CHAPTER 101
Human no more.
Aelin’s breath rasped in her ears—her permanently arched, immortal ears—with each step back toward the camped army. Rowan remained at her side, a hand around her waist.
He hadn’t let go of her once. Not once, since she’d come back.
Since she’d walked through worlds.
She could see them still. Even walking in silence under the trees, the darkness yielding toward the grayish light before dawn, she could see each and every one of those worlds she’d broken through.
Perhaps she’d never stop seeing them. Perhaps she alone in this world and all others knew what lay beyond the invisible walls separating them. How much life dwelled and thrived. Loved and hated and struggled to claw out a living.
So many worlds. More than she could contemplate. Would her dreams forever be haunted by them? To have glimpsed them, but been unable to explore—would that longing take root?
Oakwald’s branches formed a skeletal lattice overhead. Bars of a cage.
As her body, and this world, might be.
She shook off the thought. She had lived—lived, when she should have died. Even if her mortal self … that had been killed. Melted away.
The outer edges of the camp neared, and Aelin peered down at her hands. Cold—that was a trace of cold now biting into them.
Altered in every way.
Dorian said as they approached the first of the rukhin, “What are you going to tell them?”
The first words any of them had spoken since they’d begun the trek back here.
“The truth,” Aelin said.
She supposed it was all she had to offer them, after what she’d done.
She said to Dorian, “I’m sorry—about your father.”
The chill wind brushed the strands of Dorian’s hair off his brow. “So am I,” he said, resting a hand atop Damaris’s hilt.
At his side, Chaol kept silent, though he glanced at the king every now and then. He’d look out for Dorian. As he always had, Aelin supposed.
They passed the first of the ruks, the birds eyeing them, and found Lorcan, Fenrys, Gavriel, and Elide waiting by the edge of the tents.
Chaol and Dorian murmured something about gathering the other royals, and peeled away.
Aelin remained close to Rowan as they approached their court. Fenrys scanned her from head to toe, nostrils flaring as he scented her. He staggered a step closer, horror creeping across his face. Gavriel only paled.
Elide gasped. “You did it, didn’t you?”
But it was Lorcan who answered, stiffening, as if sensing the change that had come over her, “You—you’re not human.”
Rowan snarled in warning. Aelin just looked at them, the people who’d given so much and chosen to follow her here, their doom still remaining. To succeed, and yet to utterly fail.
Erawan remained. His army remained.
And there would be no Fire-Bringer, no Wyrdkeys, no gods to assist them.
“They’re gone?” Elide asked softly.
Aelin nodded. She’d explain later. Explain it to all of them.
God-killer. That’s what she was. A god-killer. She didn’t regret it. Not one bit.
Elide asked Lorcan, “Do you—do you feel any different?” The lack of the gods who’d watched over them.
Lorcan peered up at the trees overhead, as if reading the answer in their entangled branches. As if searching for Hellas there. “No,” he admitted.
What does it mean,” Gavriel mused, the first rays of sun beginning to gild his golden hair, “for them to be gone? Is there a hell-realm whose throne now sits vacant?”
“It’s too early for that sort of philosophical bullshit,” Fenrys said, and offered Aelin a half smile that didn’t quite meet his eyes. Reproach lay there—not for her choice, but in not telling them. Yet he still tried to make light of it.
Doomed—that lovely, wolfish grin might be in its final days of existence.
They might all be in their last days of existence now. Because of her.
Rowan read it in her eyes, her face. His hand tightened on her waist. “Let’s find the others.”
Standing inside one of the khagan’s fine war tents, Dorian held his hands out before a fire of his own making and winced. “That meeting could have gone better.”
Chaol, seated across the fire, Yrene in his lap, toyed with the end of his wife’s braid. “It really could have.”
Yrene frowned. “I don’t know how she didn’t walk out and leave everyone to rot. I would have.”
“Never underestimate the power of guilt when it comes to Aelin Galathynius,” Dorian said, and sighed. The fire he’d summoned fluttered.
“She sealed the Wyrdgate.” Yrene scowled. “The least they could do is be grateful for it.”
“Oh, I have no doubt they are,” Chaol said, frowning now as well. “But the fact remains that Aelin promised one thing, and did the opposite.”
Indeed. Dorian didn’t quite know what to think of Aelin’s choice. Or that she’d even told them about it—about trading Erawan for Elena. The gods betraying her in turn.
And then Aelin destroying them for it.
“Typical,” Dorian said, trying for humor and failing. Some part of him still felt as if he were in that place-of-places.
Especially when some part of him had been given up.
The magic that had felt bottomless only yesterday now had a very real, very solid stopping point. A mighty gift, yes, but he did not think he’d ever again be capable of shattering glass castles or enemy strongholds.
He hadn’t yet decided whether it was a relief.
It was more power, at least, than Aelin had been left with. Gifted with, it sounded like. Aelin had burned through every ember of her own magic. What she now possessed was all that remained of what Mala had given her to seal the gate—to punish the gods who had betrayed them both.
The idea of it still made Dorian queasy. And the memory of Aelin choosing to throw him out of that non-place still made him grind his teeth. Not at her choice, but that his father—
He’d think about his father later. Never.
His nameless father, who had come for him in the end.
Chaol hadn’t asked about it, hadn’t pushed. And Dorian knew that whenever he was ready to talk about it, his friend would be waiting.
Chaol said, “Aelin didn’t kill Erawan. But at least Erawan can never bring over his brothers. Or use the keys to destroy us all. We have that. She—you both did that.”
There would be no more collars. No more rooms beneath a dark fortress to hold them.
Yrene ran her fingers through Chaol’s brown hair, and Dorian tried to fight the ache in his chest at the sight. At the love that flowed so freely between them.
He didn’t resent Chaol for his happiness. But it didn’t stop the sharp slicing in his chest every time he saw them. Every time he saw the Torre healers, and wished Sorscha had found them.
“So the world was only partly saved,” Yrene said. “Better than nothing.”
Dorian smiled at that. He adored his friend’s wife already. Likely would have married her, too, if he’d had the chance.
Even if his thoughts still drifted northward—to a golden-eyed witch who walked with death beside her and did not fear it. Did she think of him? Wonder what had become of him in Morath?
“Aelin and I still have magic,” Dorian said. “Not like it was before, but we still have it. We’re not entirely helpless.”
“Enough to take on Erawan?” Chaol said, his bronze eyes wary. Well aware of the answer. “And Maeve?”
“We’ll have to figure out a way,” Dorian said. He prayed it was true.
But there were no gods left to pray to at all.
Elide kept one eye on Aelin while they washed themselves in the queen’s tent. One eye on the deliciously warm water that had been brought in.
And kept warm by the woman in the tub beside her own.
As if in defiance of the horrible meeting they’d had with the khaganate royals upon Aelin’s unexpected return.
Triumphant. But only in some regards.
One threat defeated. The other fumbled.
Aelin had hid it well, but the queen had her tells, too. Her utter stillness—the predatory angle of her head. The former had been present this morning. Utter stillness while she’d been questioned, criticized, shouted at.
The queen had not been this quiet since the day she’d escaped Maeve.
And it was not trauma that bowed her head, but guilt. Dread. Shame.