even mourn me? Did it even matter?”
He needed to tell him—tell his twin everything he’d meant to say, wished he’d been able to convey. But that wolf’s tongue did not voice the language of men and Fae. No voice. He had no voice.
“I am dead because of you,” Connall breathed. “I suffered because of you. And I will never forget it.”
Please. The word burned on his tongue. Please—
She couldn’t endure it.
Rowan kneeling there, screaming.
Fenrys sobbing toward the darkened skies.
And Lorcan—Lorcan in utter silence, eyes unseeing as some untold horror played out.
Maeve hummed to herself. “Do you see what I can do? What they are powerless against?”
Rowan screamed louder, the tendons in his neck bulging. Fighting Maeve with all he had.
She couldn’t endure it. Couldn’t stand it.
This was no illusion, no spun dream. This, their pain—this was real.
Maeve’s Valg powers, at last revealed. The same hellish power that the Valg princes possessed. The same power she’d endured. Defeated with flame.
But she had no flame to help them. Nothing at all.
“There’s indeed nothing left for you to bargain with,” Maeve said simply. “But yourself.”
Anything but this. Anything but this—
“You are nothing.”
Elide stood before him, the lofty towers of a city Lorcan had never seen, the city that should have been his home, beckoning on the horizon. The wind whipped her dark hair, as cold as the light in her eyes.
“A bastard-born nobody,” she went on. “Did you think I’d sully myself with you?”
“I think you might be my mate,” he rasped.
Elide snickered. “Mate? Why would you ever think you were entitled to such a thing after all you have done?”
It couldn’t be real—it wasn’t real. And yet that coldness in her face, the distance …
He’d earned it. Deserved it.
Maeve surveyed them, the three males who had been her slaves, lost to her dark power as it ripped through their minds, their memories, and laughed. “Pity about Gavriel. At least he fell nobly.”
Gavriel—
Maeve turned to her. “You didn’t know, did you?” A click of her tongue. “The Lion will roar no longer, his life the asking price for defending his cub.”
Gavriel was dead. She felt the truth in Maeve’s words. Let them punch a hole through her heart.
“You could not save him, it seems,” Maeve went on. “But you can save them.”
Fenrys screamed now. Rowan had fallen silent, his green eyes vacant. Whatever he beheld had drawn him past screaming, beyond weeping.
Pain. Unspeakable, unimaginable pain. As she had endured—perhaps worse.
And yet …
Aelin didn’t give Maeve time to react. Time to even turn her head as she grabbed Goldryn where it lay beside her and hurled it at the queen.
It missed Maeve by an inch, the Valg queen twisting aside before the blade buried itself deep in the snow, steaming where it landed. Still burning.
It was all Aelin needed.
She lashed out, flame spearing into the world.
But not for Maeve.
It slammed into Rowan, into Fenrys and Lorcan. Struck their shoulders, hard and deep.
Burning them. Branding them.
Aelin was dead. She was dead, and he had failed her.
“You are a lesser male,” Lyria said, still studying the gate where Aelin’s body swayed. “You deserved this. After what was done to me, you deserved this.”
Aelin was dead.
He did not wish to live in this world. Not for a heartbeat longer.
Aelin was dead. And he—
His shoulder twinged. And then it burned.
As if someone had pressed a brand to it. A red-hot poker.
A flame.
He looked down, but beheld no wound.
Lyria continued on, “You bring only suffering to those you love.”
The words were distant. Secondary to that burning wound.
It singed him again, a phantom wound, a memory—
Not a memory. Not a memory, but a lifeline thrown into the dark. Into an illusion.
An anchor.
As he had once anchored her, hauling her from a Valg prince’s grip.
Aelin.
His hands curled at his sides. Aelin, who had known suffering as he did. Who had been shown peaceful lives and still chosen him, exactly as he was, for what they had both endured. Illusions—those had been illusions.
Rowan gritted his teeth. Felt the thing wrapped around his mind. Holding him captive.
He let out a low snarl.
She had done this—done it before. Torn into his mind. Twisted and taken from him this most vital thing. Aelin.
He would not let her take it again.
Lorcan roared at the brand that shredded through his senses, through Elide’s mocking words, through the image of Perranth, the home he wanted so badly and might never see.
Roared, and the world rippled. Became snow and darkness and battle.
And Maeve. Poised before them, her pale face livid.
Her power lunged for him, a striking panther—
Elide now lay in a grand, opulent bed, her withered hand reaching for his. An aged hand, riddled with marks, the delicate blue veins intertwining like the many rivers around Doranelle.
And her face … Her dark eyes were filmy, her wrinkles deep. Her thinned hair white as snow.
“This is a truth you cannot outrun,” she said, her voice a croak. “A sword above our heads.”
Her deathbed. That’s what this was. And the hand he brushed against hers—it remained young. He remained young.
Bile coated his throat. “Please.” He put a hand to his chest, as if it’d stop the relentless cracking.
Faint, throbbing pain answered back.
Elide’s breaths rasped against his ears. He couldn’t watch this, couldn’t—
He dug his hand harder into his chest. To the pain there.
Life—life was pain. Pain, and joy. Joy because of the pain.
He saw it in Elide’s face. In every line and age mark. In every white hair. A life lived—together. The pain of parting because of how wonderful it had been.
The darkness beyond thinned. Lorcan dug his hand into the burning wound in his shoulder.
Elide let out a hacking cough that wrecked him, yet he took it into his heart, every bit of it. All that the future might offer.
It did not frighten him.
Again and again, Connall died. Over and over.
Connall lay on the floor of the veranda, his blood leaking toward the misty river far below.
His fate—it should have been his fate.
If he walked over the edge of the veranda, into that roaring river, would anyone mark his passing? If he leaped, his brother in his arms, would the river make a quick end for him?
He didn’t deserve a quick end. He deserved a slow, brutal bloodletting.
His punishment, his just reward for what he’d done to his brother. The life he’d allowed to be set in his shadow, had always known remained in his shadow and hadn’t tried, not really, to share the light.
A burn, violent and unflinching, tore through him. As if someone had shoved his shoulder into a furnace.
He deserved it. He welcomed it into his heart.
He hoped it would destroy him.
Pain. The thing she had dreaded inflicting upon them most, had fought and fought to keep them from.